Category: Bipolar life

29 March 2021 Belonging

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? It’s Monday afternoon as I write to you. Today I have been thinking about belonging and this passage resonated with me. It’s one of my favorites:

Romans 12:5-8 New International Version

5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Where do I belong God? What is my part? These are questions I have been asking and waiting for an answer to for most of my life. I thought my part was being a wife and for 28 years of my adult life that was true. I have been fired from that part twice now! So now I am out in the world on my own (with Link) and am not sure what part God has planned for me.

Other people like my Aunt, Uncle, cousins and friends all seem to represent a part of God’s body and try to help me with my quest to know God better. My problem is that I keep looking for “the one” part of God’s body and that body went away some thousands of years ago!

So where do I belong God? That is and has been my biggest question for the body of God. I will have to wait to see what answer that body has for me.

“planet” in the English Ordinal system equals 68

“where do I belong God” in the English Ordinal system equals 168

27 March 2021 Content

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you? It is Saturday as I write to you and it’s a beautiful, sunny day.

I was trying to think of something to write about today and the word content came to mind.

Philippians 4:12-13New International Version

12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

This passage really stood out today. It can be difficult when you are in the moment of crisis to be content like the passage describes. For example when I was having surgery back in August 2005 to have a fibroid cyst removed. Prior to the surgery I was anything but content! I was so scared! Everything ended up being alright thank God. I prayed and cried so much!

I suspect a lot of my worry, anxiety and fear comes from not leaning on God enough and that’s because I am kind of a control freak. If I don’t have complete control over a situation I feel powerless. If I am ever going to reach the level of contentment I want I have to let God be God!

“spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

“content” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

26 March 2021 Feel the fear and do it anyway

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing today? It’s a sunny and bright day; definitely spring! I noticed some weeds are starting to grow. The people who sold me this place didn’t put tarp down before they laid the gravel so a bunch of grass and weeds are growing through the rocks. I think it would have been better to just have grass but it’s too late now! I ordered a weed eater and and a weed puller so I should be set for basic care of my yard.

So last night I was honored with a visit from a dear friend and we had a long talk about fear. We talk about “feel the fear and do it anyways” a lot. Working through my fear of driving, especially since the accident on Christmas, has been difficult. My cousins and Aunt and Uncle live nearby but I still have to drive to get to their houses and we are working on getting me comfortable doing that. I live in a small town, even smaller than the last town I lived. While this town does have a lot of the basics, you still have to “drive to” to get most things you want or need. In time that will probably change as Middleton is growing like most of the towns surrounding it.

Something else that came up last night in talking about fear was my fear of leaving Link by himself. I realized I can’t even say the word “leaving” without feeling anxious! We figured out I am kind of projecting my human emotions on to Link. I have been left. I have been abandoned and I don’t want him to experience that. A lot of times I fret about going places because I am afraid of how Link will feel without me. This kind of thing happened when I was married too. A lot of the reason we wouldn’t go and do things was because of my fear of leaving the dogs alone. I have to remember Link is a dog not a child!

Finally, it’s important to be able to discern the difference between a legitimate and illegitimate fear. This is when I look for the still small voice to speak up and guide me.

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18 NIV

“Feel the fear and do it anyway” in the English Ordinal system equals 247 (process of light and shadow for left side of the brain all vices in check)

25 March 2021 Letting go

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you? This morning began with some tears during a therapy session with my counselor. We were trying to find the root cause of the anxious feelings I have been having. The more talked it over with her, the more I am realizing that this condition has been an ongoing thing.

What brought me to tears was thinking about letting go of my husband and moving on with my life. I realize that my fear of driving is just a symptom of my not wanting to make my current residence a home. If I get familiar with this place and get to know my way around that means my marriage is truly over (which it is).

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

I keep getting an “anxious belly” meaning I will think about something and I will feel it. I have been talking to my therapist about this for quite some time ad she says the only way to get over this is to go through what I am avoiding. I’m just not ready yet…..I am slow about this!

Letting go is more than just the context of what I’m writing here, it’s also about my life in general – to let go and let God. I say I believe and trust in God but my actions don’t always match up to that . In some ways I hold on so tight. It makes me think of riding on a roller coaster with my husband one time and how he said “It doesn’t matter how tight you hold on you aren’t in control.” You can say that about a life too. No matter how tight you hold on to your life, you aren’t entirely in control of it.

“letting go” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 ( one resisting the unknown)

“happy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

““It doesn’t matter how tight you hold on you aren’t in control.” ” in the English Ordinal system equals 661

24 March 2021 Effort

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Food, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. My day started off nicely with a visit with my Aunt and Uncle. They invited me over and we went out to breakfast and coffee at the Cracker Barrel. It felt like God answered my prayers to have a coffee buddy!

Something that I’ve noticed about praying for things is that there is usually effort involved in the actual answering part! The only thing effortless about praying is the praying! When you ask for something to happen the universe has to rearrange itself to comply with your request. You must use the powerful and positive energy of gratitude to encourage things along.

Sometimes what you are praying for requires an uneven exchange of energies. What you are asking for may just be at too great of a cost. It doesn’t mean to stop praying for someone who is terminally ill but you have to understand why that person might not get better. God always has a plan and sometimes we don’t like the plan. Look at the processes for treating terminal diseases like cancer, there seems to be a constant exchange involved. A giving and a taking…..ebb and flow. They give chemotherapy and or radiation and take diseased flesh and what is returned is hopefully healthy tissue.

I am reminded of the anime Full Metal Alchemist take on equivalent exchange:

Alchemy’s principal law is that of Equivalent Exchange. Equivalent Exchange is the principle that limits alchemy’s infinite potential. It’s a simple concept: something cannot be created from nothing, and so in order to obtain something, something else of equal value must be lost .

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Law of Equivalent Exchange, Explained (cbr.com)

“all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25

“law of equivalent exchange” in the English Ordinal system equals 250

“effort” in the English Ordinal system equals 70 (all vices in check for unknown person, place and or thing)

“brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

“cancer” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

23 March 2021 Guidance

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You

It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?

I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.

I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.

Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.

“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64

20 March 2021 Be Strong and Courageous

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you? It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s a bit windy but we have some sun so not complaining!

I was looking for an inspirational verse for today and came across this:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Wouldn’t it be nice if all I had to do was read messages like this and everything was alright?! I am bipolar and thankfully the medications I am on have helped stop the high highs and low lows but I still experience almost crippling anxiety and depression. Mornings are really tough for me yet. This morning I forced myself to call for God’s help and that’s when I found the Bible passage. It wasn’t instantaneous and or immediate. Sometimes it takes awhile for an answer to come.

Here’s a nice message from Bible Promises for You:

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

in God, whose word I praise–

in God I trust and am not afraid” Psalm 56:3-4

18 March 2021 Help

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you today? I am doing alright. Even though it’s gray and overcast, it was nice for a walk with Link.

This morning I was asking for help writing to you today and I was lead to psalm 121:

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

What a beautiful message about where to look for help. Lately I have been asking for God’s help. With more time on my hands, I have been lead to spend more time with God . I have seeking ways to be more useful and one way that came to me was praying for people but that doesn’t feel like enough.

This morning I wrote down, “God has a good plan for you.” Sometimes it takes awhile for a plan to made manifest and I must have patience!

“Jackie” in the English Ordinal system equals 39

“God has a good plan for you” in the English Ordinal system equals 239

17 March 2021 Quiet Faith

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you ? It’s a beautiful day so far. I got Link out for his morning walk and that was good for me too!

Do you ever have mornings where you want to hear from God and all you get is is either silence or random noise? That happened to me today. So I turned to that little book from my Aunt, Bible Promises for You and found this:

Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Sometimes I think God’s voice is in the silence and that’s when we have to really call on our Faith.

I am trying to write every day and that has proven to be challenging. I keep wanting to hear from God in a big bold way and God doesn’t always work that way! God sometimes doesn’t speak at all. Sometimes silence is where you find the message .

“body ” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“planet. ” in the English Ordinal system equals 68

“Sometimes silence is where you find the message . ” in the English Ordinal system equals 468

16 March 2021 Procrastination

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you this day as you visit me here? I hope you are doing well. I asked God for a topic today and all that came forth was one word procrastination. I decided I didn’t like how I feel thinking about that word! When I think of that word it provokes anxiety! I start asking myself questions like “What have I left undone God?” “What should I be doing that I’m not doing!” So I sought inspiration in a little book my Aunt gave me for me birthday last year; it’s called Bible Promises For You:

I am Joyful

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12 NIV

Perhaps there is some kind of connection between procrastination and joy I don’t know about? Perhaps you can’t know joy unless you do what your putting off ? So if something is really nagging you the sooner you get it done the sooner you will experience joy? I wonder. I think a big part of procrastination for me is fear:

I am Unafraid

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NLT

Here are some of the key words in numbers:

brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

“ inspiration” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

“procrastination ” in the English Ordinal system equals 192 (one no light and shadow existence)

“religion” in the English Ordinal system equals 89

“joyful ” in the English Ordinal system equals 89

“Jesus” in the English Ordinal system equals 74

“unafraid” in the English Ordinal system equals 74