Good morning. Well Link and I had our walk, eaten breakfast and now some laundry. I am grateful to be able to do those things after looking at the headlines for Michigan this morning – severe flooding.
I didn’t write yesterday. My husband had a journal for a little while when he was welding and he said it was a bit like may be a diary of a blacksmith back in the day, “Today, I made a sword.” The next day, “Today, I made a sword and a hammer.” It gets real dull after awhile. I honestly don’t have a lot to write about right now and feel a little dull!
I am still wrestling with myself about whether or not to keep my handwritten journals, I was talking with someone in the health chat program I’ve been using lately and they brought up a good point. Feelings come and go but once I get rid of the journals that’s it, they will be gone. There are memories from my current marriage like playing scrabble with my husbands Grandma before she died. I am having a real hard time thinking about tossing away stuff like that.
I spoke with my Care manager yesterday about my anxiety issues lately. He had a lot of the same ideas my cousins wife Tawna, who has a Masters in Psychology, had to offer. He suggested breathing exercises, yoga stretches, making a safe place for being in and visualizations. He suggested church groups, prayer, meditation and reaching out like I have been doing with family, friends and chats. He is calling me once a week now. It’s helpful to have a professional checking in and being able to talk to him.
Other than that, I am missing affection. Between social distancing and my husband and I being separated it is hard. I am grateful to have Link as he likes to cuddle and is affectionate. We are planning on getting together for Memorial Day (25th). I hope when I see him and his family there will be hugs even if we have to wear masks!
Hello to you. How are you doing today? Well I’m up, got a load of laundry in and some hot tea brewed. I got some sleep last night which is important right now for me to stay strong. I’m working on the new laptop I ordered and so far so good on that. I bought it planning for downsizing and mobility for my future.
So what’s on my mind after the past couple of days is support systems and how important they are to have when you are going through the many things I’m going through at once. I just recently got out of the hospital. We are planning to be sell our house. I will be making a long distance move. My husband and I are separated and will potentially be getting a divorce. That’s a lot of stuff to go through at once! Everybody that knows, loves and cares about me wants for my happiness so a support system is getting stronger to help me through all of this.
I have been talking a lot to the family I ultimately will be living with and near. They have become a strong support system for me long distance but they have encouraged me to make sure I have something here as well.
My husband is only able to do so much considering what is going on between us. I am realizing without him here with me just how much I relied on him for a bunch of things to include moral support. It’s really hard living without him! With everything that’s happened, I can’t completely rely on him and his family now and understandably so. They have already been very helpful and are doing what they can given the circumstances and for that I’m very grateful.
One of the big obstacles for me right now is living in the house with our shared stuff and contemplating getting a POD delivered and having to pack it. I’m feeling a overwhelmed and have been experiencing a lot of anxiety. My Aunt encouraged me to back off a little and allow my husband to do his part too. What’s going on is a lot of the stuff we have isn’t even worth keeping or selling. He’s already taken most of what he says he wants out of the house but there is a lot of furniture and clothing yet of his here. I can’t just put everything to the curb for the garbage to pick up. The garbage people only pick up so much stuff at a time. I just have to be patient about this and trust we will get it all worked out.
So I am having to use the system that has been put in place for me and reach out in the ways I can so I stay connected. With this pandemic going on things aren’t as easy as they used to be but at least there is something.
Like my Aunt told me yesterday, we are going to use the technology we have to our advantage. She said she has been praying for me a lot and God even answered saying, “She’s your gift.” I hope so, sometimes I don’t feel like one! We decided we can talk every day if we want to! We will do whatever we have to do to get through this as a family.
Yesterday I also had a long visit with my cousins wife who has a Master’s in Psychology and that really helped a lot. She emphasized the importance of my utilizing the system I have access to. For example just having someone to talk to at least once a week from a professional standpoint that isn’t family – someone to check on me kind of thing. So I made contact with my Care Manager and arranged for that. As she and I talked about, just having someone to talk to even for a few minutes really helps you get through the day. Something else wise she said, “we are not our problems.” Hearing her say that really resonated with me.
I am sharing all of this as a way to help me help others if that makes sense. Writing also helps me process what I’m going through. Something I learned when I was in AA was to share my experience, strength and hope. When you share the difficulties you are going through and how you are going through them, you can potentially help someone else facing similar circumstances.
Thank you in advance friends and family who visit me here and read. Your support means a lot to me!
Hello again. It’s a gray and windy afternoon and I’m lonesome. To help fill the void what seems to be working for me right now is walking and writing. I’ve taken a couple of long walks already today so I figured I’d spend some more time writing. I’ve been seeing a lot of other folks in our neighborhoods out walking too so I don’t think I’m alone with what I’m going through.
I decided to try my hand at a short story with a tree theme in honor or my husband and my wedding anniversary today:
A long time ago there was a little seed that was born on the branch of a great oak tree. When that seed was first formed it didn’t know how long it would be part of the oak tree that formed it. The seed didn’t know where it would go should it have to leave the oak tree. The rains came. The sun shown. The breath of morning, noon and night came and went. The moon glowed and the stars shown. The seed got bigger and bigger until one day the winds blew just right and the seed was forced from it’s branch on the parent oak. The seed was large and plummeted noisely to the ground. Once making purchase with the grass, it rattled a little bit inside it’s shell then lay still. Now came the waiting time. Waiting to be chosen.
8 May 2020 an oak seed
The seed lay still on the spot to which it’s parent had dropped it for many days. The rains came. The sun shown, The breath of morning, noon and night came and went. The moon glowed and the stars shown. The seed lay very still and waited to be chosen by one of the great Arborists also known as squirrel. It was the dream all oak seeds to be chosen for planting so they could create brand new great oak of their own!
Many other seeds lay on the ground all around this one seed. Then the day came when the great Arborist started to examine the seeds to see which ones would be worthy for planting. It was getting to be fall and the Arborist was planning ahead to colder times. The Arborist picked up each seed and examined them very closely. Occasionally they would shake a seed and listen carefully for just the right sound. One by one, each seed was carefully examined until finally the great Arborist came to that one lone seed that had fallen seemingly so long ago.
At first it looked like the Arborist was going to reject the lonely seed. They picked up and dropped the seed more than once. They shook the seed and examined it in great detail before taking it into it’s mouth to nice patch of dirt and burying it. Now the sleep slumbered. The rains came. The sun shown. The breath of morning, noon and night came and went. The moon glowed and the stars shown. Then something magical happened, a sprout shot through the hard seed shell and dark soil. The sprout reached up to the sky and thus was the beginning of a new oak tree.
8 May 2020 a baby oak sapling.
Sometimes I feel a bit like the seed in this little story. I have tried to bloom where I’ve been planted here in Alvarado, but I am feeling the winds blow in a new direction. I am feeling a tug at my soul but I’m not exactly sure which direction. What is the plan for me? How can I be useful to my little family? How can I best serve this world I love without being a burden to it? I will try my best to remain vigilant and open minded. God always has a plan.
“seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33
“oak tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 75
Arborist” in the English Ordinal system equals 102
squirrel” in the English Ordinal system equals 119
to bloom where you are planted” in the English Ordinal system equals 308
I came across this today and thought it was really sweet:
2 Sept 2019 Jackie Wygant cell phone picture horse apple tree next to abandoned house near The Family Dollar Alvarado TX
The other day I was walking to the Family Dollar down the street and happened to notice this beautiful tree living near an abandoned house across the street from our local Elementary School. I got to thinking about how nice it would be if that property could be annexed to the school for learning about plants and nature; like a nature learning center or something. There is a large field next to it I imagined being turned into a community garden and it could also be part of the learning center. I imagined children learning how to grow their own food and appreciating nature like I do.
Facts and Myths of Hedge Apples by Dr. Barbara Ogg, Extension Educator
This article appeared in the October 2001 NEBLINE Newsletter
This time of year, hedge apples – the fruit from the Osage-orange tree – are being sold at farmer’s markets, garden centers, and other locations. Many people have heard that these fruits can be used as an insect repellent, but the truth is that many people don’t know much else about this unusual tree and its fruit.
The Tree and Its Fruit:
The Osage-orange is a small to medium-sized tree, having a short trunk and a rounded or irregular crown. The twigs are buff to orange-brown and are armed with one-half inch long spines. The stems exude a milky sap when cut. The Osage-orange is dioecious, meaning that male and female flowers are produced on separate trees. The small, green flowers appear in May or June. Female trees produce 3-to 5-inch diameter fruit which ripen in September or October and fall to the ground.
Native Habitat and Current Distribution:
The Osage-orange is native to a small area in eastern Texas, southeastern Oklahoma, and southwestern Arkansas. This region is the home of the Osage Indians which gives the tree its common name. Settlers found that the Osage-orange transplanted easily, tolerated poor soils, extreme heat, and strong winds and had no serious insect or disease problems. It was widely planted in the Midwest as a living fence because, when pruned into a hedge, it provided an impenetrable barrier to livestock. The development of barbed wire curtailed its widespread planting, but many Osage-orange trees can still be found in fence rows.
Uses of the Osage-Orange:
The wood is extremely hard, heavy, durable and shrinks or swells little compared to the wood of other trees. The wood is used for fence posts, treenails, furniture, and archery bows. In fact, many archers consider the wood of the Osage-orange to be the world’s finest wood for bows. Another common name for this tree, bodark, is from the French bios d’arc meaning “bow wood.” This tree also produces a bright yellow dye which can be extracted from the wood.
The fruit of the Osage-orange is a nuisance in the home landscape and has little value. Hedge apples are not an important source of food for wildlife as most birds and animals find the fruit unpalatable. The thorny trees do provide nesting and cover for wildlife.
The belief about the use of hedge apples for insect control is widespread and persistent. it is claimed that placing hedge apples around the foundation or inside the basement will repel or control insects. A few years ago, Iowa State University toxicologists extracted compounds from hedge apples. When concentrated, these compounds were found to repel insects.
Scientists also found that natural concentrations of these compounds in the fruit were too low to be an effective repellent. So, don’t be fooled into spending much to use hedge apples as an insect repellent.
If you decide to pick hedge apples to check out the repellency yourself or to use the fruit as a fall decoration, it would be wise to wear gloves. The milky juice present in the stems and fruit of the Osage-orange can irritate the skin.
Looking for information about a specific insect pest or your local wildlife? Visit here.
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IMG_5751 11 July 2019 proof of wasps taking care of the pecan tree out back Alvarado TX
11 July 2019 – cropped version of picture showing what’s going on. I felt bad for the caterpillar but to save it I would have had to kill the wasp. Our pecan tree has almost been completely taken over by caterpillars this summer. From what I have personally seen with my own eyes, Wasps help take care of the trees and I’ve been seeing less of them over the past few years.
IMG_5752 11 July 2019 proof of wasps taking care of the pecan tree out back Alvarado TX
*Seeing this today was like they were showing me, “Hey, look what my job is! I have value, I have worth!” We used to be mean to the wasps until I took the time to learn their job in nature actually is. From what I have personally witnessed, their purpose for existence includes trying to keep our trees healthy. Since trees are basically the lungs of the planet, I think that’s a pretty important job! I have read conflicting information about wasps online. My personal experience is they are helpers and teachers. What came through in the numbers is a pecan tree and a teacher have a pattern in common. What I believe is we all, whatever form, are teachers, students, messages and receivers of those messages. I believe everyone has value in one way or another. It’s not always easy to understand what we are trying to convey to each other. I don’t think we should give up trying!
133 – “don’t give up”
Wasp – 59/84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140…….
*remember, these are only just a few of the meanings of these numbers that I have found for myself and am sharing with you.
152’s – amber tree resin, positive drama, positive being,
pecan tree – 87/114/128/141/128/141……….
87- person, truth, roots, justice
pecan – 39/98/91/76/117/133/146
98 – killer bees (I found this value trying to figure out why people may have a fear of bees/wasps. Remember those old Killer bee television shows and movies? When I was a very small girl I can remember drinking a can of soda without realizing a bee was in the can and I got stung. I was pretty freaked out! It wasn’t the bee’s fault but a “seed of fear” was planted that I had to actively overcome through time. I did this through trying to understand them instead of thinking they were all bad. The same principle I have used towards other insects and life forms to include people. It’s not easy to do but for me personally, it has been worth trying to do.)
76 – humans
117’s – nurture, “I’m sorry,” dissection, projecting, “broken earth,” humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, cultivated, heartbroken, water falls (If you look at a pecan it looks like a human brain in the shell and they are considered a healthy food for the brain). http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2016/11/pecans-provide-brain-boost.html
tree – 48/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……….
To be 