7 May 2023 Heart

May 7, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from church – wasn’t sure if I was going but I did go. There are so many nice people that go and as I get regular with my attendance, the more people I get to know. The next event the ladies are having is a Ladies Tea on the 20th. My Aunt and I are planning on attending.

Todays message was more about the life of Abraham. The part we went over was when Abraham’s wife didn’t want to wait any longer for the God promised baby and she suggested Abraham conceive with Hagar the slave. The message about that was when we push our will instead of waiting can cause heart ache. The other message, and this has come up before, is how our hearts can’t be trusted. I wanted to put up my hand and disagree! One of my favorite sayings is from a 1920’s movie called Metropolis “the mediator between the head and hands must be the heart.” That silent movie was about how ruthless a business person can be without using their heart. As a woman and an empath I use my heart a lot! Sadly that’s probably why I have so many labels and mental health issues.! So much inner conflict between my brain and my heart.

I understand the intent of the message is to encourage us to get closer to God and not lean completely on our understanding but as I’m experiencing lately – God has been really quiet and without using my heart, I wouldn’t keep going to church and try to find a way to serve God and the community.

The world can be a heartless place – all you have to do is look at a news feed or talk to someone. It’s hard to find and achieve balance between using my heart and leaning on God. How can you love others as you should love God and yourself without using and trusting your heart?!

There is so much conflict for me with how we are taught to operate in this world. On the one hand we are taught to turn inward and find God and wisdom. There is emphasis on prayer and meditation which comes from within and then flows out. On the other hand we are taught that our inner selves are unreliable and inherently bad . We are taught to look outside ourselves for guidance and wisdom. This was what I learned in AA and all the church’s I’ve been to. I was taught I’m not trustworthy on my own. How can be turning inward to where the Holy Spirit is supposed to be bad? Where does the Holy Spirit within us reside? Where does our souls energy reside?

I am still learning and have to trust God will show me his truth.

I guess I don’t like to hear that on my own I’m not a good person. I have spent a lot of my life in therapy to deal with low self esteem issues! That’s probably not what is intentioned in todays message but that’s what I heard and keep hearing. That’s the tough job of a Pastor I guess – sometimes to tell us not what we want to hear but need to hear? Pastor Jason said it was a hard sermon for him to write and I can see why!

One of my drawings – this was during one of my more creative phases

Acts 2 : 2-4

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

2 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. ²Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. ³They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. ⁴All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[a] as the Spirit enabled them.

6 May 2023 Walking

May 6, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you this day- it’s Saturday here. I’m here with Link. We got out for a walk together. I cherish these moments as he is getting older and just doesn’t always feel up to walking. I’m only 55 and feel that way! Walking is something so many of us take for granted until we are unable to for whatever reason. I have family that have had knee and hip surgeries because those parts of their bodies have just worn out. Even after the surgeries there is still pain. The longer we live, the longer our bodies have to be able to carry us. Stuff like joints just wear out! Our bodies are like cars – depreciate in condition the moment we leave the show room floor!

Mark 6:49-50 NIV

But when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

5 May 2023 Direction

May 5, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What gives you direction in life?

Hello to you. Hard to believe it’s Friday again. Today is the celebration of Cinco Demayo and my exe in-laws 44th wedding anniversary. It’s so rare that people stay together that long. Even though I’m no longer married to their son I still consider them to be family. Once I love you it takes a lot for me to stop loving you. They are good people!

Todays prompt makes me think. I have never really had a direction in my life other than wanting to be a good person but it’s not been easy. Wanting to please God has flitted through my life, not to displease my family and friends has also been a reason for a direction. As I’ve mentioned before, as a young child and teenager I wanted to be famous but let go of that when I saw what fame does to peoples lives. Another primary direction has been not wanting to be forgotten. Since I never had children I have no one to pass my legacy on to.

A primary director, the Holy Spirit, seems quiet if not silent in my life. For so many years I felt I had a close connection. I could write, sing, draw, paint and make jewelry and other things. It’s probably just my being in an in between place right now. I think it’s also the medication I’m on that prevents mania from happening. Taking Lithium is different than taking Depakote and Zyprexa. I kind of miss the creativity and spirituality that comes with being manic. I think another reason for the lack of direction is the fact I’m still healing from my wounds these past couple of years. I am trying to stay open to God – to the Holy Spirit. I don’t think God is done with me yet!

A drawing I did back in 2015. I named it 7712 but I remember thinking of the title “Waiting” for it. I miss drawing like this – it’s like my creativity spigot is completely closed.

Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version

⁵Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

4 May 2023 Quote

May 4, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

Hello to you. Just back from a short walk with Link. Today began with a nice prayer meeting at Grace House. It was three of us and very productive. A focus was given to the recent deaths associated with Middleton to include two suicides and we also focused on a future home for our church. Lois had a good idea about rather than building new churches that like Christian churches share facilities. Pastor Jason’s idea was like have Church Middleton with different campuses. So much money gets used up for buildings and then there is less left over for ministries to help people. Another point of emphasis was more volunteers to help with different parts of the church. It’s usually the same people who do most of the heavy lifting! I wish I could do more but I just can’t – physically mostly. I get so tired. I walked over there and back and felt so sore. My back hasn’t been right since the fall this winter.

Todays prompt is about a quote I think of and live by often. I have several. One is lead by example and another is where you go there you are. I feel it’s important to be a positive example in the world – action speaks louder than words. These past couple of years have been hard for me because I don’t feel like I have done enough. I haven’t been a very good example. The family and friends that surround me are great at leading by example. I just haven’t had the energy to be the leader I used to be. So I am doing what I can. Being a part of the prayer team is a little something I am able to do.

The other quote or saying kind of ties with the first. You can’t escape yourself – where you go there you are. Just because you move to a new location doesn’t mean your not the same you in the new location. You bring you along to the new place. Since moving here from Texas I did that. There have been some changes but those changes have been to my health. This Mal debarque Syndrome makes me so tired. I didn’t have the swaying motion in my head when I walked in Texas.

Matthew 18:20New International Version

²⁰For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Some sights on my walk yesterday and back from the prayer meeting this morning

29 April 2023 Discussion

April 29, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What topics do you like to discuss?

Hello to you. How are you today. I woke up earlier than normal which was a good thing. My kitchen sink area was full of ants again. I am having natural pest control people come out Monday to give me an estimate. I could just go buy some product from the store but want an expert to do it. This way the problem won’t reoccur. I don’t like poison! I’m glad they have developed natural solutions!

Todays prompt is a good one. As you know from my blog here I like to discuss a wide range of topics but have my favorites. I enjoy discussing spirituality, mental health, animals and just nature in general. All these topics are connected for me.

John 13:34New International Version

³⁴“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Whenever I have had discussions with women who believe in God and go to church they have told me it’s about having a relationship with God not religion. That’s how it is for me. God is in everything. It’s really kind of amazing to look at the world with God inspired eyes – so many miracles. Like this spring watching so many flowers and trees springing forth with life. Babies from two legged and four being born. There is hope in these things – topics.

A drawing I did when I lived in Alvarado TX. I used to go to a pond there and pray. I haven’t been drawing like this in a long time. The inspiration and creativity gets kind of stifled when I’m medicated.

One of my favorite drawings I did I called Seeing the Beginning

A very spiritual drawing from back in 2012

I did this drawing and later there was a picture that came out of what Jesus may have looked like that looked just like this drawing.

26 April 2023 Yellow and Purple

April 26, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing? I’m feeling a bit frustrated with myself. The reason is I’ve noticed I huff and puff on walks. Link is a dawlder and makes frequent stops so I shouldn’t be out of breath. I’m just really out of shape I guess! Last night I tried to dance and barely made it through one song. I have struggled with my weight much of my life.

Something nice about having s dog that likes to take his time is there is time for pictures. The sun is so bright that the pictures I took are a bit overexposed but give you an idea of how beautiful my neighborhood is:

My neighbors yard is so beautiful. She works so hard to keep it nice.

I was looking for a Bible verse about spring and this one came up. I like it!

Isaiah 44:1-4

3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. 4 They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.

25 April 2023 Nervous

April 25, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What makes you nervous?

Hello to you. How are you? I hope if you are struggling that you have the support system you need. We are living in weird times! I think our country is due for some positive change.

Todays prompt is what makes you nervous. I would have to say driving here in Idaho makes me the most nervous. There are so many people on the road! All these people that have moved here, to include myself, have contributed to the increase in traffic. Where you go – there you are. You can’t escape yourself! If you lived with a lot of traffic where you used to live, chances are where you move to will eventually be the same.

The other thing I get nervous about is changes to my routine – getting pushed outside my comfort zone.

This Bible verse is a popular one when facing nerves or anxiety:

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And this one:

Psalm 139:23-24New International Version

²³Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

One of my many sun and cloud pictures from last year – this was taken at Grace House I think

24 April 2023 Unwinding

April 24, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How do you unwind after a demanding day?

Hello to you. How is your day going? I just got the dress I ordered in the mail. It’s a little big but looks nice. I ordered it from one of my favorite online stores Pyramid. Now I need to figure out shoes. I have some that will match but my Aunt thinks I need sandals. It will all come together.

Todays prompt is kind of a tough one as I have been medically retired for several years and don’t really have stressful days like I used to have when I was on active duty. When I was working full time I didn’t have much time to unwind. I would come home from work and I would do all the stuff that needed to be done that I couldn’t do while working – my second job! Chores like cleaning, taking care of my cats, cooking and laundry. My second job was being a wife. There just wasn’t a lot of time to unwind.

The unwinding happened mostly when I would take leave from work and we traveled. I used to really enjoy traveling. When I was stationed in Germany, my first husband and I traveled almost every weekend. When we were stationed in Colorado and Florida we went fishing a lot. It was relaxing to be out near the water and in nature.

A verse about rest:

Matthew 11:28-30New International Version

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The dress I got in the mail today from Pyramid

23 April 2023 Social Media

April 23, 2023April 23, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How do you use social media?

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m doing ok – just back from church, eating part of my traditional Subway sandwich and walk with Link. It was starting to sprinkle while we were out.

Todays prompt is a good one. I use a lot of social media platforms to connect with the world. Some of the ones I use are WordPress, Facebook, Twitch, Tik Tok, Discord, Messenger and Clapper for examples. Using these helps me not feel so lonely but they can’t take the place of real life connections with people. That’s why going for walks and seeing some of my neighbors and going to church are so important. Today I got to hug one of my friends I made through church and see her beautiful baby girl!

I am grateful to have family living nearby and I cherish the time we get to spend together. All of those real life moments are so important. I love it when my Aunt and or Uncle or cousins will ask if I want to get out of the house and they come over and we go for coffee, breakfast, lunch or ice cream. Sometimes my Aunt invites me over for a meal and we watch a show together. All the social media I mentioned and those I didn’t can’t take the place of making memories with loved ones. Fellowship with those we care about and love is powerful:

Acts 2:42-47New International Version

The Fellowship of the Believers

⁴²They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴All the believers were together and had everything in common.⁴⁵They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,⁴⁷praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their numbers daily those who were being saved.

Picture I took when my Aunt and Uncle came and got me out of Orofino, the hospital, last November. My Aunt and Uncle are more than just family – they are earth angels – they are dear friends that don’t hesitate to help me when I ask (and when I don’t.) They passed this on to my cousins who are much the same. I’m so grateful.

21 April 2023 Random Encounter

April 21, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.

Hello to you. How are you? I’m feeling a bit strange – tired. I woke up a couple times in the night – not a restful sleep. Then I got a text at like 4:30 in the morning from a person I reconnected with lol. So I’m writing from bed. Link has his annual exam at the vet today so I have to get up and at em eventually!

Todays prompt brought to mind a great part of my journey. I was having troubles while being on active duty in Florida. For some reason I was at the finance office on base and ran into a man, I can’t remember his name, but he was really beautiful. He was a black man with crystal blue eyes. I think I have mentioned before I have a thing with blue eyes. Anyways we started talking. He was a broker I think, He asked me if I had a church home and I said no, He invited me to the mega church he was attending in addition to a lunch his company was having for clients.

What’s funny about meeting this man is back when I was in Colorado I had gone to Manitou Springs a few years before being stationed in Florida, I had a rune reading done that prophesied I would meet a man that would change my entire life. Meeting this man felt like s fulfillment of that prophesy.

I went to the mega church with this man and his family and the message was about how the Holy Spirit is an actual person you can have a relationship with. Not just a ghost or something like that. Well this all happened when I was struggling with my mental and physical health. Especially having problems with abusing alcohol and I was taking mental health meds – not a good combination.

It was a Sunday after the message about the Holy Spirit that I was sitting in my sun porch in the base housing we lived in and I was in my swimming suite and drunk. I remembered the message from the church service and just said “I surrender.” The very next day the Holy Spirit started moving me along. The following Monday I was getting my bike out to ride to work and the chain just fell off! I had to put it back on – hands a mess of oil. I was running late then. Then, on the way, I was nearly hit by a turning car had I been a few seconds earlier. I got to work and found out I had an annual physical appointment so I had to leave again. At the appointment there was questions pertaining to alcohol use and I was moved by the Spirit to answer honestly. From there began being sent to treatment in Maryland, introduction to AA (Alcoholics anonymous) and ultimately my being medically retired, divorced and falling in love.

All this after a chance meeting with a perfect stranger! I feel bad I can’t remember his name – meeting him was definitely divine timing.