Bipolar life – Page 49

17 September 2021 Decisions

September 17, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you today as you visit me here? It got down into the 30’s this morning! I’m so not ready for cold!!

My drawing for today and thoughts turn to making decisions. For every decision needing to be made there are three answers that can be given yes, no and may be. You would say may be isn’t a decision and you would be right! It’s a mental pause, making a space for a definitive answer. So many things in life are vague!

It’s not often that I can give a yes or no answer right away. I see so many sides to an equation! This is especially the case when other people are involved . I will think whether or not my decision will hurt the other person- there is a cascade effect . Feelings will often complicate things! Sometimes it would be nice to be a Vulcan from Star Trek and just use logic to make decisions. If that were the case there would be no may be’s!! It would be here are the facts, make a decision.

Sometimes it’s hard to make a clear cut decision

Some of the quandary comes from my spirituality . How many times to decide to forgive or are we always supposed to forgive? When do you stop forgiving someone ? I don’t think God wants me to be a doormat ! I have been spending a lot of time in may be on forgiveness.

16 September 2021 Help

September 16, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today ? I am doing ok.

This morning I did something that I haven’t done in a long time, I called for help . I didn’t call on just anyone but I called on Jesus. I focused my whole entire being on this call and I felt the response in my heart ! It was like a wound closed inside of me.

I have been reluctant about Jesus for a long time but apparently he’s not been reluctant about me ! May be my concept of God has been too big . For the past several years my concept of God has been that God is energy , that God is “all.”

The problem I’ve had with Jesus is no one has physically risen from the dead again like he and Lazarus did . He promised he would come back but what is time to a God! He didn’t say how he would return what if he already has many times but been denied as a lunatic? What if he returned as a she?!!

I guess all I can do right now is be thankful for the relief of my internal suffering. If I had called out to any other deity would I have felt the same?! May be God was expecting my call and was waiting to see if I would call Jesus ?!!

15 September 2021 Driving

September 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, trust, Writing and blogging

Hello ! How are you today? I am sitting outside on my porch enjoying some sun . It was in the 40’s this morning!

This mornings topic is driving. Ever since my ex husband moved out last January and my car accident on Christmas Day I have lost my confidence in driving. The mere thought of having to drive someplace new nearly puts me in a panic attack . I can’t even completely explain why!

May be in writing this blog I can help myself get to the core of why ? One of the excuses I often used and in some ways it’s legitimate is I don’t want to leave Link alone . When I lived in Texas and with my ex we had two dogs. So even if we were going to be gone, the dogs weren’t completely alone .

The other excuse I use is of course getting into the accident . I had never been in an accident before . It really shook my confidence! I have found myself not wanting to drive here !

The last excuse is gas is frickin expensive ! Over $4 a gallon! I have to have a really good excuse to want to go someplace .

Anyhew! Writing about this has helped me see that I have a lot of excuses that have kind of worn out their welcome! I’m feeling like I’m getting closer to change !

14 September 2021 Divine Plans

September 14, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you ? I hope this finds you well. It’s continuing to feel like fall here. I’m not sure I’m ready for summer to be over!

So my thoughts turn to divine plans. With the season turning to fall I was thinking of of the tree in particular . They are the earths lungs, water filters, home for thousands of species and basically are eco systems unto themselves . Talk about a divine plan!!

There is the other sort of divine plan when everything will come together at just the right time and make something happen . I had that occur when I was preparing to buy my house. The house was on the market at just the right time and at just the right price. It was an answer to our prayers .

There are times though that it seems like there isn’t a plan. It seems like there is just nothing! Those can be trying times . I like there to be order in the seeming chaos! These are the times that test ones faith.

13 September 2021 Courage

September 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I am doing ok.

I just had a talk with my therapist about me going to her office instead of having appointments on the phone. All I have to do is muster up the courage to drive there. She had a good point that the only way I will learn my way around is if I actually get out and drive . The other thing I have to do is quit using Link as an excuse to not go places .

11 September 2021 Memory

September 11, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, history, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today ? I’m doing alright. It’s hard to believe it’s Saturday already . The week went by pretty fast.

Today is a milestone of a horrible day in world history. Sometimes it seems like it was just a collective bad dream but we never woke up. There are still a few first responders suffering and as a world I think we still suffer from what happened that day. I know I was broken for a long time I couldn’t believe something like that could happen here!

Was it one or quite a few, not knowing what to say or what to do? When the walls of tower fell, it looked like a scene right out of hell. So many years have past since that fateful day, the roars have turned to whispers not much left to say.

9 September 2021 Time

September 9, 2021September 9, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you ? What’s going on in you where and when as you meet me here ? I hope your having a good day so far . I am having a productive morning so far. I mustered the energy to go get groceries. Whoop de doo right ?!! When your me getting groceries is a big deal !!

What’s on my mind this morning is time. Specifically time being a healer of deep emotional and spiritual wounds. It’s easy to try and heal using alcohol, drugs, shopping and any other kind of distraction but you aren’t really healing you are just procrastinating . After our dog Sam died it took me nearly 4 years to recover . With this divorce I am still healing a year later. I will say it’s getting better but there is still a ways to go….. I need more time.

I walked through time today, I didn’t stop I didn’t have anything to say. The wheels and gears spun and forced me compliant, upon its pace I was completely reliant. I had to stop and turn to face the grinding gears. The only way to relieve my pain may take years …….

7 September 2021 Futile Tasks

September 7, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you as you meet me here this morning ? I hope you are well . I am doing ok. I’m writing a little bit earlier than I normally do. It gives me a purpose to write so who cares what time I do it right ?!

This morning I walked by my dirty car again and I got that feeling like I should try and wash it . I also got the feeling “what’s the point of washing it? It’s just going to get dirty right away!” My car is an outside car meaning I don’t have a garage. We are surrounded by the fires that have been going on this summer so the air is always filled with ash. This ash ends up on the car everyday. It feels like washing the car is one of those futile tasks like cleaning house! The thing is if you don’t clean it once in awhile it seems like you don’t care to take care of it.

I used to have cleaning as my OCD. If I got stressed or anxious I would start cleaning because it always needed to be done ! Living with dogs changed that for me and helped me see the futility of trying to keep a house perfectly clean all the time. So now I see life as a series of futile tasks! A bunch of things we do that almost as soon as you do them you have to do it again. There has to be more to life than that !

Lately I have been struggling to muster enough energy to do these futile tasks. Where did that energy to take care of things like I used to go ? Is it me getting older? Is it me living alone? Is it me turning into a lazy person? Is it apathy or depression? When you are depressed a lot of time you just don’t want to do anything. I will have to pray on this!

5 September 2021 Routines

September 5, 2021September 6, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you doing today? I hope your doing well . I have been really sleepy today. I don’t know if it’s because of the shot or what but I have been wanting to sleep a lot!

I have been trying to establish a daily routine of walking after my walk with Link . So far it’s going pretty well except when I am really tired. The other part of the routine is trying to blog and draw each day . Sometimes I am hard pressed to come up with anything and other days it just flows . These are activities that help fill my day with something meaningful.

Some days it feels like it takes extra effort to walk Link !

Results

“Perception ” in the English Ordinal system equals 121

“Routines ” in the English Ordinal system equals 121

4 September 2021 Arrival

September 4, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello there ! How are you doing today ? I’m doing pretty good . I’m writing later today because I spent some time with my aunt and uncle this morning! We had blueberry pancakes ! They had gone to watch the balloons go up at 5 am and there was news that a new member of our family had arrived – Cove 8 lbs 1 oz! Baby girl !

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone was welcomed to this world with so much joy ?! If everyone who felt estranged from their family and friends found out everyone was so pleased that they had arrived. This is the promise of new life —- hope! It’s kind of like finding out that someone was praying for you and you didn’t know it . Being loved and cared about even if you don’t directly see it . We are never entirely alone . When we get here there are so many souls, many we don’t directly know, praising our arrival . Welcome Cove!