Middleton ID – Page 85

3 October 2021 Sunday

October 3, 2021 by saymber, posted in dreams, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? As I write the sun is creeping across the front porch and it’s really quiet. No loud noises, no dogs or anything – truly a day of rest, it must be Sunday ! I hope this finds you well.

This morning I had a pleasant dream about Benedict Cumberbatch it’s been a long time . His dream self now knows that my ex is his 9th cousin and that I’m divorced. There was something about him having painful ingrown fingernails. I woke up feeling comforted like I’d had a visit with a friend. Doesn’t surprise me that the man would be in my dreams he seems to be everywhere these days !

So I have had something on my mind this morning, I almost drew a picture. It’s a passage from the Bible: John 14 2-12

“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

This is one of my favorite passages. When I read it I always find myself thinking of the earth and all the life forms on it. I think of God being able to experience life through each and every life form. Some of the lives long and some extremely brief. Each life a room in the very large house that is this earth.

I’ve been told that that’s not what Jesus was talking about but I disagree. If God is God and he created everything then each and every life on this planet is a room in which he dwells. Every second a new “room” is added! Each newborn be it a human child to a baby in the wilds! Each life has a value and purpose!

2 October 2021 Hold on Loosely

October 2, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Writing and blogging

I think it was from an AA reading or something that I remember getting the idea to wear the world like a loose cloak.

It’s late Saturday afternoon. The weather is nice. I went over to my Aunt and Uncles and had a nice lunch. We visited and played a round of a game like Yahtzee called Farkle. Being with them helped me so much! I get stuck sometimes and they know how to get me out! This morning the gears in my brain got stuck!

2 October 2021 Dream

October 2, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.

I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .

I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?

As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !

So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !

All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.

Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !

I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!

1 October 2021 Darkness

October 2, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Home, Nature

Hello again it’s me. How are you doing ? It’s about 8:25 pm here as I write to you. It’s really dark as the sun has set. I am sitting here alone with Link trying to figure out what to do with myself. It’s too early for bed. I could read, I could watch tv, I could listen to music but none of that appeals to me! I was wishing I had someone to talk to so I figured I’d write a little! I hope you don’t mind!

When the seasons change and we lose the light earlier and the sun rises later it really messes with me. My body will wake up and it’s still dark and I will be like “what the fuck do I do now?” I suppose I could be like normal human beings and just get my ass out of bed and do something! No I just lay there and ruminate about random shit until I can’t stand it anymore !

“Darkness the blanket over the season, slips me into the balm of reason. Alas it is brief and only the sun can bring relief. The shadows grow long too soon, the only light is the pale waxing moon. Where is my reason for existence in these everlasting nights, idle hands under phosphorescent lights. A land of creeping shadow hours, illuminated by artificial powers.”

Before electricity we were ruled by nature and her ways. We rose with the sun and went to bed with the moon. With modern advancements like the phone I’m using right now to write this, we are out of sync. We can stay up late when our ancestors were burning candles!

Ah well this is our modern world . The power grid never idles! Thank you for keeping me company awhile. Another long day drifts into shadows .

1 October 2021 Hugs & Blogging

October 1, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you doing today ? It’s the beginning of the month already! This year has gone by so fast hasn’t it? My knees allowed me to get a couple laps in. They have been aching. Just found out there are almost 2,000 more cases of Covid here in Idaho ! I’m surprised they aren’t mandating masks again . I have family that was vaccinated and still got sick!

This morning my mind turns to hugs! I love to give and receive them. I don’t know if there is any documented evidence, but I think there must be health benefits! When I think of the mechanics of a hug it’s like putting two powerful batteries together for a few moments. It feels good. It’s like sunshine on the heart !

“Embrace me let your light shine on my heart, may the warmth last long after we are apart.”

Writing this blog has become an everyday thing I do. It helps me connect with people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet. It makes me feel useful. It helps me feel less lonely….like I have someone to talk to. Oftentimes I don’t want to finish a blog because then there will be silence! For some reason when I blog I connect with my internal “voice.”

Writing this blog gives me purpose. It’s always my hope that someone will read it and something will resonate. I think it’s a way to connect with the God of my understanding. This blog and the drawings I do each day are the highlight of my day.

“Welcome to a corner of my mind, a place to relax for a moment and unwind. A message may be just for you, a message just for me by the time the day is through. They call this exchange we are having a blog, for me it is a daily log. A daily accounting of my life, joys, tribulations and may be some strife . Thank you dear reader for stopping by, I hope you find something here for you and you’ll say hi “

30 September 2021 Warm and Cold

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Nature, Writing and blogging

Hello and good day to you ! How are you ? I’m chilly and sore the day after getting the Moderna shot. I can’t seem to get warm!

I’ve been under the covers most of the morning . My house can’t decide if it’s going to be warm or cold! At night the temperatures are starting to get into the mid 30’s. It’s almost time to turn on the heat !

Are you ready for the change of seasons?

Not much to write about today! My brain is kind of gooey !! I just wanted to say hello .

29 September 2021 Home

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello again. I’m back . One of the things that has always helped me is writing. I always remember Kyle telling me to write for myself even if no one reads it! This blog is a very therapeutic tool for me. If you have stopped by and decide to stay and read, I hope there is something here for you too .

So I have a 734 sq ft home that I share with my dog Link . It’s enough living space for us but it’s not enough of a creating space. All it takes is a couple of things and you have clutter. I had some professional organizers come in and ever since I have not wanted to touch anything! My second room is basically storage. I exist in my house but I don’t flourish in it. I downsized before I was ready and with the housing market being what it is – I’m stuck! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a home I just feel lost In it right now.

“A tiny home to put her shoeboxes in, a place blessed by God to start her life over again. “

I think I just figured out why I have been having so much trouble with feeling at home for so long. After my cats Amber and May died part of me went with them. They were my heart and home . They were always there and then they weren’t . They always used to inspect the things I made and sang me to sleep with their purr. I feel disorientated even writing about this! I miss my little daughters . We lost 4 animals in a short period of time and it wrecked me. Death is my nemesis.

I know God has a plan for me I’m just not sure what it is . So many people figure out what to do with their lives. Why does it have to be so hard for me to figure it out ? I’m 53 dammit!! I don’t get much more time! Why am I still here ?! When will I be home ?

29 September 2021 Strange World

September 29, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Food, Writing and blogging

Hello to you as you visit me here today . How are you ? I went and got my second Moderna shot this morning and got groceries. So far so good with how I’m feeling!

Something I was noticing today as I shopped is it feels like our local store is having trouble keeping things in stock . I’m never sure if there will be enough bottled drinking water. With more people living here and the tap water not tasting very good I guess that makes sense.

It feels like we are living in a strange world. As a kid I used to drink water from the tap and from the garden hose on a hot day. Now it has to be filtered a bunch of times to be suitable to drink . Did you ever think we would come to this ?!!

28 September 2021 Wet and Gray Morning

September 28, 2021September 28, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you this morning ? It’s wet and gray. I tried to go for a walk and it started pouring! Now I have the chills and just want to cuddle with Link! I am grateful for the rain though. We don’t get much rain here!

I had some ideas of pictures to draw today but it’s just not the same drawing without some sunshine! May be later! Today feels like a day to rest .

“Pitter patter a wet drumbeat on my eaves, out in the yard the breeze plays with the fallen leaves. A day of rest a blanket pulled to the chin , closing of eyes going back to sleep again . “

A happy birthday wish to my cousin Heidi today!

27 September 2021 Early Riser

September 27, 2021September 27, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you? I’m sitting out in the morning sun and it feels good. This morning has been a bit of mental gymnastics.

I am having trouble writing today. Thankfully there is the morning sun and it feels good against my skin. Some days I feel so out of sorts ! It seems to come out of nowhere and all I can do is ride through it . Is it this?! Is it that?! Walk around the block a couple of times. Eat an extra meal ! I’ll figure it out !!