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26 August 2020 Medication and Development

August 26, 2020 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you today. How are you? I sincerely hope wherever and whenever you are visiting life is treating you well.

As for me…well….I wish I could say I am doing great! Fantastic! I am all better! Such is not the case every morning. Ever since I left the hospital 27 April of this year I have been changed. I am trying to move forward and move on with so may things. I would never of imagined then that I would be in my Aunts house writing this now.

My medication is a big part of what is going on for me. Some times it feels like it isn’t working at all and other days I can’t imagine being without it! Being bipolar affects me on so many levels. Some days, some moments I feel like I could handle just about anything and then just one minor blip and nope can’t handle anything. I find myself grasping about for someone….anyone to talk to so I can work through what I am feeling.

Looking at medication as a number and patterns it’s pretty interesting how accurate it is at describing the process:

“medication” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 (ironically my short name in the numbers, Jackie = 39! no yes, no, may be process)

“nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (no in eternity and or racetrack of life)

“nine eight ” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 (no for one also this number is spirit)

“nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 (all vices in check and all vices in check but one and it’s my maiden name!)

“seven six ” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 ( two separate ones of self all vices in check)

“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one in a yes, no may be and yes, no may be process)

“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one right side of the brain all vices in check but one)

Thinking of development and change. Something I have noticed since moving here to Idaho is growth. A lot of farmers seem to be selling their land to housing developers. I am just going to look at the phrase housing development:

“housing development” in the English Ordinal system equals 224 (light and shadow self process of self with light and shadow process of self with right side of the brain)

“two two four” in the English Ordinal system equals 176 (one all vices in check with all vices in the check but one)

one seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 151 (one all senses of one)

“one five one” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 (one in one with object)

“one one zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 (one with yes, no, may be with light and shadow of self)

“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 (one left side brain in eternity and or racetrack of life)

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 (one left side brain in yes, no may be process)

“one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all senses and object)

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side brain and object)

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or racetrack of life)

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one in light and shadow of self all senses)

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be with right side of brain)

“farming ” in the English Ordinal system equals 68 (all vices in check but one in eternity and or racetrack of life)

(planet” in the English Ordinal system equals 68)

“six eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 (one object in the center one )

“one zero one ” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 (one with yes, no, may be with light and shadow of self)

“farm” in the English Ordinal system equals 38 (yes, no may be in eternity and or racetrack of life)

(“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38)

“world” in the English Ordinal system equals 72 (all vices in check with the light and shadow of self process )

(“money ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72)

(pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth, – these are the vices I am thinking of )

22 August 2020 Privacy, Security and Alone

August 22, 2020 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you it’s Saturday how are you doing? I hope things are going well for you . I have had a significant change to my lifestyle moving in with my aunt and uncle. I don’t have privacy like I used to have but I do have security and I am not alone . I am grateful for the change because for a couple of months I was living a strange existence nearly completely alone! Thank goodness I had Link. As much as quarantine sucks, it is like security by definition in the numbers! I was surprised by that.

In looking at a couple key words it’s interesting to see how closely they match the actual definition of the words:

“privacy” in the English Ordinal system equals 94 (no process, right side of brain)

“nine four” in the English Ordinal system equals 102 (one object in a light and shadow process of self)

“one zero two” in the English Ordinal system equals 156 (one sensory all he vices in check but one)”

“one five six” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process of self in eternity)

one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one left brain process for one)

“security” in the English Ordinal system equals 120 (one light and shadow process of self with unknown)

“one two zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 156 (one sensory all he vices in check but one)”

“one five six” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process of self in eternity)

one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one left brain process for one)

(“quarantine ” in the English Ordinal system equals 120)

“alone” in the English Ordinal system equals 47 (left side of the brain all vices in check)

“four seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of self with the senses)

6 August 2020 Resistance

August 6, 2020 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I hope you are well. The word that came up today is resistance. I have been resisting some things because a part of me doesn’t want to believe this is my life now the way that it is.

“resistance” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 and look at that it’s a 13 in there! I was born on 13 February!

The biggest thing I have been resisting is the fact, and it is a fact, that I am a not a guest here in Idaho and I’m not going back to Texas. It’s simply my reality now. My stuff is in a storage unit here and the rest of my belongings to include Link are with me here in Idaho. I’m not going back. I really can’t go back. Once the house is sold that’s it for me and Texas. There are so many memories to overlay with new memories.

I can tell when I am resisting because I get hot flashes and also feel like I am being split into two parts. I don’t want to keep feeling this way so I have redirect my thoughts to the present moment.

Does any of this resonate with someone else? I hope that some or all of what I’m sharing helps someone else as much as it helps me to write about it.

12 November 2019 Hello

November 12, 2019 by saymber, posted in Uncategorized

Hello.

23 May 2019 Forgiveness

May 23, 2019May 23, 2019 by saymber, posted in Uncategorized

Forgiveness – https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

My interpretation through this system of what forgiveness is. It is a process within the two sides of ourselves to determine if we will let the harm someone else has caused us be set aside or whether or not we will hold on to it. Sometimes, for me, it seems like I’ve let something go from the past but something in the present can trigger an old wound. This has been happening to me recently in my own life. There are a lot of “broken pieces” in my house as evidence. I glued some of them together yesterday and made some art out it like I’ve done in the past and posted here.

I deleted all my previous posts because sometimes, without meaning to, you can hurt people with things you write.

Not many people understand this system that came to me around February of last year…..trust issues. Gematria has been around a long time but the way I interpret it isn’t the same as other people do it. To consider both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves. I am split in two in most any way you can be, so this makes sense to me and may make sense to others like me. This message is for you then. I feel like God gave me this as a life preserver to try and help me get a grasp on reality. It is my duty to pass it on….for free. It doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to the God of my understanding.

“Forgiveness” in the English Ordinal system equals 139/13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 (light and shadow of ourselves) = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 *My name, Jackie, is 39. To look at this number is one person in a “yes, no, may be” situation and nine for me is nein, nein in German is No.

“one three nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – one person in a “yes, no may be” situation yet and now they are in the process of deciding what they will do between the two sides of themselves.

“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – one person engaged now with their brain, brain is 44 in the numbers in the racetrack or seeming infinity process that is life.

“one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – one person engaged yet with their brain in the “yes, no, may be” process of forgiveness.

“one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” of the unknown aspects of forgiveness. What will happen if they forgive? This number is also fifty states and communication in the numbers.

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – one person engaged with their brain in the unknown aspects of forgiveness.

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” while living on the racetrack or seeming infinity that is life. The number eight is the infinity symbol if you draw it.

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – one person engaged in the process of forgiveness and the five senses, the “sensation” and or feeling of what it is like to forgive.

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one person engaged in the “yes, no, may be” aspect along with their brain….”shall I continue?”

“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses again, the “sensation” of forgiveness and their are many unknown aspects….variables they can’t control. It is a cycle. I forgive but seldom can forget which can be difficult for people who would like to forget the past and I remind them of it.