Category: Mental Health

26 March 2021 Feel the fear and do it anyway

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing today? It’s a sunny and bright day; definitely spring! I noticed some weeds are starting to grow. The people who sold me this place didn’t put tarp down before they laid the gravel so a bunch of grass and weeds are growing through the rocks. I think it would have been better to just have grass but it’s too late now! I ordered a weed eater and and a weed puller so I should be set for basic care of my yard.

So last night I was honored with a visit from a dear friend and we had a long talk about fear. We talk about “feel the fear and do it anyways” a lot. Working through my fear of driving, especially since the accident on Christmas, has been difficult. My cousins and Aunt and Uncle live nearby but I still have to drive to get to their houses and we are working on getting me comfortable doing that. I live in a small town, even smaller than the last town I lived. While this town does have a lot of the basics, you still have to “drive to” to get most things you want or need. In time that will probably change as Middleton is growing like most of the towns surrounding it.

Something else that came up last night in talking about fear was my fear of leaving Link by himself. I realized I can’t even say the word “leaving” without feeling anxious! We figured out I am kind of projecting my human emotions on to Link. I have been left. I have been abandoned and I don’t want him to experience that. A lot of times I fret about going places because I am afraid of how Link will feel without me. This kind of thing happened when I was married too. A lot of the reason we wouldn’t go and do things was because of my fear of leaving the dogs alone. I have to remember Link is a dog not a child!

Finally, it’s important to be able to discern the difference between a legitimate and illegitimate fear. This is when I look for the still small voice to speak up and guide me.

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18 NIV

“Feel the fear and do it anyway” in the English Ordinal system equals 247 (process of light and shadow for left side of the brain all vices in check)

25 March 2021 Letting go

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you? This morning began with some tears during a therapy session with my counselor. We were trying to find the root cause of the anxious feelings I have been having. The more talked it over with her, the more I am realizing that this condition has been an ongoing thing.

What brought me to tears was thinking about letting go of my husband and moving on with my life. I realize that my fear of driving is just a symptom of my not wanting to make my current residence a home. If I get familiar with this place and get to know my way around that means my marriage is truly over (which it is).

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

I keep getting an “anxious belly” meaning I will think about something and I will feel it. I have been talking to my therapist about this for quite some time ad she says the only way to get over this is to go through what I am avoiding. I’m just not ready yet…..I am slow about this!

Letting go is more than just the context of what I’m writing here, it’s also about my life in general – to let go and let God. I say I believe and trust in God but my actions don’t always match up to that . In some ways I hold on so tight. It makes me think of riding on a roller coaster with my husband one time and how he said “It doesn’t matter how tight you hold on you aren’t in control.” You can say that about a life too. No matter how tight you hold on to your life, you aren’t entirely in control of it.

“letting go” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 ( one resisting the unknown)

“happy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

““It doesn’t matter how tight you hold on you aren’t in control.” ” in the English Ordinal system equals 661

23 March 2021 Guidance

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You

It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?

I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.

I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.

Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.

“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64

18 March 2021 Help

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you today? I am doing alright. Even though it’s gray and overcast, it was nice for a walk with Link.

This morning I was asking for help writing to you today and I was lead to psalm 121:

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

What a beautiful message about where to look for help. Lately I have been asking for God’s help. With more time on my hands, I have been lead to spend more time with God . I have seeking ways to be more useful and one way that came to me was praying for people but that doesn’t feel like enough.

This morning I wrote down, “God has a good plan for you.” Sometimes it takes awhile for a plan to made manifest and I must have patience!

“Jackie” in the English Ordinal system equals 39

“God has a good plan for you” in the English Ordinal system equals 239

17 March 2021 Quiet Faith

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you ? It’s a beautiful day so far. I got Link out for his morning walk and that was good for me too!

Do you ever have mornings where you want to hear from God and all you get is is either silence or random noise? That happened to me today. So I turned to that little book from my Aunt, Bible Promises for You and found this:

Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Sometimes I think God’s voice is in the silence and that’s when we have to really call on our Faith.

I am trying to write every day and that has proven to be challenging. I keep wanting to hear from God in a big bold way and God doesn’t always work that way! God sometimes doesn’t speak at all. Sometimes silence is where you find the message .

“body ” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“planet. ” in the English Ordinal system equals 68

“Sometimes silence is where you find the message . ” in the English Ordinal system equals 468

16 March 2021 Procrastination

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you this day as you visit me here? I hope you are doing well. I asked God for a topic today and all that came forth was one word procrastination. I decided I didn’t like how I feel thinking about that word! When I think of that word it provokes anxiety! I start asking myself questions like “What have I left undone God?” “What should I be doing that I’m not doing!” So I sought inspiration in a little book my Aunt gave me for me birthday last year; it’s called Bible Promises For You:

I am Joyful

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12 NIV

Perhaps there is some kind of connection between procrastination and joy I don’t know about? Perhaps you can’t know joy unless you do what your putting off ? So if something is really nagging you the sooner you get it done the sooner you will experience joy? I wonder. I think a big part of procrastination for me is fear:

I am Unafraid

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NLT

Here are some of the key words in numbers:

brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

“ inspiration” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

“procrastination ” in the English Ordinal system equals 192 (one no light and shadow existence)

“religion” in the English Ordinal system equals 89

“joyful ” in the English Ordinal system equals 89

“Jesus” in the English Ordinal system equals 74

“unafraid” in the English Ordinal system equals 74

15 March 2021 Sugar

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Food, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? I hope this finds you well. We are having beautiful weather right now and I am so grateful. I am hearing places like where my parents live and some of my friends are having a spring blizzard!

Well this morning I was asking for a topic and the one that came through above all the others was “Sugar.” Since my divorce and all that has been going on in my life, I have gained a lot of weight. A big part of of the weight gain is I have been seeking comfort in food. I have had a lifelong addiction to sugar. Sugar has always been a big part of my diet in whatever form I can get it. Sometimes it’s natural sugar and most other times it’s cookies, candy and things that I drink. My particular Biome, little earth inside my gut, just seems to run on the stuff . If I don’t get enough of it, I act like someone who is in withdrawal from another addictive substances.

It seems like if I am not addicted to one thing it’s something else. I want to claim victory over addictive substances and can’t entirely do it on my own!

Just this morning I was listening to a recent teaching by Joyce Meyer. She brings up a good point that what we think about gains power. So in order to have victory over sugar I need to talk to myself and be in prayer with God like I already do have victory over it. This Is a lesson I have been taught time and time again and I just need to put forth the effort to show I have learned it. Today I have to go the grocery store and I will be tempted! I will need to put on my holy armor!

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Psalm 17: Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings – thinking of my Grandma saying to me when I visited her one time that I was the apple of her eye!

“sugar” in the English Ordinal system equals 66 (all vices in check but one TWICE so an entire self submitting to addiction)

13 March 2021 Walk

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you this day? I am doing pretty good. Just got back from a nice walk with Link. The past couple of days have been really beautiful – warm and sunny. I am looking forward to spring and more days like this.

Now you ask why the title “walk.” Well I asked for a topic and that is the word the came through loud and clear. May be my brain was catching up to that’s what we were doing at the time I asked lol! I don’t know! I looked up the word Walk in my NIV Bible and there are several references; like 211 of them. Here is one for example: John 8:12

12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Now to talk about walks/walking in the context of my daily life it’s a vital part of it. I can’t even say the word without Link perking his ears up! We try to get out at least once to two times a day if the weather is nice. Walking replaced running for me because my knees got bad from running so much when I was younger. Walking has always been a great therapy too – walk up to 40 minutes to kick in the “happy chemicals” in the brain.

Some of my best memories are from walks with my husband, family and friends. Seeing rainbows, flocks of birds, elaborate spider webs, trees and flowers. No matter how “ugly” the place I have been, I have always managed to find the beauty in the midst of it. When you walk with God you walk with all of your senses not just for exercise. I’m grateful that I am able to walk!

Lets see what the question I ask Link is in the numbers:

“do you want to go for a walk?” in the English Ordinal system equals 282 (light and shadow process with eternity in between)

11 March 2021 Blue Sky “Wow”

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good morning to you. How are you doing in your day thus far? I hope you are well. This morning I was seeking a topic and asked God about it and then almost on cue a huge formation of birds appeared in the sky! At first there were no words just the sound of the birds. Then the first word that came to my mind was “WOW!” The sky was such a clear blue so I could see the birds really clearly. I of course didn’t have any camera other than my two eyes. I guess this amazing sight was just for God and I to witness….”just for us.” Sometimes there are no words to be had just an awe inspiring sight. So much happens in the sky that if your not paying attention you will miss.

Genesis 1:8 NIV

“God called the expanse “sky” and there was evening and there was morning – the second day

“blue sky” in the English Ordinal system equals 95 (no sensory experience – this makes sense as you can’t sense the sky, the sky just is)

10 March 2021 Always

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good morning to you. How are you ? I am better after having a walk with Link this morning! There is something about sunshine and cool weather that just feels good.

Lately I have been listening to Joyce Meter and other pastors a lot and realized with them doing all the talking there isn’t much room for God to speak to me. I decided to ask God this morning on the walk “what is the message for today” and the one word that came through really loud and clear, more than once was the word Always.

“People, places and things may abandon you but I won’t. I will always love you and never abandon you” in the English Ordinal system equals 952 (no, all the senses light and shadow existence – God doesn’t have a body )

That is what I heard God say to me today and I just have to believe it! Now always is a long time but not impossible. God, no matter what name and or face you put on them has been around forever. I believe a promise of forever love, to always be there is a promise God can keep.

I just have to quit expecting a human being to be able to keep such a promise. Human being are fickle and changeable. We are limited by our short years of existence.

The other thing is always is an absolute kind of word. People shouldn’t live in absolutes like always and never but God can. God is absolutely capable of always loving me. Lets see what always is in the numbers:

“always” in the English Ordinal system equals 81 (eternity for one)