16 July 2025 The Now

My puppy faced boy Link

Hello to you. It’s another sunny and hot day here as I write to you. I hope this finds you well. If not I hope somehow God will show you how loved you are.

My thoughts this afternoon are about keeping my thoughts in the now. What sparked this was thinking about Link getting older. He’s showing signs of his age already- he will be 11 this December 9th. I can remember all too well how many pieces my heart was shattered at losing 4 pets in close succession when I lived in Texas. Two dogs and two cats – my fur babies Sam, Blondie, Amber and May. I think it was losing them that contributed to my many manic episodes that lead to my frequent hospitalizations. I never had children so they filled that maternal void in me. Losing them was so painful I could barely stand it!

Link is my second son and I try to avoid thinking of how losing him will break my heart again! I am trying to keep my thoughts in the now about him. Cherish each day the good Lord gives us together. I have said I don’t know if I will have another dog or cat after Link. As I stand here now, I don’t know if my heart will be able to take it! I say this now but who knows what God will have for me. Taking in Link helped heal my broken heart!

Dear Jesus I come before you to pray for this world and all its inhabitants. I pray for all the animals and those who are pet owners who may be on the verge of having to say that most painful of goodbyes. I pray for the flood victims and their families in Texas. I pray for the children of war torn regions of this world. I pray for the families struggling to make ends meet in this American economy. I pray for the world’s sick, poor and hungry. We need you now more than ever. I pray all this in your precious name. Amen.

15 July 2025 Feeling Better

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. It’s another hot day here in Idaho as I write to you – 91 degrees! I walked about a mile this morning after I got up. I’m trying to walk every day and offset the side effects of the medication I’m taking. Both the Depakote and Olanzapine are known to contribute to weight gain. I need to lose about 100 lbs! I’m tired of carrying all this extra weight.

I wanted to share a praise about how I felt yesterday. I haven’t felt that good in over a month! I finally got relief from anxiety! The Olanzapine (generic Zyprexa) has been making all the difference. The side effect of drowsiness has lead me to restful naps and sleep at night. I hope this lasts!

Oh! I had a very vivid short dream about mosquitos last night. I dreamt some really big ones landed on me and my trying to stop one that had a body that was like a syringe from some man’s neck. When I went to flick it away, some of the fluid in its body got in my mouth – that woke me up! It was like a genetically modified insect. Weird dream! I wonder where that came from?!! I think it’s from hearing about huge mosquitos at the detention center in Florida.

A prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus I pray for this world and all of the life within it. I pray for all the sick, the hungry, the poor and those who are lost in this world because they don’t know you or refuse to surrender to your loving care. I pray for all the lives human beings share this world with and that there can be an end to cruelty and neglect of our fellow animal brothers and sisters. I ask all this in your precious name Jesus. Amen.

11 July 2025 Answered Prayers

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I just wanted to give out a praise for answered prayers and God showing me his love through my family the past couple of days. As I mentioned in my previous blog I ran out of Olanzapine and it had been a couple of weeks. I was starting to have a real hard time using Benadryl to get me through. Well after some phone calls today my beautiful friend (my cousins wife) Tawna offered to drive me to the Boise VA to get lab work and pick up refills. Wow! That meant everything! Tawna is another person in my life that God works through and has for quite some time. We enjoyed having time to visit as with her busy life we don’t get to see eachother as much as we would like. The visit to the VA in Boise went really smoothly and took no time at all. Very friendly people there! We got a dose in me and went to our new Dairy Queen for lunch which was really nice and took a little walk. She visited with Link and I for a bit on my porch before she left. I love being with her!

I found out the reason my Dr. has been reluctant to up the dose of Olanzapine is because there are a lot of negative side effects the higher the dosage like weight gain and blood sugar for example. He upped my daily dose by taking it two times a day instead of just once which isn’t too much. I noticed today that it relaxed me quite a bit. With being Bipolar there is a fine line between being high and being low. Without the Olanzapine I was running fast and it’s very uncomfortable!

Bottom line today – God hears our prayers and uses us to help eachother! So blessed!

From my Aunt Ruth today:

“He remembered us in our weakness. His faithful love endures forever.”

Psalm 136:23 (NLT)

Lord, I am so grateful that nothing is impossible for You. Even when I feel overwhelmed by events going on around me. When I feel weak, defeated, helpless, or hurting I am not alone. You already knew I would be here and You continue to show me that You can handle anything. Nothing is a surprise to You! Today, please forgive me for the time that I have not trusted in You. Give me the courage to do Your will and show me how I can glorify Your Name. Thank You for always being there especially when I need You most! Jesus’ Name, my Lord, my God, Amen.

12 June 2025 Laying Our Troubles At The Cross

Tiger Lillies in bloom at Grace House

Good morning to you. I hope this finds you well. Today’s prayer meeting was just Jeannie and I. The rest of the regulars had stuff going on so we made the best of it. Jeannie had a lot of prayer petitions to lay at the cross for her family especially Roy who fell and cracked his head open recently. He is elderly and lives alone and relies on Jeannie a lot. He needs more than she can give so we are praying his doctor recommends rehab for him. We prayed for our church and the world. What we also prayed for is what’s going on in my head with the pressure and balance in my ears. Everyone has been praying for me about this.

One of my favorite church songs:

God of Wonders

Song by Third Day ‧ 2003

When we finished we agreed that it felt good to lay all our troubles down at the feet of Jesus. Now the challenge is to not pick those things back up and let Jesus do his thing. That’s something my Aunt and Niki talked about yesterday too! I wonder is it a woman thing to want to try and do it ourselves?! Now is the time for faith – believing in the unseen which can be quite a challenge sometimes.

Overview

Lyrics

Other recordings

Lord of all creation
Lord of water, earth and sky
The heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high

And God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

So early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
As I stumble in the darkness
I will call your name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth

The God of wonders beyond our galaxy (You)
You are holy, holy
Precious Lord, reveal Your heart to me
Father, holy, holy (Lord God Almighty)

The universe declares Your majesty (You are holy)
You are holy (yes you are), holy (holy You are)
Holy (Jesus saves), holy

Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Steve J. Hindalong / Marc Byrd

God of Wonders lyrics © New Spring Publishing Inc., Never Say Never Songs, Meaux Mercy Publishing, Storm Boy Music, Meaux Mercy, New Spring Publishing Inc.

1 May 2025 Praying Together

Hello to you! Can you believe it’s May already?!!

I just got off the phone with my friend Jeannie. Normally we would be together today but it didn’t work out. So we decided to pray from home and she asked if we could pray via a telephone call. I’m so happy we did! She has such a talent for prayer. The words seem to come to her so easily! We prayed for the people who normally join our little group, our family members, the town and schools of Middleton and this country and world. I felt it was important to share this today. Anyone reading this who feels alone – doesn’t have a support system like a church – a dear friend – know that there are people like Jeannie and I praying for you. You matter! There is so much power in prayer and it doesn’t matter how it occurs be it in person or on the phone. God hears our petitions!

James 5:16New International Version

16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

20 April 2025 He is Risen

We had a full house today at Middleton High School – He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

It’s a beautiful Easter Sunday. Today’s message was out of John 11 again. Do you believe? Do you believe that Jesus is the son of God? Like Pastor Jayson said there are so many things each day we believe are going to happen from the alarm clock going off to coffee brewing – the car starting when we turn the key. Our belief as Christians each day should be that Jesus is our salvation and unlike so many things we should never take that for granted!

John 11:25-26New International Version

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

After church Link and I went over to my Aunt and Uncles house for a feast with family and friends. Uncle John made his special ham. Everything was so good! I didn’t stay long as I was feeling very tired. Link has been waking me up in the wee hours the past few nights. We have his annual exam tomorrow so I’ll mention that. My back has been hurting again – thank goodness for Biofreeze! It was good to see everyone on such a lovely spring day. So many of the trees are blooming and smell so nice!

My Aunt Ruth is having a medical procedure in a couple days – please keep her in your prayers.

17 April 2025 Two or Three

Matthew 18:20New International Version

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

This passage is one of my favorites and it has applied to our little Thursday prayer group. Today there were three of us. Today marked the seventh year anniversary of one of our groups daughters suicide. She is still grieving the loss as if it were only yesterday. She showed us video she took of a sapling in bloom that had been planted in the place of the shed her daughter died in. So beautiful! I am so glad we could be together to lend support. My prayer request was for my Auntie. She’s been worrying about medical things coming up. I am still praying for a miracle for her!

We keep praying our little group will grow but so far it just hasn’t. May be God has another plan? May be small is best right now? The population of our church consists of mostly younger working couples with children. I am thinking that’s why we haven’t had new people join our group. I will continue to show up!

A bouquet at my Aunt Ruth’s – I liked how it looked in the sunlight

3 Dec 2024 Change

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today has been uneventful. I am feeling a little better after catching another cold. There was talk about something happening today with regard to space people but of course nothing happened! I am thinking something is brewing with the increase in sightings. I am thinking it has to do with the increasing unrest going on in the world – Sabre rattling about using nukes. If I was a space person watching all of what’s going on I think I would want to intervene too!

My answer to today’s prompt is if I could change one thing about myself I would not be Bipolar. Having this diagnosis has really limited me in so many ways. I have lost two marriages and many friendships and relationships with family. I lost a career because of this condition. The only good thing to ever come of being Bipolar was the wellspring of energy and creativity during the times I was manic. I would hardly sleep and my creative abilities seemed endless. I could draw, paint, sing, write, take awesome photos, dance, tap into the spiritual realms – all of this with little to no effort. Having the mania under control with the medication I’m on – Depakote- I can’t do much of anything anymore. This blog is my only outlet! In addition to Bipolar I have the Mal de barque syndrome where I have trouble with balance. I’m convinced it was triggered by my being tased by police when I was having a manic episode two years ago. It just won’t go away! So I guess there are actually two things I wish I could change!

Since I cannot change what I am, I have to push through with it all. I have to force myself to move forward even if I don’t want to. I pray a lot and ask for healing. I am trying to say yes more often when I would usually say no. One of the side affects of Depakote is weight gain and not feeling full after eating. With the balance challenges it’s hard to exercise to get rid of calories but I force myself to get a walk in with Link each day. I’m trying to lower my calorie count too. I am trying to say no more often to eating sweets which is my favorite type of food! Not all of what I am can be blamed on being Bipolar! I wish I could get back to size 16 jeans again. Obesity runs in my Dads side of the family so my genetics are kind of stacked against me along with my diagnosis.

Some scripture about change:

  • Ecclesiastes 3:1-2“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot”. 
  • Isaiah 43:18-19“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”. 
  • Psalm 30:5“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”. 
  • Romans 8:28“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. 
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”. 
  • Hebrews 13:8“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”. 
  • Malachi 3:6“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed”. 
  • James 1:17“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”. 
  • Ephesians 4:22-24“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”. 

20 October 2023 Lazy Days

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. God has been at the wheel of the stuff I’ve been going through lately – extremely grateful for the prayers of family, friends and even strangers! My Aunt met a elderly veteran who gave her this cross for me and said he would pray for me. The wagons of Gods people have been rallied! I’m so, so grateful!

I don’t usually wear crosses because of what they represent – the murder of an innocent man but understand what it means in Christianity.

When I think of todays prompt I think of my life right now gradually getting in place. It’s taken me three years to get where I’m at. Many of the days leading up to this one were littered with fear, sadness and grief – lack of faith! A lot of my days have not very productive and could be perceived as lazy days. I was in such a state of shock leaving Texas. I have been retired from active duty longer than I was in (21 years). When I was active duty I burned the candle at both ends. I was usually the one leadership turned to when a program was a mess. I worked a lot of long days cleaning up messes. Lazy days meant more to me then they do now. I don’t have a specific purpose when I wake up each day! When I was active duty I was up at 4:30 am and worked til after 5.

I haven’t completely found a fit for me here yet in being useful again. A lot of what holds me back is driving. I hate driving! When I was married, Kyle used to always drive and I got used to that after 12 years! I was spoiled! I keep my eyes open for things I can do – little things. When my back is not hurting I would like to help set up at the church again. I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting the gift of my life. A lot of people I’ve known haven’t even lived as long as I have.

One of my favorite passages from the Bible – makes me think of a Palladian (class I played in FFXI video game). In these trying times we must put on our armor!

Ephesians 6:10-13New International Version

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

17 October 2023 First Time

What could you try for the first time?

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well in spite of all the stuff going on in this world. I am trying to remain calm and relaxed. I know the more anxious I feel the more I need to pray and lean into my faith. Its just hard to do sometimes. The natural inclination when going through rough times is to be anxious and worry. That, unfortunately, shows a lack of faith. I have to trust Jesus has the wheel of what I’m facing. I am grateful for all my family and friends that are praying for me right now.

The first thing that came to mind when I saw todays prompt was snorkeling or scuba diving. I’ve never done either of these things. There is so much to discover in the underwater realms. I have only ever been a land dweller! I lived in Florida for a couple of years but never did anything but swim in the ocean and do some fishing. I got to see dolphins off in the distance from where I was swimming. I can remember fishing at the shore and a dolphin coming right next to me! I love dolphins! They are such miracles!

Isaiah 43:19New International Version

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.