13 July 2023 Bedtime

July 13, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

Hello to you. I’m just back from Grace House where we have a prayer meeting each Thursday at 9:30 am. Today it was Lois, Brie and me. We are hoping that may be this fall our group will grow some. I walked over and back. My lower back wasn’t happy but the prayers helped. I have been having some vertigo/swaying spells the past couple of days. I hope this isn’t a side effect of the new medication I’m on! We prayed for my Aunt and Dad too. Just found out my Aunt is having shoulder surgery later this month.

So bedtime and getting up are something I’ve been having to work on. I try to start going to bed at 9 pm and I usually wake up around 8-9 am. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and I don’t like getting out of bed right away. I think the reason I have trouble falling asleep has to do with being on screens before bed time. Last night I didn’t have anything on after lights out and I don’t remember falling asleep! Just takes good practice and consistency I think.

Today was good because I needed to be up early to go to the prayer meeting. It’s good to have a reason to get up and have something to look forward to.

Psalm 4:8New International Version

⁸In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

7 July 2023 Afternoon Light

July 7, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? The past couple days I’ve been having a lot of fullness in my ears and with that has come anxiety. I don’t know if it’s the new medication or what.

Have you ever noticed how things look during different phases of sunlight? I can remember reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau and his talking about taking objects from inside his house outside when he cleaned and how different they looked in the sunlight. I can remember when I was really into photography with my first husband Ken how important light was to taking pictures. Early morning and dusk were the ideal times for pictures – the most color saturation:

This is an example of a picture taken at dusk – really saturated color

The cameras we used, like a Nikon, had light meters and everything wasn’t automatic like it is today . Who could of imagined cell phone cameras! They can take still photos and videos like devices we used to use that were much more complicated.

John 9:5New International Version

⁵While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

6 July 2023 Romantic

July 6, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Movies, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What’s your definition of romantic?

Hello to you. I’m just back from meeting with our little prayer group at Grace House. We had a nice turn out! There were four of us. The walk over was nice yet tiring. I push myself even though I feel like a Weeble Wobble! Do you remember those toys?

Some roses still blooming despite the heat

Now to the prompt – what do I feel is the definition of romantic. I know this will seem weird but when I think of romance a couple movies come to mind and they both have to do with never ending love – Somewhere In Time and Brahms Stokers Dracula. There is something so romantic to me about love that transcends time and space. I can’t watch Somewhere in Time without being a mess afterwards! Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour did such a great job. The dinner date with absinthe and turning tears into diamonds in Dracula is just so romantic! Love the music for both films.

I can remember having an experience like this during one of my hospital stays. There was a young woman named Yamila I met and she seemed so familiar. I asked her if we had ever met before and she said “perhaps in another life.” Such an odd thing to say and it really stuck me. She reminded me of a girl I supervised in the military. Yamila walked, talked and did other gestures just as if I was with Eveline again! Eveline was Dutch and just such a sweet girl – my first troop!

1 Corinthians 13:8-13New International Version

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹²For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

5 July 2023 Expressing Gratitude

July 5, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How do you express your gratitude?

Hello there. We survived another 4th of July! The people firing off fireworks last night weren’t as intense as last year. I’m thankful for that! I just had a walk around the block and no loose dogs or cats which is a blessing. We had a wonderful visit with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and his wife yesterday. Lots of good food – huge hot dogs! They brought the bike over but I couldn’t ride it without feeling like it was going to tip over. My balance just wasn’t there! So we are leaving the bike with them. So another “can’t” on the books. I’m not sure if it’s just because it had three wheels or just me not being able to balance. Everybody else was able to ride it. When they had a two wheel bike I had no problem riding it but that was before I had the swaying issues in my head.

Todays prompt makes me think of my family and friends. So much to be thankful for and the way I have expressed my gratitude has mostly been words these past couple of years. When I was a child, my Mom taught me to write thank you notes when I received gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I haven’t written a thank you note in a long time! Ever since this whatever I’ve got going on in my head, writing with a pen and paper has become more difficult. I’m thankful I can still type and text!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

4 July 2023 Future

July 4, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, history, Home, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What are you most worried about for the future?

Happy Independence Day! I’m looking forward to seeing family today and getting a bike. My cousin had a friend give him a bike that could go to a disabled vet which so happened to be me! We are getting together at my Aunt and Uncles house this afternoon. I am not looking forward to the evening – lots of people fire off fireworks around here and it sounds like a war zone! Thankfully Link doesn’t seem to be bothered by them.

Todays prompt kind of makes me think of Jesus’s message about not worrying or having anxiety about tomorrow:

Matthew 6:34New International Version

³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I used to be a worrier and very anxious about things I had no control over. I still on occasion have anxiety. It does nothing for me! There are things to plan for and look forward to but all I really have control over is my today – the moment I am in. Who knows but God what is going to happen next! Something Kyle my ex used to say to me when I was worrying about something is “what are you going to do about it? If your not able to do anything quit worrying as it does no good.” He was usually right! I can remember one time our front yard was flooding and I was worrying and I had to focus on what I wanted to happen and not on the flooding. Everything was fine – we were watching Twilight Zone and the episode was about an Angel and that comforted me.

In times of crisis I have had to train my mind to focus on what I want to happen not what I don’t. What monster do you want to feed kind of thing. Prayer also helps with focusing on what I want to happen in my present and future. It takes a lot of practice for me not to be a worry wart!

I thought Link looked beautiful in the afternoon light

3 July 2023 Teacher

July 3, 2023July 3, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, history, Nature, photography, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What makes a teacher great?

Hello to you. How are you doing today? It’s already 81 degrees here today. I didn’t take my phone on the walk last night so no walk pictures. Everything is drying out or there are weeds. One of my neighbors yards is almost completely overrun with weeds. They are waist high! I don’t know if the city has a code enforcement to tell them to cut their yard.

Link is so good at posing for pictures. He is a teacher in my life – especially patience and unconditional love

Todays prompt reminds me of a special teacher I had when attending grade school. The teacher in grade school was Mrs. Maxwell. She encouraged me to write and even gave me a certificate saying I was the most likely to be an author some day. She genuinely cared about me on a personal level as well. She could see how difficult a classroom setting was for me and tried to help. I can remember one day she helped me work through a crisis. I thought my dog Pita had eaten a rabbits foot and was going to die. Mrs. Maxwell reassured me the whole day that Pita would be alright. Thankfully she was. I don’t remember finding the rabbits foot!

I don’t think teachers are compensated nearly enough for what they do for our children!

Teachers are not limited to human beings. All my animals I have shared my life with have taught me patience and non-verbal communication. My dogs and cats taught me about nonverbal communication and patience. I have learned things from insects and other non- humans. I’ll never forget what a couple different species of wasps taught me. One dragged the body of a spider in right in front of me. It was like it was saying “see what I can do?!” The spider was two to three sizes bigger than the wasp. Another discharged its stinger as I was looking at it – like someone putting down their weapon. Another got trapped in the house and I caught it and let it outside where its fellows were waiting like they knew what I would do! The other insect I learned from was flies. I put tuna on a plate and they would go to the tuna and I could get them outside. Most of the behavior that annoys about flies is stuff they do while freaking out at being where they don’t belong- they freak out just like we would if we were trapped somewhere we don’t belong. People forget that insects have been here longer than we have – not just stupid insects! I did a video about the flies once – if I could make peace with a fly why can’t we make peace with each other? I think our brains and thoughts make things so complicated. I haven’t been able to make peace with ants like when they invaded the house- just too many!

These days, as an adult, my teachers are all around me. Like I remember my Dad telling me once “ You are never out of school.” Its important to remain teachable and not get set in your ways. This is difficult for me as I don’t like change very much but nature continues to teach me that change is a part of life.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

2 July 2023 Surgery (ever had one)

July 2, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Have you ever had surgery? What for?

Hello to you. I’m just back from church and groceries. The message today came from Thessalonians in regards to the return of Christ. Pastor Daniel from the Nampa campus gave the message. It was good to see familiar faces and get caught up on things. Dear Penny lost her Dad recently and she shared her peace about that. The grocery trip was kind of disappointing. I wanted to get some Tillamook ice cream to take over to Ruth’s on the 4th but they didn’t have vanilla and the freezer was failing – a lot of the ice cream was melted. I picked up some Dreyers that wasn’t too melted! Hope it will be ok!

Todays prompt takes me back to the two surgeries I had to remove fibroid cysts. The first surgery removed a cyst the size of a 5 month embryo and second surgery, in August of 2005, when I had my hysterectomy to remove fibroid cysts and all my baby making parts. It was a life changing decision we made to have the hysterectomy. I remember just before being put under anesthesia for the second surgery the technician asking me if this is what I wanted to do. It rained that day as Kyle waited for me to get in and out of surgery. I remember it was hard to wake up from the anesthesia for both surgeries.

I never had children and having the 2nd surgery shut the door on that. It was for my best. From time to time I wonder what my life would have been if we had tried for a child either in my first or second marriage but it passes. Looking back at the wreckage of my being Bipolar, it really would have been rough trying to raise a healthy child. A large part of my dog Links early life was me in the hospital. It would have been worse if he had been a human child.

1 July 2023 Keeping Life Fresh

July 1, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s 89 degrees here as I write to you. I was going to sit outside and write but it’s too hot!

My thoughts today turn to thinking about keeping life fresh. Lately my life has been feeling like Ground Hog Day. Very little deviation from routine. Sometimes I will be ready to do my daily sit ups and wonder if I already did them! Inside of me I am wanting more but my body is resisting. What keeps happening is I get this fullness in my ears and I will feel anxious and hypersensitive to my body. The Mal de Barque stuff. My lower back has not been my friend either. I try to walk and I feel like a weeble wobble huffing and puffing almost the whole walk in pain. The only thing that seems to help the hypersensitivity is taking the olanzapine right now. I will be starting to do the taper off of it starting tomorrow. My doctor wants to taper me off of it because it’s notorious, along with the Depakote, for causing weight gain. We are going to try Abilify (aripiprazole) instead of Olanzapine – I hope it works as well for anxiety, weight gain and hypersensitivity.

I try to stay in the understanding that I am blessed to have the life I have even with it’s short comings! As I keep saying it’s not what I can’t do but what I can. Hopefully with the medicine change I will feel stronger and like I can do more to keep my life fresh.

I love seeing roses ready to bloom – especially the two tone ones

Psalm 147:3-5New International Version

³He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
⁴He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
⁵Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

30 June 2023 Brains Ok

June 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Friday again – this week went fast.

Yesterday I went with my cousin to an appointment with a neurologist. They didn’t find anything of concern – brains ok! Very short visit. Kind of felt like a waste of time but at least it was good news. The doctor was much more cheerful than the first time we met. Whatever is going on in my head and ears appears to be something non-detectable by standard tests. He said he thinks whatever is going on may be connected to the medication I’m on. I’ve been on Depakote before and didn’t have the side effects I’m experiencing. I think it’s Mal de barque and I’m just going to have to live with it.

What was good about going is I got some quality time with my cousin Laura – that wasn’t a waste of time! We had a nice lunch at Chik-Filet. During our visit she was trying to help me figure out things I can do to get me out of the house more or have something meaningful to do. Both her and my Aunt do that. This is helpful for me as sometimes it’s hard to get out of my own way. The limitations holding me back are mostly physical, not wanting to drive and especially not wanting to leave Link for long periods of time. She had a lot of ideas for me to think about! She encouraged me to think of things I can do not what I can’t. I am hoping with the medication change I will be starting that I won’t be tired so much and will have more stamina – hopefully will lose some weight!

These cheerful painted rocks were out front of the hospital

Psalm 30:2New International Version

²Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.

29 June 2023 Different Walk

June 29, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? Yesterday I took a different walk in the evening and was rewarded with new flowers to see!

Isaiah 41:10 ~ Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.