Hello to you. How are you? The past couple days I’ve been having a lot of fullness in my ears and with that has come anxiety. I don’t know if it’s the new medication or what.
Have you ever noticed how things look during different phases of sunlight? I can remember reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau and his talking about taking objects from inside his house outside when he cleaned and how different they looked in the sunlight. I can remember when I was really into photography with my first husband Ken how important light was to taking pictures. Early morning and dusk were the ideal times for pictures – the most color saturation:
We used to collect dragons This is an example of a picture taken at dusk – really saturated color
The cameras we used, like a Nikon, had light meters and everything wasn’t automatic like it is today . Who could of imagined cell phone cameras! They can take still photos and videos like devices we used to use that were much more complicated.
John 9:5New International Version
5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Hello to you. I’m just back from meeting with our little prayer group at Grace House. We had a nice turn out! There were four of us. The walk over was nice yet tiring. I push myself even though I feel like a Weeble Wobble! Do you remember those toys?
Some roses still blooming despite the heat I love sunlight on the water Grace House todayWhat it feels like for me to walk – old fashioned Weeble Wobble toys The walk over to Grace House
Now to the prompt – what do I feel is the definition of romantic. I know this will seem weird but when I think of romance a couple movies come to mind and they both have to do with never ending love – Somewhere In Time and Brahms Stokers Dracula. There is something so romantic to me about love that transcends time and space. I can’t watch Somewhere in Time without being a mess afterwards! Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour did such a great job. The dinner date with absinthe and turning tears into diamonds in Dracula is just so romantic! Love the music for both films.
I can remember having an experience like this during one of my hospital stays. There was a young woman named Yamila I met and she seemed so familiar. I asked her if we had ever met before and she said “perhaps in another life.” Such an odd thing to say and it really stuck me. She reminded me of a girl I supervised in the military. Yamila walked, talked and did other gestures just as if I was with Eveline again! Eveline was Dutch and just such a sweet girl – my first troop!
1 Corinthians 13:8-13New International Version
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Hello there. We survived another 4th of July! The people firing off fireworks last night weren’t as intense as last year. I’m thankful for that! I just had a walk around the block and no loose dogs or cats which is a blessing. We had a wonderful visit with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and his wife yesterday. Lots of good food – huge hot dogs! They brought the bike over but I couldn’t ride it without feeling like it was going to tip over. My balance just wasn’t there! So we are leaving the bike with them. So another “can’t” on the books. I’m not sure if it’s just because it had three wheels or just me not being able to balance. Everybody else was able to ride it. When they had a two wheel bike I had no problem riding it but that was before I had the swaying issues in my head.
Todays prompt makes me think of my family and friends. So much to be thankful for and the way I have expressed my gratitude has mostly been words these past couple of years. When I was a child, my Mom taught me to write thank you notes when I received gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I haven’t written a thank you note in a long time! Ever since this whatever I’ve got going on in my head, writing with a pen and paper has become more difficult. I’m thankful I can still type and text!
The bees really are liking this plant Flowering weed almost as tall as me Some lovely tiger liliesSome cheerful pink flowers Neighbors garden coming along good Morning walk pictures
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Happy Independence Day! I’m looking forward to seeing family today and getting a bike. My cousin had a friend give him a bike that could go to a disabled vet which so happened to be me! We are getting together at my Aunt and Uncles house this afternoon. I am not looking forward to the evening – lots of people fire off fireworks around here and it sounds like a war zone! Thankfully Link doesn’t seem to be bothered by them.
Todays prompt kind of makes me think of Jesus’s message about not worrying or having anxiety about tomorrow:
Matthew 6:34New International Version
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I used to be a worrier and very anxious about things I had no control over. I still on occasion have anxiety. It does nothing for me! There are things to plan for and look forward to but all I really have control over is my today – the moment I am in. Who knows but God what is going to happen next! Something Kyle my ex used to say to me when I was worrying about something is “what are you going to do about it? If your not able to do anything quit worrying as it does no good.” He was usually right! I can remember one time our front yard was flooding and I was worrying and I had to focus on what I wanted to happen and not on the flooding. Everything was fine – we were watching Twilight Zone and the episode was about an Angel and that comforted me.
In times of crisis I have had to train my mind to focus on what I want to happen not what I don’t. What monster do you want to feed kind of thing. Prayer also helps with focusing on what I want to happen in my present and future. It takes a lot of practice for me not to be a worry wart!
I thought Link looked beautiful in the afternoon light
Hello to you. I’m just back from church and groceries. The message today came from Thessalonians in regards to the return of Christ. Pastor Daniel from the Nampa campus gave the message. It was good to see familiar faces and get caught up on things. Dear Penny lost her Dad recently and she shared her peace about that. The grocery trip was kind of disappointing. I wanted to get some Tillamook ice cream to take over to Ruth’s on the 4th but they didn’t have vanilla and the freezer was failing – a lot of the ice cream was melted. I picked up some Dreyers that wasn’t too melted! Hope it will be ok!
Todays prompt takes me back to the two surgeries I had to remove fibroid cysts. The first surgery removed a cyst the size of a 5 month embryo and second surgery, in August of 2005, when I had my hysterectomy to remove fibroid cysts and all my baby making parts. It was a life changing decision we made to have the hysterectomy. I remember just before being put under anesthesia for the second surgery the technician asking me if this is what I wanted to do. It rained that day as Kyle waited for me to get in and out of surgery. I remember it was hard to wake up from the anesthesia for both surgeries.
I never had children and having the 2nd surgery shut the door on that. It was for my best. From time to time I wonder what my life would have been if we had tried for a child either in my first or second marriage but it passes. Looking back at the wreckage of my being Bipolar, it really would have been rough trying to raise a healthy child. A large part of my dog Links early life was me in the hospital. It would have been worse if he had been a human child.
Some hidden orange flowers my neighbor Marlene walks her dog she calls Number 6 in the later part of the day like I do – she is such a sweetie! She reminds me of my dog Spot Proverbs 16:24
New International Version
24 Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Hello to you. How are you? Yesterday I took a different walk in the evening and was rewarded with new flowers to see!
The canal has growth again I’m not sure what the name of these flowers are They are in various colors A lovely orange
Isaiah 41:10 ~ Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!
Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.
When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.
When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.
I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.
I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!
One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.
Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible
Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs
28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Just took Link for his little business walk. It’s really warm and sunny out again today. I will try and get a longer walk later.
Todays prompt is kind of hard to answer as I am a low maintenance kind of girl. On occasion I color my hair but that’s about it for special self care. I keep my nails short and don’t get them manicured professionally. I think the last time I experienced a pedicure was before I got married to my second husband – got my eye brows done then too. That was in 2008! The last time I went to a spa I got a hot rock massage and that’s when I was still living in Florida. My sponsor from AA and I went.
Proverbs 19:8New International Version
8 The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.
Which food, when you eat it, instantly transports you to childhood?
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s about 84 degrees and sunny out.
Todays prompt is a tough one for me as I’m kinda of a foodie. Many foods transport me to different parts of my life. I would have to say my moms chocolate pudding dessert is a big one. I can’t remember when she first made it or when I started wanting that dessert in place of a birthday cake. I just know that whenever I have it I think of my Mom and Dad. Dad and I both like it for our birthday! We would joke about getting up in the middle of the night to sneak a piece or who got a bigger piece. It’s one of those desserts you can only make for special occasions as it’s pretty rich. My family here in Idaho loves it too. My Aunt made it for my cousin and my birthday this year and everybody loved it.
Instant chocolate pudding – you can use other flavors if you don’t like chocolate
Recipe: Moms Chocolate Pudding Dessert
Crust: 1/2 cup melted butter , 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
Bake above in 9×13 pan at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Let cool then add:
2nd layer: 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip, 8 oz cream cheese
Top last layer with remaining cool whip and nuts if desired and chill.
John 6:27New International Version
27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
Hello to you. How are you doing today? I have been kind of tired but less pain. Thank you for your prayers!
Todays prompt is kind of fun – we get to dream a bit. When I was active duty and stationed in Germany I loved how easy it was to travel from one country to another. One of my favorite memories was riding a train from Frankfurt Germany to Milan Italy. I didn’t get to Ireland, Norway, Switzerland or the crystal tours to Poland. I never got to Japan, Korea, Egypt or China. I have had friends who have been to those places and told me about their experiences but it’s not quite the same as going there yourself! Bottom line is there are a lot of cool places to visit but I doubt I will get there.
I have wanted to go to Ireland in person for a long time. I flew over it in my dreams once. I flew along the shore like a bird and into a little tiny house where a woman with long red hair was eating her hair – she had children. I found out later that with the potato famine in Ireland this actually happened!
Thank goodness for drones. One of my favorite past times is watching drone footage of traveling in various countries and parks.
A fantasy I had was taking a family cruise that would allow pets so we wouldn’t have to pay for kenneling while we were gone. I don’t like leaving Link behind and that is a big reason why I don’t want to travel now. It was really hard when I was in the hospital and away from him. This is the double edged sword of having companion animals.
On the majesty of God: Genesis 1:1-4
“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.”
On letting God lead the way: Exodus 13:21
“By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so they could travel by day or night.”
To be 