Today was a good and bad day for me. I had a bad manic episode which landed me in the hospital for the past few months. I thought it was the end of the world again and did some stupid stuff about it. Today my Aunt and Uncle braved the long drive to get me out and come home. On the way home we found out my baby boy Link got away from the dog sitters and got picked up by the the humane society that is making it really difficult to get him out. I am so disappointed but am trying to stay hopeful that everything is going to work out.
For a long time , most of my life, I have loved God. As I have matured and learned so much about matters of organic energy and matters of the spirit I have learned through personal experience how important it is to have s personal relationship. A relationship no one outside of myself can define. No book or written word. Sometimes just the sound of aspen leaves blowing in the wind. Always present. Recently I made a choice I had been straddling the fence about for many years. I decided to surrender my soul to Jesus Christ….not in the book but the one I have come to know through a personal relationship. In the sky, God and the Earth my mother…our shared mother and once they made a son. I don’t believe he left such is not the way of this system as I understand it. Too many words. Human beings trying to make sense of things as they had understanding at the time. Words of the time that have changed in ours. So many translations. So many individual perceptions. We are in the one circle. Sometimes mythology is our only comfort in times of great loss and confusion.
This morning I had an interesting dream. There was a woman I had a conflict with and she got so angry with me. We exchanged words and I thought that was it but then she started to slap my face faster than is even humanly possible. She was so angry! But I stood still and let her do it until finally she stopped. To me this was biblical. No matter what was going on, I stood my ground and didn’t retaliate against her. Something she did not expect me to do.
Matthew 5:38-40New International Version
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a](A)39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.(B)40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.
When I was growing up my Mom used to get very angry with me. I don’t want to go into it out of respect for her. She used to get so mad at me she would “see red.” I had to, later, learn to empathize with why she may have done some things she did AND because of those things she made me a survivor. She had a lot that made her the way she was and that influenced who I was but at the end of the day I had a choice. I could choose to not forgive her and lose the only Mom God gave me or forgive and not waste any more time feeding darkness that comes of it.
Imagine waiting nearly a whole life time to hear your father tell you he loved you……as I recall it this was the case for her. On his deathbed!
God needed me to be tough to survive these times. No matter what I have endured, I wouldn’t change a thing……even my mother’s suicide. This world was too tough for her and she wanted to be with Jesus. She has been my mother in other ways with his help. I just had to make s conscious decision about my soul and surrender.
Today many will be choosing to experience fellowship about Jesus indoors. I will be going to a park. The energy inside of many enclosed spaces, when other people are there, is difficult for me. Bless all of you today.
Sometimes people smile but they are a black hole sun.
… I love You, Lord For Your mercy never fails me All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands From the moment that I wake up Until I lay my head Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
… And all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
… I love Your voice You have led me through the fire In the darkest night You are close like no other I’ve known You as a Father I’ve known You as a Friend And I have lived in the goodness of God (yeah)
… And all my life You have been faithful (oh) And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God (yeah)
… ‘Cause Your goodness is running after It’s running after me Your goodness is running after It’s running after me With my life laid down I’m surrendered now I give You everything ‘Cause Your goodness is running after It’s running after me (oh-oh)
… ‘Cause Your goodness is running after It’s running after me Your goodness is running after It’s running after me With my life laid down I’m surrendered now I give You everything ‘Cause Your goodness is running after It keeps running after me
… And all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God (I’m gonna sing, I’m gonna sing)
… ‘Cause all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God
I have wrestled with my faith for most of my life. I have always loved God but just in the past year actually made a conscious decision to accept Jesus as my savior. At my lowest point he did not turn his face from me. Through my cousin and his wife he rescued me. From my understanding this was a symbol Christians used to use for secret meeting.
Sometimes loss, suffering, pain can turn us inside out. From my own experience, huge voids, organic black holes created and nothing of this tangible world can fill us up. What I have had to learn is to be careful what I put into those voids once they happen. Everything is an energetic process. Our bodies, our world, what we eat and drink with a fork and spoon and the food we eat that you can’t chew and swallow (energy) is energy. Everything is some form of energetic process. If you experience something that you suffer about, be careful, be mindful of what you “ingest” in its place. For me – Jesus Christ and music. I love you – in case no one has told you that today. Get out there and do amazing things. You got this!
