Tag: mania

5 May 2023 Direction

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What gives you direction in life?

Hello to you. Hard to believe it’s Friday again. Today is the celebration of Cinco Demayo and my exe in-laws 44th wedding anniversary. It’s so rare that people stay together that long. Even though I’m no longer married to their son I still consider them to be family. Once I love you it takes a lot for me to stop loving you. They are good people!

Todays prompt makes me think. I have never really had a direction in my life other than wanting to be a good person but it’s not been easy. Wanting to please God has flitted through my life, not to displease my family and friends has also been a reason for a direction. As I’ve mentioned before, as a young child and teenager I wanted to be famous but let go of that when I saw what fame does to peoples lives. Another primary direction has been not wanting to be forgotten. Since I never had children I have no one to pass my legacy on to.

A primary director, the Holy Spirit, seems quiet if not silent in my life. For so many years I felt I had a close connection. I could write, sing, draw, paint and make jewelry and other things. It’s probably just my being in an in between place right now. I think it’s also the medication I’m on that prevents mania from happening. Taking Lithium is different than taking Depakote and Zyprexa. I kind of miss the creativity and spirituality that comes with being manic. I think another reason for the lack of direction is the fact I’m still healing from my wounds these past couple of years. I am trying to stay open to God – to the Holy Spirit. I don’t think God is done with me yet!

A drawing I did back in 2015. I named it 7712 but I remember thinking of the title “Waiting” for it. I miss drawing like this – it’s like my creativity spigot is completely closed.

Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

24 October 2021 Sunday

by saymber, posted in dreams, Home, Leading Life by Example, Money, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? As I write to you it’s gray and wet. We are getting some much needed rain. I took some extra Vitamin D this morning to help out with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I just want to hibernate like a big ol grizzly when the seasons change. It’s dark by 7 pm right now and the lights don’t really come back on til around 8 am!

So I’m hoping my drum arrives today. A friend of mine said his Amazon delivery hasn’t showed up . It was supposed to be at his place yesterday. I imagine this is the supply chain problem?!! It would be nice if they let people know there was a delay! A positive side to the delay is it gives me more time to think about things!

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept hearing drums in my head! I kept imagining the lawn chairs on my porch being filled with people playing a drum or some other musical instrument . Then my thoughts got bigger. They expanded out to seeing a group of people meeting at one of our local parks. I could see a community of like minded souls praising God together outside or inside if there was a place to do it.

“Start small. If you grow too big too fast you’ll fall.”

Is this a God thing? When your someone like me you have to be careful that passions aren’t just mania manifesting itself. I don’t want to plant this seed, in this case put money down to start a Meetup Group, and then lose interest. Judging by the fact there aren’t any groups for Middleton I’m nervous that I’m not going to reach the people here. I guess this is a time for faith. A belief in what can’t be seen. If this is God at work I have nothing to worry about and just have to practice what I preach! Patience!!