Category: Health

7 September 2021 Futile Tasks

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you as you meet me here this morning ? I hope you are well . I am doing ok. I’m writing a little bit earlier than I normally do. It gives me a purpose to write so who cares what time I do it right ?!

This morning I walked by my dirty car again and I got that feeling like I should try and wash it . I also got the feeling “what’s the point of washing it? It’s just going to get dirty right away!” My car is an outside car meaning I don’t have a garage. We are surrounded by the fires that have been going on this summer so the air is always filled with ash. This ash ends up on the car everyday. It feels like washing the car is one of those futile tasks like cleaning house! The thing is if you don’t clean it once in awhile it seems like you don’t care to take care of it.

I used to have cleaning as my OCD. If I got stressed or anxious I would start cleaning because it always needed to be done ! Living with dogs changed that for me and helped me see the futility of trying to keep a house perfectly clean all the time. So now I see life as a series of futile tasks! A bunch of things we do that almost as soon as you do them you have to do it again. There has to be more to life than that !

Lately I have been struggling to muster enough energy to do these futile tasks. Where did that energy to take care of things like I used to go ? Is it me getting older? Is it me living alone? Is it me turning into a lazy person? Is it apathy or depression? When you are depressed a lot of time you just don’t want to do anything. I will have to pray on this!

30 August 2021 Being Happy

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing as you visit me here today ? It’s morning as I write to you . The mornings are getting cooler and I can feel fall is on its way!

This morning my thoughts turn to the concept of being happy . What does being happy even mean ? It’s such a fleeting thing!! Even if you have everything you want and need in this life will you be truly happy?

Some people seem to come by happiness so easily! They always have a smile, easy to laugh , they are easy to please and just have an air of contentment around them. I want to be more like these people again. I used to be that kind of person and then 2020 happened !

What does being happy mean to me now ? We are already almost through 2021 and I’m still figuring it out! I am getting fleeting glimpses of what it means for me . When my ex and I used to be down we would do something I need to get back in the habit of doing – mental gratitude list . We would ask each other “what are you grateful for today ?” So many things to be grateful for ! Could gratitude be a pathway to happiness ?

What am I grateful for today ? That I have the privilege of writing this blog, my health, Link, my family and friends , thankful for a God that answers my prayers – so much more !

25 August 2021 Balance

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health

Hello! How are you today ? I am under a blanket as I write to you . It’s in the 50’s this morning!

Something that has been on my mind is balance . How delicate it is. If I eat too much sugar. If I drink too much caffeine. If I don’t get enough sleep. If I get too little exercise. If I watch too much tv. All of these things and more can offset “the apple art” that is my existence . I find as I get older my body is even more sensitive and it can be frustrating!

18 August 2021 Rested

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . How are you ? Are you feeling rested? I hope so. Lately I have been feeling like a SIMS video game character that just can’t get my energy bar to full! There was a cheat you could used called a Rejuvenator. All you had to was put your SIM in it for a few seconds and all the bars reset. Some days I wish that was real! There is such a fine balance between protein, sugars and sleep.

Drawing for today

13 April 2021 Prospers

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you?

I want to be this kind of person:

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

In the life of a person like me, sometimes it’s hard to muster enough energy and courage to do the things that need to get done. Today was one of those days. It’s like my body physically resists any effort I make to be productive. So I have to force myself to do things otherwise they don’t get done.

I have to mention here that I never used to be this sort of person! I used to clean everything compulsively. If something needed to be done I got it done. Now a lot of times I find myself asking “what’s the point?” I have come to realize a lot of tasks we do in this life are futile in nature. Like for examples laundry, getting groceries, ironing and shoveling snow. I really want to get back to some sort of balance with all of this!

“God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

“prospers” in the English Ordinal system equals 126

“Schmidt” in the English Ordinal system equals 76

“the futile tasks” in the English Ordinal system equals 176

10 April 2021 Normalcy

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you? I’m doing ok. Today’s topic is courtesy of a friend as she is struggling, like many of us are, to define what her new normal is. So much of what we used to do without thinking about it has changed. Like I heard from my cousin that her daughter had to schedule a spot to visit the zoo! We used to be able to just go and visit the zoo. We used to be able to just go shopping, eat out , get a haircut , go to a movie and various other things without a second thought. Now we have to find out if places are open and if they are open what are their procedures for being open.

I honestly don’t think things will ever be the way they were before this pandemic happened. Part of me is wondering if the pandemic has given us a new reverence for “normal” when we can have it. May be we don’t take things for granted as much.

“Normalcy” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 (one unknown person, place or thing to one) I look at this being like a two blacksmiths at an anvil working on one piece of metal.

9 April 2021 The Program

by saymber, posted in dreams, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing today? It’s 9:05 am on this TGIF morning. I had some weird dreams last night one of them was of watching people making a blue drink to make “blue bloods.” The other that I remember was seeing shadows of three crucifixions and one kicked one of them down and it became a shadow of a chair. Not sure what the blue bloods was about but the other was may be about Jesus being crucified so I could have rest – rest symbolized by the chair. What do you think?

Yesterday I started listening to the Lucinda Bassett Attacking Anxiety and Depression (Attacking Anxiety and Depression Midwest Center for Stress 16 Cassette Tapes | eBay) program and so far it’s pretty interesting. I need to do more than just listen but that’s all I have the energy to do right now. What I have found interesting is some of the people interviewed were completely off anxiety medication. They didn’t consider anxiety and depression a mental illness but a temporary condition. You have to learn how to talk to yourself in a positive manner.

They suggest getting an exercise program to help combat anxiety. I never thought that would be a problem for me. I have been an active person for most of my life but this past year since the divorce I’ve become quite sedentary. I’m looking forward to more steady warm weather and may be then I will get out and walk more.

“life” in the English Ordinal system equals 32

“Attacking Anxiety and Depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 327 (yes, no, may be light and shadow existence all vices in check)

6 April 2021 Ask

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing better. For some reason mornings until mid-afternoon are tough for me . Today I prayed for divine help. I specifically asked for Jesus’s help because I am so sick of feeling and thinking the way that I have been this past year. I feel like such a pathetic human being when I’m like this! A possible answer to the prayer came via a long phone call with a friend who has a program she is going to give me to try. It worked for her and she’s hoping it will work for me.

I let my feelings control my thoughts a lot of time. I must learn to control my thoughts in spite of my feelings. This kind of goes back to my post about feeling the fear but doing it anyways. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an empath or what but my feelings have always seem to override my thoughts. I think there has to be a healthy balance with my gifts and living this life.

This scripture resonated:

Ask, Seek, Knock Matthew 7:7-8

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

So I have asked and have been seeking so we’ll see what we find.

“all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25

“Ask, Seek, Knock” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

4 April 2021 Resurrection

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you on this day of hope? Today we are reminded of the resurrection of Christ and some people it’s celebration of the Spring Equinox Eostre. A lot of Christian holidays have their origin in pagan roots it was how they got many pagans in Christs time to convert to Christianity (7 Pagan Festivals We Still Celebrate Today | Through Eternity Tours).

I was looking for the scripture passages about the resurrection of Christ this morning and stopped looking after I read Matthew 27. It’s such a dramatic moment! It must have been terrifying to be there:

Matthew 27:50-56New International Version

50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and[a] went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!”

55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph,[b] and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.

Something that bothers me about this is the rising of the dead from their tombs. What actually happened that day? Did people actually rise from the dead and walk around? I am reminded of what happened to me back in 2002 when I had my first major episode/experience. I was in the Emergency Room in Florida and could feel myself getting really cold. They wanted me to lay down but I said I couldn’t otherwise I would slip out of my body, I could feel it happening. Then a man came in with warm towel and and they gave me some fluids and I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Suddenly there was beeping sounds of machines in the almost all the rooms around me. This was the first time I felt like Christ was within me. There is much more that happened after all this but I won’t go into it now.

They say it’s not uncommon for this sort of thing to happen with a psychotic break; a Messiah complex (Messiah complex – Wikipedia). It felt like more than that. What happened to me? I was alive but felt like I was going to die, just slip out of my body. Was it just dehydration, a psychotic breakdown or a resurrection? It’s hard to say!

“one six five ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process for eternity)

“resurrection ” in the English Ordinal system equals 165 (one all vices in check but one for the senses)

“Messiah complex” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 (one all vices in check but one light and shadow process)

3 April 2021 Finding Comfort in Food

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Food, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing ok. It’s a lovely sunny day here in this little town of Middleton ID. Gradually I am getting used to living here but miss some of the comforts of where I lived before namely food places to eat. When I lived in Alvarado we had a lot of fast food places really close to the interstate and they were easy to get to. Now if I want anything like that I only have Subway to choose from for commercial food places and anything else is having to drive to get it. I guess I should be grateful for that as I might eventually lose weight!

One of the things I have been doing this past year to cope with my depression, boredom and loneliness, is finding comfort in food. I especially have problems with sugar. They say sugar is as addictive as cocaine on the brain and I believe it! I haven’t been cooking for myself because there is so much waste and I just can’t justify the effort. I know that sounds pathetic but that’s just how I feel. Lately I have been making use of Grub Hub food delivery service. It’s expensive but I only do it as a treat. Paying a little more for somebody else to go to a food place and bring it to my door is worth it sometimes! Eventually I imagine I will get back to baking and cooking.

Here are a couple words and phrases in the numbers and how I interpreted them:

“lie” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

“dog ” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

“Finding comfort in food” in the English Ordinal system equals 216 (a light and shadow process for one with all vices in check but one)

“one” in the English Ordinal system equals 34

“gluttony” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be for the brain)

“all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25

“addicted to food” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process for the senses)

“world ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

“boredom ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72 (all vices in check in a light and shadow process)

“loneliness” in the English Ordinal system equals 124 (one light and shadow process for the brain)

“depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 124