31 August 2023 Description of Self

July 31, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How would you describe yourself to someone?

So how to answer todays prompt?! I would describe myself as a deep thinking, spiritual, funny and very sensitive person. I like to think I am basically a good person. I am a survivor. I have been through a lot of difficult things in my life – some of my own making and some not. I have been through and continue to go through the earth school of hard knocks! I am currently trying to get my medications right and find balance in my life. I get excited about things like the latest news about extraterrestrials! I could be considered gullible about some things but I am learning to keep myself in check though – keep a healthy perspective on things. It’s so easy to get lost in the hype of things in the news! To be a sheep!

Hello to you. How are you? I hope your doing well. We are living in weird and trying times – testing times and sometimes it’s hard to get through each day without reaching out for help. I am reaching out more and more to Jesus and I find comfort there. When everything in the world seems unsteady I find hope and steadiness in him and ambassadors of his words – way of life. Yesterday I was seeing more positive reviews of the movie The Sound of Freedom – another hit from Angel Studios. I haven’t seen it yet – I haven’t had the courage. It’s not a subject for the faint of heart! People are seeking new hero’s – real ones and actors like Jim Caviezel and Jonathan Roumie are coming forward. Both have portrayed Jesus – they answered the call and continue to do so in both their personal and professional lives.

Hebrews 12:1-3New International Version

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I was looking for scripture about turning to Jesus and found this song:

https://youtu.be/CtSpOIpD_A8 – Katy Nichole Turn to Jesus

Turn To Jesus

Lyrics

In the morning when I rise
I lift my head and turn my eyes
To the window where the light is shining through
When my feet hit the ground
I know a place where love is found
So I go where I know I’ll find the truth

I turn to Jesus
I turn to the One who knows my name
I know He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am safe
And honestly, I could give a million different reasons
For why
I turn
I turn to Jesus

When the night starts to fall
And I’m worried I won’t see the dawn
And my heart is afraid of what’s ahead
There’s a voice through the chaos
That comforts me and gives me rest
When I’m weary and I’m longing for a friend

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
Ooo oh oh

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Jonathan Smith / Brandon Heath / Katy Nichole

Turn To Jesus lyrics © Centricity Songs, Be Essential Songs, Forbidden Island Music

29 July 2023 Now What?

July 29, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Mental Health, Movies, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? I’m sitting out on my porch with Link right now. It’s nice and cool out. I’ve been waking up earlier the past couple mornings. I am no longer taking the olanzapine (zyprexa) and taking abilify instead. I am paying close attention to how I feel – being vigilant about mania. I have been sleeping so that’s good. When I have had mania in the past sleep was an issue.

Good morning! It’s another day! Now What?

So yesterday I wrote a lot about what we found out about aliens and through the day I watched several posts on Tik Tok to see what other peoples reactions were. A lot of them were the same. Clips of the highlights and this common thread – now what?! I still have to go to work, pay off student loans, inflation is through the roof for everything we need to live and our government wants us to think about aliens! How does this news change anything for the average American? Other posters brought up that our finding this out probably means there is bad news coming. For Christians we are seeing the end times playing out. The shit is hitting the fan all over the world environmentally – the oceans are hotter than ever before. What I saw in the responses yesterday is if it doesn’t affect their immediate life they don’t really care. Ironically all this IS affecting their immediate life. What isn’t being acknowledged is perhaps having help from extraterrestrials would affect their immediate life if we really reached out and were open minded. I believe they might have answers to help solve our day to day lives – especially the environment. It can’t be just about the military and national security that they are making themselves more and more visible.

I can remember watching movies like Close Encounters and the wonder I felt if meeting them would go that way – seeking to communicate peacefully. Then there are movies in recent times about scary alien encounters like Aliens, Thing, Predator movies and Prometheus where the first encounters are terrifying. Remember the television series V where the aliens wanted to eat us?! War of the Worlds where aliens wanted to take over the planet?! I personally want to see Gene Roddenberry Star Trek kind of world – a world where we evolve past what struggles we face today and have a world of peace. A world where we have peace treaties with species from other worlds.

Anyhew – it’s baby steps for now. It’s disappointing that the direction being taken is what’s happening is a threat and not an opportunity.

Luke 21:25 NIV

²⁵“There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. ²⁶People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. ²⁷At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. ²⁸When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

27 July 2023 Someone Cares

July 27, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi there! How is your week going this far? I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting – so glad I went. I got to meet a new person and as a group we talked about something we all had in common – a family member committing suicide and mental health. The pain of the loss be it fresh or a few years down the road never really goes away. Time numbs the wounds, faith restores hope. Some day we will see each other again! Mental Health is so hard to understand. It’s not like a broken bone or a one time problem you can just snap your fingers and fix. Suicide attempts are not just attention seeking but a legitimate cry for help.

Along these lines it comes to me to put it out in the cosmos that no matter what life may seem to be someone cares. For example, in a little gathering of four people just today, strangers to you, lifted you up in prayer. Someone cares about you no matter how it may seem. You are not alone! God has shown me this through my family both blood and not.

Exodus 33:14

¹⁴ The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 139:7

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

I was happy to see the return of these purple flowers

Matthew 26:41New International Version

⁴¹“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

*RIP Sinead O’Connor – they haven’t said how she died but I have my suspicions from her history. I hope she has found peace.

18 July 2023 Bothered

July 18, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What bothers you and why?

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I got a call yesterday from the VA about getting a consult to learn more about what recreational programs they have. So Wednesday I will be doing a telephone/video call to see what they have to offer. We are trying to find things for me to do that either get me out of the house or give me something to do. My vertigo is still going on and is an obstacle so we shall see what they have to offer.

Todays prompt isn’t easily answered. Depending on what’s going on determines what’s bothering me – what I’m allowing to take my personal power. Sometimes it’s Big Pharma, politics, religion, Big Agriculture, Oil and Gas – whatever is on my radar at the time that I perceive to be corrupt.

When I perceive corruption in the world it naturally bothers me but I’ve learned the longer I focus on it, or hold on to it, the worse it becomes. I have learned what you focus on gains power and so if I’m focused on negative things, the more power I’m giving to it to exist! When I let go of whatever it is that has me bothered, it’s like a path is made for more desirable results to occur. I have to let go and let God. Some things I get bothered about are so much bigger than me! I can remember when I was really bothered by Oil and Gas. I was giving it so much power but as soon as I let go the issues that were bothering me about it started getting more attention from outside sources. It’s better to focus on what is good and positive – to give my personal power to it. It’s a practice along the lines of mindfulness.

Luke 10:38-42New International Version

At the Home of Martha and Mary

³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feetlistening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

16 July 2023 Security or Adventure

July 16, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Are you seeking security or adventure?

Hello to you. Just back from church – it was good as always. Got to see and talk to the sweet people there. We discussed psalm 34 and “Mr E.” gave a great testimony about his path to following Jesus. He had his Bible with him when he first got saved – inside he wrote the name and date and signed his name and this was back when he was six years old! It’s really neat to hear what happens to people when they make a path within themselves for God to use them. I have had fleeting glimpses of this in my own life. Those experiences of being in the right place at the right time like a mission from God. I am currently hoping for an opportunity for God to use me- just need to get the physical stuff that limits me out of my way! May be having physical limitations is a way for there to be balance and not overwhelming myself. Only God knows! My many thanks for your continued prayers and support!

Something nice happened too after service my friend Mark gave me a bag of cherries from their tree! They taste really good! He notices when I’m not there and kind of helps me stay accountable.

A thoughtful gift through fellowship and natures bounty – cherries

Todays prompt makes me think of my life this far. I think I have chosen security over adventure as I’ve gotten older. When I was young and had all the world in front of me I think I took more chances – sought out adventure because nothing was really stopping me. I was healthy physically up until when my mental health issues really started mushrooming and that was in my late twenties and early thirties. My forties and up until now have been clouded by the struggle of achieving balance – safety and security versus adventure. There is a part of me that kind of thirsts for adventure but I hold myself back – a lot of times it’s because I don’t want to leave Link. He has become an anchor of what home and security is. When I come home from being gone – seeing him reach up and scratching on the window in excitement makes me feel so loved. Somebody cares that I have returned!

Deuteronomy 4:29New International Version

²⁹But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.

14 July 2023 Getting Better With Age

July 14, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What do you think gets better with age?

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. In a bit I’m going to a psychiatrist appointment with the VA. I’m blessed that my friend Tawna will be going with me. I have to talk to them about the increase in vertigo and feeling more off balance since I started taking a new medication called Abilify. When I turn over in bed or get up from laying down or put my head back to drink I feel off balance. The room moves but I’m standing still. Ugh! When I looked at best medication for bipolar 1 last night and the drugs I’m taking were listed but all had similar side effects – dizziness was a common one. Lithium, a drug I was on before, was listed as one of the best but I don’t think they want me on that again. I would appreciate your prayers about all this!

Todays prompt seems obvious to me – people and animals mostly get better with age but that depends on their health. If you have poor health or have been rough on your body for your early years aging can be really rough. The other things that age well are cheese and wine!

Isaiah 46:4New International Version

⁴Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

13 July 2023 Bedtime

July 13, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

Hello to you. I’m just back from Grace House where we have a prayer meeting each Thursday at 9:30 am. Today it was Lois, Brie and me. We are hoping that may be this fall our group will grow some. I walked over and back. My lower back wasn’t happy but the prayers helped. I have been having some vertigo/swaying spells the past couple of days. I hope this isn’t a side effect of the new medication I’m on! We prayed for my Aunt and Dad too. Just found out my Aunt is having shoulder surgery later this month.

So bedtime and getting up are something I’ve been having to work on. I try to start going to bed at 9 pm and I usually wake up around 8-9 am. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and I don’t like getting out of bed right away. I think the reason I have trouble falling asleep has to do with being on screens before bed time. Last night I didn’t have anything on after lights out and I don’t remember falling asleep! Just takes good practice and consistency I think.

Today was good because I needed to be up early to go to the prayer meeting. It’s good to have a reason to get up and have something to look forward to.

Psalm 4:8New International Version

⁸In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

2 July 2023 Surgery (ever had one)

July 2, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Have you ever had surgery? What for?

Hello to you. I’m just back from church and groceries. The message today came from Thessalonians in regards to the return of Christ. Pastor Daniel from the Nampa campus gave the message. It was good to see familiar faces and get caught up on things. Dear Penny lost her Dad recently and she shared her peace about that. The grocery trip was kind of disappointing. I wanted to get some Tillamook ice cream to take over to Ruth’s on the 4th but they didn’t have vanilla and the freezer was failing – a lot of the ice cream was melted. I picked up some Dreyers that wasn’t too melted! Hope it will be ok!

Todays prompt takes me back to the two surgeries I had to remove fibroid cysts. The first surgery removed a cyst the size of a 5 month embryo and second surgery, in August of 2005, when I had my hysterectomy to remove fibroid cysts and all my baby making parts. It was a life changing decision we made to have the hysterectomy. I remember just before being put under anesthesia for the second surgery the technician asking me if this is what I wanted to do. It rained that day as Kyle waited for me to get in and out of surgery. I remember it was hard to wake up from the anesthesia for both surgeries.

I never had children and having the 2nd surgery shut the door on that. It was for my best. From time to time I wonder what my life would have been if we had tried for a child either in my first or second marriage but it passes. Looking back at the wreckage of my being Bipolar, it really would have been rough trying to raise a healthy child. A large part of my dog Links early life was me in the hospital. It would have been worse if he had been a human child.

1 July 2023 Keeping Life Fresh

July 1, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s 89 degrees here as I write to you. I was going to sit outside and write but it’s too hot!

My thoughts today turn to thinking about keeping life fresh. Lately my life has been feeling like Ground Hog Day. Very little deviation from routine. Sometimes I will be ready to do my daily sit ups and wonder if I already did them! Inside of me I am wanting more but my body is resisting. What keeps happening is I get this fullness in my ears and I will feel anxious and hypersensitive to my body. The Mal de Barque stuff. My lower back has not been my friend either. I try to walk and I feel like a weeble wobble huffing and puffing almost the whole walk in pain. The only thing that seems to help the hypersensitivity is taking the olanzapine right now. I will be starting to do the taper off of it starting tomorrow. My doctor wants to taper me off of it because it’s notorious, along with the Depakote, for causing weight gain. We are going to try Abilify (aripiprazole) instead of Olanzapine – I hope it works as well for anxiety, weight gain and hypersensitivity.

I try to stay in the understanding that I am blessed to have the life I have even with it’s short comings! As I keep saying it’s not what I can’t do but what I can. Hopefully with the medicine change I will feel stronger and like I can do more to keep my life fresh.

I love seeing roses ready to bloom – especially the two tone ones

Psalm 147:3-5New International Version

³He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
⁴He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
⁵Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

30 June 2023 Brains Ok

June 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Friday again – this week went fast.

Yesterday I went with my cousin to an appointment with a neurologist. They didn’t find anything of concern – brains ok! Very short visit. Kind of felt like a waste of time but at least it was good news. The doctor was much more cheerful than the first time we met. Whatever is going on in my head and ears appears to be something non-detectable by standard tests. He said he thinks whatever is going on may be connected to the medication I’m on. I’ve been on Depakote before and didn’t have the side effects I’m experiencing. I think it’s Mal de barque and I’m just going to have to live with it.

What was good about going is I got some quality time with my cousin Laura – that wasn’t a waste of time! We had a nice lunch at Chik-Filet. During our visit she was trying to help me figure out things I can do to get me out of the house more or have something meaningful to do. Both her and my Aunt do that. This is helpful for me as sometimes it’s hard to get out of my own way. The limitations holding me back are mostly physical, not wanting to drive and especially not wanting to leave Link for long periods of time. She had a lot of ideas for me to think about! She encouraged me to think of things I can do not what I can’t. I am hoping with the medication change I will be starting that I won’t be tired so much and will have more stamina – hopefully will lose some weight!

These cheerful painted rocks were out front of the hospital

Psalm 30:2New International Version

²Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.