14 August 2021 Lonely

Hello to you ! How are you today? I am feeling lonely today. I tried walking a bunch of laps around the block but just can’t seem to shake this feeling ! Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy your own company . You can’t escape yourself lol.

The place I go that helps me not feel so lonely is my front porch. Sitting there helps me feel connected to the world. There are the neighbors, trees, birds, squirrels and insects. All sorts of life forms “doing stuff.”

When I am feeling like this I am reminded of what life was like off my medication. I always felt like I was being watched and never alone . A part of me misses that feeling. I wish I could have that feeling still taking my medication . Was it God I was close to during those times ? I wonder .

Colors of the day

13 August 2021 Anniversary

Hello! How are you ? I’m doing ok.

Today is my service anniversary. If I was still on active duty it would be my 35th year anniversary ! It’s hard to believe how much time has gone by ! The thing I miss is the comradeship. There were a lot of good people I worked with over my 16 years of service . I was stationed at Travis Afb CA, Bitburg ABS Germany, Falcon Afb CO, HQ Space Command Peterson Afb CO, Patrick Afb FL. All pretty good assignments ! I would have to say my favorite place was Europe .

Remembering my past

12 August 2021 Duality

Hello and good morning to you . How are you ? I am doing ok. I fixed myself some breakfast this morning after the morning walk. Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated to cook for myself. I guess I’m not really cooking just for myself – Link enjoys what I cook too !

I was thinking about duality. Most everything in known existence has more than one side; more than one way to look at things. The same can be said for a person. Everyone has a light and shadow side – a positive and a negative side . Which side we choose to focus on determines how we feel about that person. I often choose to focus on the positive side but sometimes that can leave me open for attack – vulnerable . I want to believe the best in people!

Drawing for today

11 August 2021 Learning

Hello to you in your where and when. How are you ? I am having kind of a rough morning. Words have power . Sometimes you can think you are safe in saying something a certain way and learn later that it hurt someone. I never mean to hurt anyone with my words here!

This blog is a place I’ve had as an outlet for many years now and I guess I’m still learning how to use it !

10 August 2021 Beauty

Hello to you! How are you ? It’s a nice day and I’m out on the porch with Link enjoying it. He is mainly focused on the squirrel that keeps coming to visit !

I am thinking about the subject of beauty. I have been called beautiful lately but I don’t believe it! I have gained a lot of weight and don’t think its attractive . So who do I believe ?! They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder . May be if I start looking at myself through the loving eyes that say I’m beautiful I will believe it !

After all what is more important ? To be beautiful on the outside or on the inside? I think if your beautiful on the inside it shines out ! I will keep focused on making sure I shine on the inside .

5 August 2021 Pain

Hello to you, how are you today? Is it hot where you are ? As I write it’s a nice 79 degrees. I managed to get Link around once and a lap for me . I may go again later but I’m trying not to overdue it. I have been having some pain in my knees and upper thighs .

I hate that I’m getting older and my limbs get stiff and sore . Oh for the days when I felt invincible lol! Oh for the days when I could lose weight easily and keep it off! The thing is I don’t want to be young again – just pain free! I don’t want to have to go through all that schooling again!

Colors of today

4 August 2021 Chalk Therapy

Hello to you . It’s Wednesday and it’s nice out here in Middleton. This morning I tried to get the boo bear out for a walk and he wasn’t having any of that ! So I got a mile in by myself. After some cereal and coffee I decided to take advantage of the fresh driveway canvas. Some chalk therapy! Being outside and drawing is like being in church for me – both peaceful and stimulating for my brain .As of late I like drawing Metatrons cube in chalk the best, the pattern soothes me. I haven’t felt like drawing some of the stuff I used to draw like faces.

Onward soldier we go through the hazards of today we flow we recognize very little of where we have been and most surely will retrace our steps back again. The finger of God points the way to go we will eventually arrive even if our progress is slow

Chalk therapy

Chalk therapy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 – (a man) ( one process of light and shadow in eternity)

31 July 2021 Mystery

Hello, how are you today? I hope you are well. I’m doing well and enjoying the weekend.

I am sharing another drawing that is a mystery to me. I just pick up my pens and draw and don’t really know what they mean! Sometimes I don’t find out til after I’ve drawn something if there is any meaning at all! I think this one has to do with maintaining a balance on the multiple layers of known existence .

28 July 2021 Helpful or Harmful

Hello to you, how are you doing on this hot day in July? I am doing ok. I was taking an afternoon nap and some thoughts and images started to filter into my my mind . Some of them painful memories like the day my cat Amber passed away. I had to force my mind to think of other things. I had to ask myself if thinking about such a traumatic day was helpful or harmful. The verdict was it was harmful. I don’t want to think about sad/depressing/traumatic things! So I thought of when she was alive sitting in a sunbeam instead. I forced myself to get up and draw too.

I have had to learn mental gymnastics like these past couple of years. If I let my mind wander it can lead me to some pretty dark places if I let it. It’s the same place my feelings are at and I have found that as an empath living by feelings can be emotionally draining and paralyzing .

Drawing for today