Category: Spirituality and Religion

20 September 2021 Reflections

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Good day to you ! How are you ? It’s getting really chilly here at night already . I don’t know about you but when it’s chilly it’s hard to get out of bed!! I am kind of procrastinating going and getting groceries – not one of my favorite things to do !

So anyhew…….it’s Monday again. The days are going so fast and it’s not even that I’m really busy. It just feels like this year has gone fast. Just this time last year I wasn’t sure I would have a place to live and sitting here now I have a little house . I wasn’t sure of a lot of things and there have been answers! I am not alone !

The morning comes with its familiar light, My Pandora mind opens and my thoughts take flight. I seek the comfort of an invisible friend, a God who assures me they will be with me til the end. The voice that comes is comforting and clear, he says everything I am longing to hear. I find myself wishing they would stay but like the morning he just fades away .

19 September 2021 Oddball

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you this Sunday morning ? I am hoping for more rain so my car will be clean again ! We got just enough of a spittle to turn my car into a mud ball .

My thoughts are inspired by my drawing today….being an odd ball. Not being like everybody else. Most of my life I have been the one that doesn’t fit in. It’s not that I didn’t look the fitting in part it’s what was going on inside of me. I was a goth girl before it was a thing. I used to visit cemeteries and talk to animals all the time. I can remember looking in the mirror and wondering who was behind my eyes .

In my drawing I am the one standing alone looking at all those who are in line. I never quite fit in to the group. It’s usually because I don’t want to have to compromise my beliefs and or thoughts so that I will fit in.

Oddball spirit

For as long as I can remember it’s been this way for me. I was an outsider in school and in the military . The only time I really belonged is when I did sports. I was a runner and played volleyball . There is a camaraderie to sports that you don’t find in other group settings . I might have to consider sports again once Covid settles down again.

Nowadays my being an oddball has to do with having so many mental health labels. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not those labels – they don’t define who I am as a person . The labels are for the doctors ! I sometimes let my labels rule my life and I miss out on things as a result .

I have always been a little odd, my ways a mystery to most everyone but God. My eyes a mirror within a hall of windows, my spirit trapped between life and the gallows. Walking between worlds tangible and the unseen, a balancing act of sweet and mean . I am indeed odd but that is between me and God ……

18 September 2021 Happiness

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you ? I just finished my second cup of coffee and have been sitting here contemplating what to write about. Sometimes things don’t flow so easily .

A lot has been swirling in my mind, not all of it kind. Forwards and backwards around and around, my thoughts like a heavy traffic sound. Horns and engines revving loud, oh how to please the crowd…….

So my thoughts turn to happiness and how hard it is for me to answer when someone asks me what makes me happy. I guess it’s a true sign of codependency that I cannot answer easily! People ask me what I like to do and I draw a blank almost every time. There is very little of this world that truly “makes me happy.”

If I’m to be completely honest though what makes me happy is a relationship with God. It’s not putting my head in the Bible, going to church or doing a bunch of charity . It’s everyday things like waking up and feeling God’s presence. Going for a walk and feeling like God is walking with me. Drawing a picture and writing this blog; feeling like it’s a collaboration with God. True happiness coming from feeling at one with God. Everything else is just fluff really.

Where I have felt happiest and closest to God has been outside. When I lived in Texas we had a nice backyard and I felt like it was like having an outdoor church. It was small and I felt safe. Down the street was a park with a man made pond I used to like to go to . I haven’t found anyplace like that here yet.

Doing this blog brings me a fleeting happiness . I feel like for a few minutes I’m contributing to the world I live in! Like I’m doing something that matters. I feel close to God writing and get sad when I have to wrap things up . It’s like having a visit with a friend and you don’t want it to end !

I didn’t draw a picture yet today. Today was just about words . They are just flowing. I am happy. I don’t want our visit to end!

I was happy what seems a long time ago, time seemed to stand still it moved very slow. The trees whispered secrets and the clouds melted in my hands, the wasp carrying the spider made no demands. Everything in my natures church had a place, spirits and wisps made an appearance without a face . I long for those never ending conversations I had with God, until those days return onward I will trod.

17 September 2021 Decisions

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you today as you visit me here? It got down into the 30’s this morning! I’m so not ready for cold!!

My drawing for today and thoughts turn to making decisions. For every decision needing to be made there are three answers that can be given yes, no and may be. You would say may be isn’t a decision and you would be right! It’s a mental pause, making a space for a definitive answer. So many things in life are vague!

It’s not often that I can give a yes or no answer right away. I see so many sides to an equation! This is especially the case when other people are involved . I will think whether or not my decision will hurt the other person- there is a cascade effect . Feelings will often complicate things! Sometimes it would be nice to be a Vulcan from Star Trek and just use logic to make decisions. If that were the case there would be no may be’s!! It would be here are the facts, make a decision.

Sometimes it’s hard to make a clear cut decision

Some of the quandary comes from my spirituality . How many times to decide to forgive or are we always supposed to forgive? When do you stop forgiving someone ? I don’t think God wants me to be a doormat ! I have been spending a lot of time in may be on forgiveness.

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16 September 2021 Help

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today ? I am doing ok.

This morning I did something that I haven’t done in a long time, I called for help . I didn’t call on just anyone but I called on Jesus. I focused my whole entire being on this call and I felt the response in my heart ! It was like a wound closed inside of me.

I have been reluctant about Jesus for a long time but apparently he’s not been reluctant about me ! May be my concept of God has been too big . For the past several years my concept of God has been that God is energy , that God is “all.”

The problem I’ve had with Jesus is no one has physically risen from the dead again like he and Lazarus did . He promised he would come back but what is time to a God! He didn’t say how he would return what if he already has many times but been denied as a lunatic? What if he returned as a she?!!

I guess all I can do right now is be thankful for the relief of my internal suffering. If I had called out to any other deity would I have felt the same?! May be God was expecting my call and was waiting to see if I would call Jesus ?!!

Being healed

14 September 2021 Divine Plans

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you ? I hope this finds you well. It’s continuing to feel like fall here. I’m not sure I’m ready for summer to be over!

So my thoughts turn to divine plans. With the season turning to fall I was thinking of of the tree in particular . They are the earths lungs, water filters, home for thousands of species and basically are eco systems unto themselves . Talk about a divine plan!!

There is the other sort of divine plan when everything will come together at just the right time and make something happen . I had that occur when I was preparing to buy my house. The house was on the market at just the right time and at just the right price. It was an answer to our prayers .

There are times though that it seems like there isn’t a plan. It seems like there is just nothing! Those can be trying times . I like there to be order in the seeming chaos! These are the times that test ones faith.

A divine plan

6 September 2021 Picnic

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you ? Today is a day off of work for some people – Labor Day. I always try to remember working people of history fought for workers rights and some paid with their lives ! https://www.history.com/.amp/topics/holidays/labor-day-1

Yesterday afternoon I went to the Grace Bible Church all church picnic with my Aunt and Uncle. There was a great turn out of people and lots of good food . They had pulled pork sandwiches and then parishioners brought side dishes . I felt kind of guilty being there as I haven’t been going to church services . I guess the bottom line is being able to decide if I’m a Christian or not ! I have been at this crossroads so many times in my life . We talked to a couple people my Aunt and Uncle knew in addition to the pastors. Otherwise it was people watching . A lot of the activities were for the children which there were a bunch of there ! Overall it was a good experience but I’m glad I was with my Aunt and Uncle. I would have been pretty lonely otherwise !

4 September 2021 Arrival

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello there ! How are you doing today ? I’m doing pretty good . I’m writing later today because I spent some time with my aunt and uncle this morning! We had blueberry pancakes ! They had gone to watch the balloons go up at 5 am and there was news that a new member of our family had arrived – Cove 8 lbs 1 oz! Baby girl !

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone was welcomed to this world with so much joy ?! If everyone who felt estranged from their family and friends found out everyone was so pleased that they had arrived. This is the promise of new life —- hope! It’s kind of like finding out that someone was praying for you and you didn’t know it . Being loved and cared about even if you don’t directly see it . We are never entirely alone . When we get here there are so many souls, many we don’t directly know, praising our arrival . Welcome Cove!

Doodle for today welcoming Cove and balloons that took to the sky today

1 September 2021 Worlds

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello again! I did another one of my strange drawings. I honestly just out the pen to paper and this is what comes forth. It doesn’t always make sense .

What comes to mind looking at my doodle is duality of worlds . It’s something I learned when I was lead to exploring the value of words in numeric form. There are different realities in the light and shadow of our existence and in between is our destiny . I guess that’s what all the center stuff in the drawing is about. How do we get to our destiny ? There seems to be an unseen plan! A word that comes to mind is “the weavers.” The weavers are constantly at work shaping our worlds — constantly shaping us.

31 August 2021 Gathered

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you ? I am doing pretty good this morning . I did something different and really enjoyed it . Today I’m thinking of the Bible passage New International Version
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” My Aunt invited me to a short Bible study today with one of her dear friends. There was just the three of us .

It really felt good to talk about God and read from psalms (psalm 145) which is the last psalm written by David and psalm 104 which was our hostesses favorite. It felt nice to get out of the house and spend some time with a couple of women who truly love God and have a strong testimony in how God has worked on their lives.

I honestly didn’t want it to end! My drawing today is symbolic of what we did today .