26 November 2021 Hello

Hi there! How are you? How’s your day been going? I’m sitting here cuddled with Mr. Link. It’s been a gray and overcast day. I haven’t really been outside. I will be going out this evening to see the Christmas lights in Caldwell. I will need to dress warm as it’s been getting a lot cooler here.

I did another Twitch video today. It’s about Links origin story. It came out ok but not all in one take. I haven’t been able to figure out how to delete videos yet lol!! I’m not sure about this video making stuff! The more I watch other streamers the more less prepared I feel. I guess the most important thing is to keep being myself and work with what I have. My channel is jwygant.

My thanks to all of you that continue with me on this journey I’m on – especially my Auntie!! You are such a beautiful and awesome cheerleader ! The encouragement helps so much but I also appreciate feedback on how I can do better!

26 November 2021 Learning About Going Live On Twitch

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Good morning from here how are you? It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I’m guessing a lot of you are taking advantage of Black Friday deals….not my thing lol!

So I’m sipping on some coffee and thinking about what I want to do with my Twitch channel. I’m not entirely sure who my audience is as no one has left a comment in chat yet. I don’t even know how someone would leave a comment. I am working with what I have which is my phone. Most streamers I’ve spent time with have pretty elaborate setups with microphones and multiple cameras. The other thing is content – actually having something new to say each stream. I think with the pros the chat feedback helps them with that.

Today I’m thinking about talking about my dog Links origin story. I can’t believe he’s going to be 7 on the 9th of December! Thankfully he’s in good health. Anyways his story is pretty special – especially how God let me know he was coming! Unfortunately his baby pictures are trapped on an external hard drive I can’t use – it got dropped one too many times!

Looking forward to going with my friend and her grandson to see the holiday lights in Caldwell tonight! Hope you have a good day!

25 November 2021 Happy Thanksgiving

Check out this video Morning with Jackie – Happy Thanksgiving https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1215592494

Hello to you and Happy Thanksgiving to those of you that celebrate the holiday. This holiday is my favorite because it’s about food and family. I hope however you spend this day that it bring you happiness.

I plan on spending today with my cousin and the rest of the family. I’m bringing a key lime pie I picked up. I am a little nervous about the drive as it’s further than I have driven before but hopefully my Phone GPS won’t do me wrong!

23 November 2021 Twitch – Good Day

Hello! It’s morning here as I write to you. I just tried something new. Yesterday my therapist introduced me to Twitch to try and help me with my lonelys problem and so this morning I did a Livestream for a few minutes to try it out. If you use Twitch you can use the search to find me at jwygant. It said I had a viewer but I think it was me lol. A lot of the views go to people with pretty polished presentations. Yesterday I really enjoyed hearing live violin music. One site called Artesianbuilds is watching high end computer builds. From my experience so far, I think I can recommend Twitch.

Yesterday was really a good day. I can honestly say I enjoyed my own company which is rare for me to say! I had a good session with my therapist and on the way home I got groceries and gas in the car (both expensive but can’t be helped! It cost me what I usually pay for a full tank for just a half of a tank). I was planning on bringing green bean casserole to Thanksgiving but couldn’t find the ingredients! So I picked up a key lime pie that should be good.

I have scheduled a Meetup group for the 4th of December (Connect Middleton ID). I don’t expect much since it’s the holiday season but can’t hurt to try. I have to keep it going since I’m paying for it! If you know about Meetup and would like to visit it’s free. RSVP!

I feel like I’m swirling back to a place I’ve been before. A few years ago I was doing videos I called Morning Coffee With Jackie. I did it on YouTube. I kind of got lost in the abyss and gave it up. May be I’ll try something like that on Twitch. I keep thinking of Mr Rogers Neighborhood. May be I can be a friendly face in the crowd. I’m not looking to make money just reaching out. We will see where things go.

“There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” – Fred Rogers

22 November 2021 Monday

Hi. It’s Monday and thankfully the sun is shining. It’s kind of a deceptive sun though as it’s real chilly out…34 degrees! How is your day going? My morning is going slow. I just want to stay curled up in bed !

Here is something fun from Eisenfunk for those who remember the video game Pong: https://youtu.be/cNAdtkSjSps

My creative noodles are kind of dried up the past couple of days. May be after my outing today something will spark. I want to say thanks to you visitors new and old. It really means a lot!

21 November 2021 Infantile

Hello . Ugh!! I wasn’t going to write again today. I have been having a rough day on my own. The best way to describe what I’m experiencing is imagine an infant wrapped up in a blanket in a crib screaming. You try feeding the infant and that quiets the child for a few minutes. You put the baby back in the crib. They start screaming again. You give them some milk….same thing more screaming. You try singing, reading, rocking, dangling their favorite toy in front of their face….. nothing but more screaming. Finally you pick up the child and hold them and speak softly in soothing tones….at last there is peace.

There is a part of me way deep inside that is the infant I described. Even after 53 years I still can’t completely soothe “Baby Jackie!” It is so tiresome trying to parent an infant trapped inside my own body! I just can’t seem to please her and if I do it isn’t for long. “We” are chronically lonely.

When my Mom took her own life, it feels like she took a part of me with her. I was too young to know her but there must be a part of me that did. A part of me that just can’t seem to find lasting comfort with life in this world without her. I try! I really try but it’s on days like today that remind me I have to keep at it! When you are a mother to your own soul your work is never done.

Sigh…..I hope something here resonates. I’d love to hear from you and your story.

21 November 2021 Happy Birthday And The Village

Hello and good morning to you from here. How are you? Today is my Aunts birthday ! Happy birthday Auntie !

Happy birthday Auntie ! She is my biggest fan!

Well last night my friend and I went to The Village in Meridian but we made a stop at the super Albertsons across the street first. Wow is that a big store. So many choices! I told her I probably wouldn’t shop in there as I would get overwhelmed!

The Village looks so pretty at night. They had lots of lights. The waterfall moved in time to holiday music. They also had an ice skating rink! I liked standing by the gas fire pits they had going so you could stay warm while you waited outside. We ate pizza at a place called Grimaldi’s. There was quite a wait but it was worth it. I shared a spinach salad while we waited for a red onion and sausage pizza. The whole experience was surreal for me. If I was a better painter there would be paintings. If I owned a better camera there would be lots of pictures.

What’s funny is both of us are homebody’s so it was really good for us to get out. My friend is a life coach and something she said last night really stuck out, “it’s your choice….when your ready.” She was talking to me in the context of my moving on with my life. Right now I’m feeling kind of stuck. I have a second room full of stuff I can’t handle looking at. Ever since I hired those ladies to organize it I haven’t really touched the room! Sometimes I wish I had thrown everything away and started with a clean slate. Anyhew….it was good to talk to her. God has a plan and I just need to keep saying yes to the doors he opens for me .

Tree at The Village Meridian ID

20 November 2021 Saturday

A power ballad to start the day:

Isaiah 41:10New International Version

10 So do not fear,(A) for I am with you;(B)
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen(C) you and help(D) you;
I will uphold you(E) with my righteous right hand.(F)

So the Saturday has begun. I have had coffee. I have two happy dogs. I have sunshine. Later on today I am going with my new friend to a place in a town nearby called Meridian. It’s called The Village. The Village is like a real high end Mall but it’s out in the open. They have it all decorated for Christmas so that will be fun to see. May be it will get me in the spirit.

A lot of stuff is going on in my world but it is all part of a plan

19 November 2021 In the Middle

Hello. I’m writing to you from a place in the middle. I’m bored out of my fucking mind….just waiting for the “next thing” to happen. This is me talking to God in words. I don’t know if it will make sense.

“I walk the margins to avoid the shattered glass. I grasp at this and that feeding the ever expanding me. I can’t escape me no matter how hard I try. This shiny and that shiny a fleeting glimmer in the expanding and contracting black holes at the center of my eyes…..more there must be more than this! Is this the best you have to offer?!! Be still you tell me. The silence in stillness is maddening what’s next?! I scream inside…..I walk and let out silent screams. Can you hear me?! I walk on the shattered glass now just so I’ll feel the margins….feel anything but this endless middle place between now and then. It’s never enough. I’m perpetually hungry from my stomach to my soul. God What will you do with this vibrating slab of me? You have stripped me down to echoes. What am I undirected and left to my own devices? An automaton waiting for some unseen hand to activate me? Always waiting for someone or something to inspire movement ? I used to have thoughts of my own. A will of my own . God where have I gone?”