Tag: Middleton ID

28 Feb 2021 New Doors

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How is life treating you as you visit me here? I hope well! When I was thinking of a topic for todays post, New Doors came to mind. If I think about my life these past couple of years, I think of my having to walk through doors. I have had to permanently close doors behind me and get keys to unlock the door ahead of me.

I am not the only one who is having to do this. Just recently my cousin and her husband went through a door I haven’t had to yet and that is the one where you lose a parent. It is a very heavy door to both open, close and lock behind you. They have done it with love and grace. Today when I was over there they were painting the room where his Mother lived and preparing the room to be an apartment for their daughter. I could feel some of the leftover emotions; it’s so hard to move on sometimes but they are doing it!

A prayer I pray at times like these is one my Aunt and I said when they were trying to find a place for my Grandmother to live after they sold her house. It’s a simple prayer but very powerful:

“May the doors that need to open, open. May the doors that need to shut, shut. We pray this in your name, Amen.

That is my prayer for my cousins family, for my family and for anyone reading this today as we move to days of uncertainty ahead. I am hoping that the new doors that open have love, joy and comfort behind them.

“new doors” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 – two selves in a yes, no, may be existence

26 Feb 2021 What are you working on ?

by saymber, posted in books, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello how are you today? I am staying warm and dry. We just had a bunch of wind and then snow blow in a few minutes ago!

So I was thinking about a topic for today: “Human life consists of four levels of being – spiritual, mental emotional, and physical. The path of transformationn involves clearing, healing, developing, and integrating all four of these levels” *pg 72 The Path of Transformation How Healing Ourselves Can Change the World by Shakti Gawain. I am currently working primarily on the spiritual part of my life; my relationship with God as I understand them. The closer I get to God the more the other areas of my life seem to want to come into alignment for my greatest good.

I am feeling the hole in my spirit being filled and when I feel “full” of spirit the hunger I feel physically is more balanced. During this process I’ve been going through – namely the divorce- I have gained a lot of weight. To compensate for the emptiness I have been feeling spiritually – the loneliness – I have been eating more than I should.

I was telling one of my friends today that I noticed when I was in a committed relationship with someone, my relationship with God has taken a back seat. Then when I lost the relationship with a tangible being I felt all alone because I hadn’t kept my relationship with God alive. So this time alone is teaching me again that when I keep a strong relationship with God I don’t have to feel alone and indulge in behaviors that aren’t healthy for me.

I hope something here resonates with you. I feel like when I am going through something and share it, I am working with the God of my understanding. I am helping myself and helping someone else too! I hope you have a good day.

“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“spiritual mental emotional and physical ” in the English Ordinal system equals 406


25 Feb 2021 Victory

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I am doing well as I write to you. Today I had a nice visit with my Aunt and Uncle at their home. We were talking about health and how my Aunt has lost so many friends to cancer. As she talked about this I found myself thinking of positive affirmations and or prayers. The first one that came to me was “I claim victory for my family and friends over cancer.” As I said it I found that my chest got warm! I felt a “glow” inside. There is just a sense of powerlessness when it comes to cancer so it felt good to at least think/feel/say such an empowering phrase!

Lets see what Victory is in the numbers:

“victory” in the English Ordinal system equals 112 – two selves in a light and shadow existence

24 Feb 2021 Manifestation

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and Good Morning. How are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. I had some cereal and coffee and Link has been out. It’s very cold this morning so the walk will have to wait!

Lately I have been feeling like I am back in “life school.” My Dad told me a long time ago and I believe it, that life is school and we are never out of class. In the past year I have been through some pretty heavy duty courses! I have been going through a divorce, sold a house, bought a house, got my license plates and driver’s license in another state just to name a couple things. The lions share of the course work seems to be about my figuring out how to not be codependent.

It wasn’t until I really started to grieve the lost of my marriage did I realize how codependent of a person I could be. I used to be perfectly fine being alone but that was when I knew I had someone to come back to. Now that I am alone with Link I am having to figure out how to be truly alone. I’m back in school and the class is Manifestation.

I am having to remember I have the power to manifest my reality – I’ve done it before. I did it through writing, art, and various other means to make the reality I wanted to live. When I practiced manifestation before it was trying to bring about the relationship I really wanted. I want to manifest another relationship but before that I want to be healthy in myself. I don’t know if it’s possible to be open for a new relationship and a new life at the same time. I am having to turn to God about this. A couple affirmations from yesterdays reading really stuck out:
*All difficulties between me and ______ are now being healed *The more I love myself the more I love ____.

I love __________and _________ loves me. *Pg 132 Creative Visualization

My temptation was to put my husbands name in the blank spaces but then instead I put God. I want my husband to want me back but his every word and deed is in opposition to that. When you strip away all the possibilities it is God that still remains. When I think of the way things have been the past couple of years, I was married but was spending most of my time with an intangible God. Now is my opportunity to see what it’s like with no one in the way of that relationship. It’s been a rough start but I am coming around to the idea. I want to be complete and whole inside and these thoughts are all part of the manifestation process I’m going through again. The man I want to share my life with must believe in a power greater than himself – God.

So we’ll see what happens in the time that is before me. Lets see what manifestation is in the numbers:

“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“manifestation” in the English Ordinal system equals 146

23 Feb 2021 Belief and Faith

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am having a pretty quiet day. The sun is out and it’s a beautiful day here. I am reading books again and revisited a book that I have read several times before by Shakti Gawain called Creative Visualization. A lot of the principles she outlines in her book about manifesting the reality you want to live in requires, in my opinion, belief and faith. Sometimes you have to suspend disbelief to get to belief! Faith is believing without seeing .

In revisiting this book I am trying to feed myself intangible food that can help me kick the depression aka “funk” I have been in for so long now. Some of the exercises in the book talk about making positive affirmations for example: “God lives within me and manifests in the world through me” pg 50 Affirmations are one of the most important elements of creative visualization. To affirm means “to make firm.” An affirmation is a strong, positive statement that is already so. It is a way of “making firm” that which you are imaging. pg 42

I have been trying to come up with my own affirmations and the only one that I have come up with so far is “he is on his way.” In context it’s me wanting to manifest a new partner in my reality when God shows me I’m ready. I can remember when I grieved losing my cocker spaniel Sam. Three years I begged God to bring him back to me and he answered my prayers with Link. God answers my prayers when it’s divinely time not on my calendar . It could be three minutes, three days, three months and or three years I have to wait before I’m ready to be in relationship with someone again. The focus right now is my getting healthy enough to be able to even consider being in relationship with another person.

So I am having to have belief and faith that my affirmation has the power of a prayer and will be answered. A couple affirmations: “I believe everything is alright now.” and “I have faith in God.”

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“I have faith in God ” in the English Ordinal system equals 138

7 January 2021 Life Purpose

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you out there as you visit me here. How are you? I am trying to recover from what life has been throwing at me. I still haven’t heard from my insurance company as to whether or not they plan to total my car or repair it.

Today I had a telephone appointment with my therapist and she has given me a grand assignment. The assignment is to find my life’s purpose and I have no clue how to persue that! It feels like each time I have felt like I have found my life’s purpose, something has happened and or not happened and I am left searching again. I mean I’ve done drawing, writing, painting , photography, experiments, volunteer work . I have really tried a bunch of stuff. I feel like a blank slate now and totally clueless as to what I should be doing now. So to get such an assignment, I feel overwhelmed. Something from my past I have considered going back to is painting. How that worked best was an almost commission type arrangement. Someone would approach me to paint and the money paid would go towards supplies to make the painting.

I wonder what the numbers say about some of this:

“finding a life purpose ” in the English Ordinal system equals 206 (ironically 26 is God, game, lie in the numbers. Also process of light and shadow self with unknown all vices in check but one)

“painting ” in the English Ordinal system equals 90 (ironically spirit is also 90)

“blank slate” in the English Ordinal system equals 97 (weakness is also 97)

“reclaiming your life” in the English Ordinal system equals 202

I’m sure God has some kind of purpose for me I just don’t know what it is right now. I am hoping more human companionship will be part of it. I have found myself chronically lonely!

29 December 2020 Wrecked…Divine Timing

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you in your here and now as you visit me here. I haven’t written in a couple of days as I have had a lot going on like getting in to a car wreck on Christmas day! Thankfully the other driver, Link and myself weren’t seriously injured.

For many years I have talked about something called divine timing. When I was with my husband we noticed that if we were going somewhere and there was a delay, there usually was a reason. Sometimes we would stop so he could go to the bathroom and when we got back on the road there would be an accident at the approximate place we would have been.

Well on Christmas day I was supposed to leave my aunt and uncles at 4pm but I decided to leave a few minutes earlier and it was in the few minutes in which I met up with a driver who failed to yield at the stop sign. When I think of those moments it’s like everything is moving in slow motion . I stepped on my brakes so hard hoping it was going to be enough to keep us from getting into an accident,

Currently my car is being tested and evaluated to see if they can repair it which is my hope. I have a rental car but am so reluctant to drive it. Yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed. I have to drive again otherwise I will be stranded. I was just starting to get my confidence up about driving and then this happens. I find myself asking God why?? Was this just some random occurrence or what does God want to to teach me?

I find myself wanting someone to hold on to going through this. I feel so vulnerable and alone . I have family and friends that have helped me and they text, call and visit but it’s never enough. I miss having someone who supports and loves me all the time. May be this is a a test for for me to try and stand on my own which I haven’t done without being married.

“christmas car accident” in the English Ordinal system equals 191

“spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91