11 October 2021 Living Your Faith

October 11, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you? I got a walk in it was chilly and cold. I’m not ready for cold weather again so soon. It seems like just yesterday the trees across the street were blooming!! Sadly I’m not in charge of the earths thermostat !

This morning on the walk I asked what I should write about and the topic that came forth is a hard one . It was about living your faith in your day to day life. Faith isn’t just in sacred text, holy days and churches, temples and synagogues. It’s every day. Sometimes it’s confusing. I have a lot of trouble with the conflicting guidance you get from the Old and New testament . I prefer the messages in the New Testament :

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version

Love for Enemies

⁴³“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a]^(A) and hate your enemy.’^(B) ⁴⁴But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,^(C) ⁴⁵that you may be children^(D) of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.^(E) ⁴⁶If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?^(F) Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?⁴⁸Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.^(G)

It’s easy to love those who love you back and are lovable. It’s easy to pray for your friends and family. Right now I’m having a situation where I’m being challenged to be able to care about someone but not be hurt by caring. I have to keep my distance or risk my own mental health and well being.

How do you live your faith and still stay mentally sound? Something that I’ve done and has been done to me is letting someone go with love. You wish a person a well and happy life but because of irreconcilable differences you can’t be part of each other’s lives. You don’t stop loving and caring for a person but you don’t tolerate their oftentimes negative activity in your life.

It is hard to practice your own advice sometimes especially when your a softy like I am ! It’s easy to take the path of least resistance but end up being a doormat as a result . Thankfully I have a strong support system that is trying to keep me from being that. They don’t want to see me be anybody’s emotional punching bag!

The question remains how do you live your faith in your daily life and still remain intact ? How do all the walks of faith on earth keep it together when it feels like this world is falling apart ? How do you not go crazy trying to live up to ancient doctrine in a world that seems so contrary to most of it ? It feels like we are divided tribes at war for the same sacred spaces . So many questions and so many conflicting answers .

I am still on my quest of faith. I’m one of those that hasn’t quite settled on a path. What does it mean for me to live my faith then? What is my faith? I’m sure The God of my understanding is at work in my life. I just have to remain open minded and willing to proceed. Like I learned in AA just keep doing the next right thing.

1 October 2021 Hugs & Blogging

October 1, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you doing today ? It’s the beginning of the month already! This year has gone by so fast hasn’t it? My knees allowed me to get a couple laps in. They have been aching. Just found out there are almost 2,000 more cases of Covid here in Idaho ! I’m surprised they aren’t mandating masks again . I have family that was vaccinated and still got sick!

This morning my mind turns to hugs! I love to give and receive them. I don’t know if there is any documented evidence, but I think there must be health benefits! When I think of the mechanics of a hug it’s like putting two powerful batteries together for a few moments. It feels good. It’s like sunshine on the heart !

“Embrace me let your light shine on my heart, may the warmth last long after we are apart.”

Writing this blog has become an everyday thing I do. It helps me connect with people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet. It makes me feel useful. It helps me feel less lonely….like I have someone to talk to. Oftentimes I don’t want to finish a blog because then there will be silence! For some reason when I blog I connect with my internal “voice.”

Writing this blog gives me purpose. It’s always my hope that someone will read it and something will resonate. I think it’s a way to connect with the God of my understanding. This blog and the drawings I do each day are the highlight of my day.

“Welcome to a corner of my mind, a place to relax for a moment and unwind. A message may be just for you, a message just for me by the time the day is through. They call this exchange we are having a blog, for me it is a daily log. A daily accounting of my life, joys, tribulations and may be some strife . Thank you dear reader for stopping by, I hope you find something here for you and you’ll say hi “

30 September 2021 Warm and Cold

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Nature, Writing and blogging

Hello and good day to you ! How are you ? I’m chilly and sore the day after getting the Moderna shot. I can’t seem to get warm!

I’ve been under the covers most of the morning . My house can’t decide if it’s going to be warm or cold! At night the temperatures are starting to get into the mid 30’s. It’s almost time to turn on the heat !

Are you ready for the change of seasons?

Not much to write about today! My brain is kind of gooey !! I just wanted to say hello .

29 September 2021 Home

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello again. I’m back . One of the things that has always helped me is writing. I always remember Kyle telling me to write for myself even if no one reads it! This blog is a very therapeutic tool for me. If you have stopped by and decide to stay and read, I hope there is something here for you too .

So I have a 734 sq ft home that I share with my dog Link . It’s enough living space for us but it’s not enough of a creating space. All it takes is a couple of things and you have clutter. I had some professional organizers come in and ever since I have not wanted to touch anything! My second room is basically storage. I exist in my house but I don’t flourish in it. I downsized before I was ready and with the housing market being what it is – I’m stuck! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a home I just feel lost In it right now.

“A tiny home to put her shoeboxes in, a place blessed by God to start her life over again. “

I think I just figured out why I have been having so much trouble with feeling at home for so long. After my cats Amber and May died part of me went with them. They were my heart and home . They were always there and then they weren’t . They always used to inspect the things I made and sang me to sleep with their purr. I feel disorientated even writing about this! I miss my little daughters . We lost 4 animals in a short period of time and it wrecked me. Death is my nemesis.

I know God has a plan for me I’m just not sure what it is . So many people figure out what to do with their lives. Why does it have to be so hard for me to figure it out ? I’m 53 dammit!! I don’t get much more time! Why am I still here ?! When will I be home ?

29 September 2021 Strange World

September 29, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Food, Writing and blogging

Hello to you as you visit me here today . How are you ? I went and got my second Moderna shot this morning and got groceries. So far so good with how I’m feeling!

Something I was noticing today as I shopped is it feels like our local store is having trouble keeping things in stock . I’m never sure if there will be enough bottled drinking water. With more people living here and the tap water not tasting very good I guess that makes sense.

It feels like we are living in a strange world. As a kid I used to drink water from the tap and from the garden hose on a hot day. Now it has to be filtered a bunch of times to be suitable to drink . Did you ever think we would come to this ?!!

28 September 2021 Wet and Gray Morning

September 28, 2021September 28, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you this morning ? It’s wet and gray. I tried to go for a walk and it started pouring! Now I have the chills and just want to cuddle with Link! I am grateful for the rain though. We don’t get much rain here!

I had some ideas of pictures to draw today but it’s just not the same drawing without some sunshine! May be later! Today feels like a day to rest .

“Pitter patter a wet drumbeat on my eaves, out in the yard the breeze plays with the fallen leaves. A day of rest a blanket pulled to the chin , closing of eyes going back to sleep again . “

A happy birthday wish to my cousin Heidi today!

27 September 2021 Early Riser

September 27, 2021September 27, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you? I’m sitting out in the morning sun and it feels good. This morning has been a bit of mental gymnastics.

I am having trouble writing today. Thankfully there is the morning sun and it feels good against my skin. Some days I feel so out of sorts ! It seems to come out of nowhere and all I can do is ride through it . Is it this?! Is it that?! Walk around the block a couple of times. Eat an extra meal ! I’ll figure it out !!

24 September 2021 Plans

September 24, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you ? It’s starting out to be a nice day. I’m sitting on my front porch and it’s a cool 52 degrees! The morning sun makes it really comfortable . I got my mile walk in.

So in a few hours I have plans to go with my friend to a pumpkin patch in Kuna. I’m really looking forward to it . When you live alone like I do, having plans to do something is a big deal. It’s nice to have someone to go do things with.

I wish we could take Link but he gets a little too fired up about strangers .

The morning beams reach to the vaulted sky, off to distant corners the birds stretch and fly . I look to faraway paths I haven’t tread, I listen for whispers of stanzas I haven’t said. There is a plan unseen floating before my day, I reach into the ether for the scripted play.

23 September 2021 Peaceful

September 23, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today? I’m doing alright . I had this blog all finished a few minutes ago but I decided to discard it. I don’t know why I guess it just wasn’t what I wanted to post!

I wanted to talk about a feeling I got last night . For the first time in a long time I felt peace and contentment . I went to sleep and woke up with that feeling and it was so awesome . No emotional or physical pain! True peace . I wonder if it was spending time with my friend yesterday . We went to Red Robin for burgers and had a really nice visit. I got lots of hugs !

Oh to still the churning waters of my soul, to calm the anxiety stained winds that always seem to blow. A simple gesture of the warm embrace, to stop time and put a smile on my face. A remedy as old as can be, someone lovingly holding on to me .

I don’t know if there is a perfect formula for peace. If there was we would have a whole lot fewer doctors and pill bottles . I know part of my peace comes from God through other people . A simple thing like a hug means so much to me . I think there is a lot of power having two hearts close together .

21 September 2021 Mantra

September 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I hope you are doing well . I am trying to stay in the present moment and stay positive. It’s a beautiful fall morning .

This morning I could feel some anxiety creeping in. I mentally asked for help in relieving it and the answer was “say the mantra.” The only thing I had memorized was the Lords Prayer and Hail Mary so I started saying those over and over. By doing that my anxiety thoughts and feelings were interrupted . When I would stop, the anxiety “stuff” would return.

So then it was time to get up and go for a walk and I was still feeling the anxiety. I decided to just think like a cheerleader! “Let’s do this! “ “We got this!” Anything to relieve the discomfort that anxiety makes me feel! Mornings are rough for me . That tactic worked for a little while!

I have never been good about meditating . I have a monkey mind or “wild mind.” It just goes all over the place! So it was interesting that the help suggested became a combination of Buddhism and Christianity!

Do you have a mantra or prayer that you say that helps you when you are having anxiety ? What helps you quiet things down ?