Category: trust

29 December 2020 Wrecked…Divine Timing

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you in your here and now as you visit me here. I haven’t written in a couple of days as I have had a lot going on like getting in to a car wreck on Christmas day! Thankfully the other driver, Link and myself weren’t seriously injured.

For many years I have talked about something called divine timing. When I was with my husband we noticed that if we were going somewhere and there was a delay, there usually was a reason. Sometimes we would stop so he could go to the bathroom and when we got back on the road there would be an accident at the approximate place we would have been.

Well on Christmas day I was supposed to leave my aunt and uncles at 4pm but I decided to leave a few minutes earlier and it was in the few minutes in which I met up with a driver who failed to yield at the stop sign. When I think of those moments it’s like everything is moving in slow motion . I stepped on my brakes so hard hoping it was going to be enough to keep us from getting into an accident,

Currently my car is being tested and evaluated to see if they can repair it which is my hope. I have a rental car but am so reluctant to drive it. Yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed. I have to drive again otherwise I will be stranded. I was just starting to get my confidence up about driving and then this happens. I find myself asking God why?? Was this just some random occurrence or what does God want to to teach me?

I find myself wanting someone to hold on to going through this. I feel so vulnerable and alone . I have family and friends that have helped me and they text, call and visit but it’s never enough. I miss having someone who supports and loves me all the time. May be this is a a test for for me to try and stand on my own which I haven’t done without being married.

“christmas car accident” in the English Ordinal system equals 191

“spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

22 November 2020 Blocked Creative Juices

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok I guess. I am feeling like my creative juices are blocked if that makes any sense. I got so used to everything creative being so easy for me. It was like “You want a unique painting? Here! Done!” “You want a poem you have never heard before?! Done!” “You want a chalk portrait? Done!” Now there is nothing going on at all! It’s like an entire part of my brain is no longer functioning like it once was and it sucks! Is it me or is it medication that is blocking my creativity ?!

The alternative to this problem is being so creative that I’m manic and that’s what was happening before. There doesn’t seem to be a moderate switch on things. I don’t know how to moderate my creativity. When I lived with my husband he was partially my muse. He encouraged me to do the things that I did and now that he’s gone I have to figure out how to inspire myself. Ironically he kept getting me to “create” for myself and I am having to truly do that now! I miss having someone to encourage me like he did.

Let’s look at this in the numbers:

“Blocked Creative Juices” in the English Ordinal system equals 202 (when I see this it makes me think of life and shadow self with the brain in between being examined)

“powerless” in the English Ordinal system equals 132

“creativity ” in the English Ordinal system equals 132

6 Nov 2020 Election Day

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, history, In the News, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you and how are you? It’s been a couple days since I have written again. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the days slip past me this time of year.

The subject that has me preoccupied right now is the election. I didn’t get my absentee ballot requested fast enough so I didn’t get to vote. God must have known I couldn’t make up my mind on who to vote for. I have been following live feeds on Youtube. It seems like Joe Biden is winning but there is nothing official yet. May the best man win.

May the doors that need to open, open. May the doors that need to shut, shut. Amen”” in the English Ordinal system equals 779 (all the vices in check for a no process)

I decided to see what election day came up to in the numbers:

“election day” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 (of course a 13) (one one yes, no, may be)

29 October 2020 Changing with the changes

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good morning to you. How are you today as you visit me here? I am gradually adjusting to all the changes going on in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to adjust to a bunch of change all at once which has been the case for me. I have moved to another part of the country, am living without my husband and have been living with family I have never lived with before. I am having to do a lot of “letting go and letting God.”

Once again my chameleon tattoo comes into into play. A chameleon has to adapt to their surroundings. I am having to do a lot of changing with the changes. Lets see what it comes to in the numbers:

“changing with the changes” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 (ironically my birth month and date! Light and shadow process for one in a yes, no, may be existence. If you add everything up the number is cyclic in nature.

“Letting go and Let God” in the English Ordinal system equals 191 (one divided by “No”)

“spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

21 October 2020 Finding Happy

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you today? I hope wherever and whenever this finds you that you are happy. As I write that I realize that asking someone to be happy can be a tall order in this world now. People say that all the time, “I just want you to be happy.” Sometimes it takes a big effort just to smile; such has been the case for me for the past few months. The one person in my life that I actually found happiness with decided to move on without me. So now I am having to relearn what it means to be me, to be Jackie, not Kyle and Jackie and it’s hard.

I am having to revisit lessons from my past. My first husband taught me an important lesson about happiness. He said that no one can make you anything – make you happy. This is so hard because it seems like I have been almost programmed that someone else should be the root cause of my happiness. I love to be in love! I have been this way most of my life. It also occurs to me that I have also been someone that has been empty much of my life expecting someone else to fill me up. I was starting to find out what made me happy but it was in conflict with what made husband happy. Experimenting in our kitchen with earth and grass bowls just didn’t appeal to my husband!

So let’s see what the phrase “I just want you to be happy” looks like in the numbers:

“I just want you to be happy” in the English Ordinal system equals 306 (yes, no, may be in the unknown which can be a person, place and or thing, all vices in check but one)

“three zero six” in the English Ordinal system equals 172 (I thought this was neat that “a world” world =72 came up as the very next part of the equation)

“one seven two” in the English Ordinal system equals 157 (one all the senses all vices in check)

“one five seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one the left side of the brain one and 41 = garbage*)

“one four one” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow self in eternity and 28 = man )

“one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (pattern)

*It’s interesting to note that sometimes the quest to be happy makes ALOT of garbage! How many people shop to make themselves and or others happy!

Five plus two equals seven

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing these days? It’s getting cooler and the trees are doing a slow striptease of their gold and red dresses.

My friend and I use a chat site called Healthful Chats and in order to find each other he uses my age as a code. I decided to see what the words and numbers said :

“five plus two equals seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 3(yes, no, may be in the unknown eternity)

“death” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

Everything we say, think and do seems to have some kind of significance if you really peel back the surface…even just a little bit. What’s ironic is my friend really started to have problems on the date of my birthday this past year and we had never met yet. One of the core issues he’s been dealing with is death!

15 Oct 2020 Repair/die/run/move on

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there, how are you doing today? It’s already Thursday and the end of the week approaches. We had frost on the ground this morning – not ready for cold weather yet!

As usual, I was having trouble coming up with a topic for today. Things just don’t flow like they used to! One of my friends was talking about a loop he’s having in his head and I decided to run it through the numbers. The numeric value seems to match pretty close to what the words are saying:

“repair die run move on” in the English Ordinal system equals 222 (continual process of light and shadow selves all the way through)

I decided to add the slash as a word and something interesting happened:

“repairslashdieslashrunslashmove on” in the English Ordinal system equals 399 (Jackie =39 and thirteen = 99!) yes, no, may be of a “no” “no” process.

this phrase kind of correlates to the above process:

“wherever you go there you are” in the English Ordinal system equals 328 (life =32 man=28) yes, no, may be process of light and shadow in eternity and or on the racetrack of life.

What I have figured out about running away is I haven’t been able to escape from myself . Whatever behaviors I exhibit in one place, I will have the same ones in the new place. It’s hard to change but sometimes unless you change, you won’t ever grow as a person. Change has seldom come easy to me!

3 October 2020 Impulsive

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, trust, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good morning to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok so far today. Still making progress for finding a place to live, hopefully will have a lead on a place Monday. Ideally, I’d like to find a little house for Link and I to rent but a lot of the ones that have come up so far don’t allow pets. A lot of them are already rented.   There are some nice apartments we have inquired about but I don’t qualify. I really wanted to avoid living in an apartment again but might not have much of a choice.  Something nice I can afford will present itself and it will be just the right place.

The word of today is impulsive (something I am trying to avoid doing with this use search):

impulsive[imˈpəlsiv]ADJECTIVE acting or done without forethought. 

“impulsive ” in the English Ordinal system equals 126 (a game, a God)(a one light and shadow process of self all vices in check but one)

“one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 (a brain)(a one right and left side brain process)

“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 (a play)(a one all senses engaged right brain)

one five four ” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (a child)(a one yes, no, may be process all vices in check but one

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (a self)(one right sight brain light and shadow of self process)

“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (a sun)(one all senses process of light and shadow self)

‘”one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (a one) (one yes, no, may be right side of brain process)

 

30 September 2020 Shopping for a place to live

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you you doing today? I am doing ok.  I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude for my blessings.  I am way better off than a lot of people these days!

So the current leg of my journey involves finding a place to live in a boom state.  What I mean by that is I moved to a state that is booming with growth as people from expensive places like California move here.  There is a shortage of low income housing.  Farmland is being sold to home developers that aren’t building houses for single occupants.

So pickings are pretty slim and I can’t see myself renting a home for nearly twice what I was paying for a mortgage. I have been trying to avoid the apartment option because I have had such bad luck in the past living in them.  Noise has been the primary complaint.  Moving into an apartment with a dog that barks at just about everything would be horrible for both of us.   I have to have faith that the right place is going to be there for us we just have to be patient.

“Shopping for a place to live ” in the English Ordinal system equals 264 (light and shadow of self process all vices in check but one for right side of brain)

two six four” in the English Ordinal system equals 170 (one all vices in check for unknown person, place and or object)

one seven zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 163 (one all vices in check but one for a yes, no, may be process)

“one six three” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side of the brain process of light and shadow of self)

“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all the senses engaged process of light and shadow self)

“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be right side of the brain)

“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses engaged for unknown person, place and or object)

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one right side of the brain for unknow person, place and or object)

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all the senses engaged in eternity and or race track of life)

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow of self process with all the senses engaged)

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)

 

Just curious:

“boom town” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 (two parts of self separated all vices in check)

“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one yes, no, maybe, yes, no may be self)

“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side brain all vices in check but one)

 

12 September 2020 Today

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing?  I hope from whenever and wherever  you are you are having a good today,

I had a couple of interesting dreams last night.  One of them was of seeing Princess Diana in a wedding veil and telling her she could stay, whatever that meant.  The other dream had to do with former President Ronald Reagan and getting car keys from him but instead of getting a car there were beds with numbers on them.

Today is my cousins’ sons wedding and we are having an orange level air quality day. I hope it clears up for them.  The sky is gray, like clouds are in the sky, but it smells like burning! I made my final decision about whether I was going to the wedding or not and I have decided not to go.  I just want the day to be about them and their happiness.  I can’t stop thinking about my own stuff and how I feel about it.   In my minds eye,  I keep seeing myself in black dress looking like I did when I married my ex but alone.  I miss my ex-husband very much and am having trouble moving on without him.  When I think about things I feel like I am being pulled apart   !

“today” in the English Ordinal system equals 65 (all vices in check but one for all the 5 senses)

(“white” in the English Ordinal system equals 65)

“one two September two zero two zero ” in the English Ordinal system equals 439 (left side of brain yes, no, may be, no existence” and ironically my name 39 is in here)

these values above made me think of yin and yang :

Yin and Yang

Yin and Yang
In Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng, lit. “dark-bright”, “negative-positive”) is a concept of dualism, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. In Chinese cosmology, the universe creates itself out of a primary chaos of material energy, organized into the cycles of Yin and Yang and formed into objects and lives. Yin is the receptive and Yang the active principle, seen in all forms of change and difference such as the annual cycle (winter and summer), the landscape (north-facing shade and south-facing brightness), sexual coupling (female and male), the formation of both women and men as characters and sociopolitical history (disorder and order).