18 September 2021 Happiness

Hello there! How are you ? I just finished my second cup of coffee and have been sitting here contemplating what to write about. Sometimes things don’t flow so easily .

A lot has been swirling in my mind, not all of it kind. Forwards and backwards around and around, my thoughts like a heavy traffic sound. Horns and engines revving loud, oh how to please the crowd…….

So my thoughts turn to happiness and how hard it is for me to answer when someone asks me what makes me happy. I guess it’s a true sign of codependency that I cannot answer easily! People ask me what I like to do and I draw a blank almost every time. There is very little of this world that truly “makes me happy.”

If I’m to be completely honest though what makes me happy is a relationship with God. It’s not putting my head in the Bible, going to church or doing a bunch of charity . It’s everyday things like waking up and feeling God’s presence. Going for a walk and feeling like God is walking with me. Drawing a picture and writing this blog; feeling like it’s a collaboration with God. True happiness coming from feeling at one with God. Everything else is just fluff really.

Where I have felt happiest and closest to God has been outside. When I lived in Texas we had a nice backyard and I felt like it was like having an outdoor church. It was small and I felt safe. Down the street was a park with a man made pond I used to like to go to . I haven’t found anyplace like that here yet.

Doing this blog brings me a fleeting happiness . I feel like for a few minutes I’m contributing to the world I live in! Like I’m doing something that matters. I feel close to God writing and get sad when I have to wrap things up . It’s like having a visit with a friend and you don’t want it to end !

I didn’t draw a picture yet today. Today was just about words . They are just flowing. I am happy. I don’t want our visit to end!

I was happy what seems a long time ago, time seemed to stand still it moved very slow. The trees whispered secrets and the clouds melted in my hands, the wasp carrying the spider made no demands. Everything in my natures church had a place, spirits and wisps made an appearance without a face . I long for those never ending conversations I had with God, until those days return onward I will trod.

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