Category: Bipolar life

13 March 2021 Walk

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you this day? I am doing pretty good. Just got back from a nice walk with Link. The past couple of days have been really beautiful – warm and sunny. I am looking forward to spring and more days like this.

Now you ask why the title “walk.” Well I asked for a topic and that is the word the came through loud and clear. May be my brain was catching up to that’s what we were doing at the time I asked lol! I don’t know! I looked up the word Walk in my NIV Bible and there are several references; like 211 of them. Here is one for example: John 8:12

12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Now to talk about walks/walking in the context of my daily life it’s a vital part of it. I can’t even say the word without Link perking his ears up! We try to get out at least once to two times a day if the weather is nice. Walking replaced running for me because my knees got bad from running so much when I was younger. Walking has always been a great therapy too – walk up to 40 minutes to kick in the “happy chemicals” in the brain.

Some of my best memories are from walks with my husband, family and friends. Seeing rainbows, flocks of birds, elaborate spider webs, trees and flowers. No matter how “ugly” the place I have been, I have always managed to find the beauty in the midst of it. When you walk with God you walk with all of your senses not just for exercise. I’m grateful that I am able to walk!

Lets see what the question I ask Link is in the numbers:

“do you want to go for a walk?” in the English Ordinal system equals 282 (light and shadow process with eternity in between)

11 March 2021 Blue Sky “Wow”

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Music, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good morning to you. How are you doing in your day thus far? I hope you are well. This morning I was seeking a topic and asked God about it and then almost on cue a huge formation of birds appeared in the sky! At first there were no words just the sound of the birds. Then the first word that came to my mind was “WOW!” The sky was such a clear blue so I could see the birds really clearly. I of course didn’t have any camera other than my two eyes. I guess this amazing sight was just for God and I to witness….”just for us.” Sometimes there are no words to be had just an awe inspiring sight. So much happens in the sky that if your not paying attention you will miss.

Genesis 1:8 NIV

“God called the expanse “sky” and there was evening and there was morning – the second day

“blue sky” in the English Ordinal system equals 95 (no sensory experience – this makes sense as you can’t sense the sky, the sky just is)

10 March 2021 Always

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good morning to you. How are you ? I am better after having a walk with Link this morning! There is something about sunshine and cool weather that just feels good.

Lately I have been listening to Joyce Meter and other pastors a lot and realized with them doing all the talking there isn’t much room for God to speak to me. I decided to ask God this morning on the walk “what is the message for today” and the one word that came through really loud and clear, more than once was the word Always.

“People, places and things may abandon you but I won’t. I will always love you and never abandon you” in the English Ordinal system equals 952 (no, all the senses light and shadow existence – God doesn’t have a body )

That is what I heard God say to me today and I just have to believe it! Now always is a long time but not impossible. God, no matter what name and or face you put on them has been around forever. I believe a promise of forever love, to always be there is a promise God can keep.

I just have to quit expecting a human being to be able to keep such a promise. Human being are fickle and changeable. We are limited by our short years of existence.

The other thing is always is an absolute kind of word. People shouldn’t live in absolutes like always and never but God can. God is absolutely capable of always loving me. Lets see what always is in the numbers:

“always” in the English Ordinal system equals 81 (eternity for one)

9 March 2021 Getting That Sunshiny Feeling

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you today? I hope this finds you well. Today I wanted to talk about a nice yet elusive feeling I got this morning after getting my taxes done at H & R Block. I had been really nervous for weeks leading up to deciding to do my taxes. Turns out there was nothing to really worry about! My little prayer before being called back helped I think!

As I drove home from the appointment, I started to feel that sunshiny feeling in my gut – warmth and relief. Part of me thinks the feeling was also having a sense of accomplishment at completing a task I had been dreading. I even went to our local burger joint and ordered lunch to celebrate!

I have started to notice a pattern for me. I have a habit of making little things big. All I have to do is go through whatever it is and it’s like it was never a big deal after all! I really like the sunshiny feeling ! I think it is good for me to have something to do, may be on a more regular basis (besides taxes!) that evokes these feelings. I will have to pray on it and see what doors God opens!

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“getting that sunshiny feeling” in the English Ordinal system equals 318

8 March 2020 Be still, do nothing and say a prayer

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? Today started out rough. I just didn’t want to do anything but stay in bed. I tried to “scare it away” like before but I just couldn’t shake the feelings I was having. I can’t raise my voice or yell without scaring Link so that’s the other thing. I had about given up on the day when I got a text from a new friend I made from a Codependency telephone group. She was having a rough day herself and just needed to touch base with a friend. Taking in to account something I had just recently heard Joyce Meyer say and what I had learned from my own experience I asked her if she would like to talk about it and so she called me. Sometimes by being a blessing to someone else in a time of need, we ourselves are blessed and such was the case here.

We shared each others problems and whittled them down to the sweet spot – Jesus – God and how sometimes when we don’t know what else to do we just have to be still, do nothing and pray. We decided it would be a good idea to say some prayers about the situation she was facing and it really felt good to do that. In her time of trial she was a blessing to me. Just talking to her got me up and out of bed!

This friend is the second in the past couple of days to tell me why they are a Christian and give their testimony to me. I had prayed about this before bed last night! “God, Jesus, show yourself to me” I believe God answered and these answers actually warmed my heart and gave me hope.

I’m curious what the title I chose reflects in the numbers:

“Be still, do nothing and say a prayer ” in the English Ordinal system equals 333 (yes, no may be x3! not exactly serenity in the numbers) I just looked at phone and it’s 3:33 pm lol go figure.

6 March 2021 Spirit

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Native American Culture, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you? Todays topic arises out of something I watched yesterday – a Pow Wow on Youtube. People participating in the Pow Wow talked about being filled with the Spirit while they danced. I can relate to that feeling. When I used to dance in the backyard in Texas I felt like I was full of the Spirit too. I thought it was interesting that these two are alike in the numbers!

“Jesus Christ” in the English Ordinal system equals 151

“Holy spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 151

Holy Spirit

Holy Spirit

In Abrahamic religions, the Holy Spirit is an aspect or agent of God, by means of which God communicates with people or acts on them.

Great Spirit (slife.org) – click on this link to read more

The Great Spirit, by way of the spiritual leaders, is looked to for spiritual and cultural guidance on both an individual and community level.

Last year about this time I felt like I was full of what I thought was the Spirit. It turns out it was more like I was full of multiple spirits. I found out first hand that if you don’t have a particular path of spirituality, you can get hijacked by spirits and or energies without a form. I found out the air is just full of spirits with voices. I can remember one day a huge flock of blackbirds landed in a tree out back and I started “translating” what they were saying . Another time a spider and it’s baby landed on my arm and they had a voice. Each part of creation is a fragment of God with a voice. I know that sounds weird but that’s what happened. I think this is part of the reason my husband left me because I just wouldn’t shut up! He couldn’t get any sleep. There was always someone wanting to talk from young to old and all sorts of different languages.

What I had done was to ask God to speak to me in a way that I could understand and it turns out EVERYTHING was God and EVERYTHING had something to say! I guess I was porous and was not only surrounded by spirits but they got inside of me. There are so many sources of energy for which a spirit can obtain energy. In reflection of it all, I don’t know if that was just my mind being delusional or if it was a real phenomenon. Since I have been back on my medication this spirit business hasn’t been happening. Be careful what you ask God!

Some of the spirit business was in my dreams last night I had a vivid dream last night about a haunted house, seeing my dog Sam in his yellow hoodie and then wanting to see my husband who looked like Jesus but not being able to see him. Probably just my mind grappling with what was my reality. Before bed I had seen a preview of a Pureflix movie about Jesus and that must have been a key to unlock the dream I had.

I have been praying for a reestablishing of a relationship between me and specifically the Holy Spirit so we’ll see what God has in mind. May be it’s just dreams for now.

5 March 2021 “Get up for your family!”

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you doing today? I hope you are well. I just got done talking with one of my old neighbors about various things to include my having trouble getting up some mornings. She said, “Get up for your family!” I hadn’t thought about it that way before as the only family I have in the house is Link! I have extended family in the area like my Aunt, Uncle, three cousins and their children. I have never thought about having the reason I should get up out of bed be for them!

These problems I have been having in the morning started ever since my husband left me. When we were together I practically jumped out of bed in the morning! I am beginning to think he was my muse about life. It was his love and our relationship that was the inspiration of what happened in my day. I got up to make us breakfast and we got up to walk the dogs together.

Sometimes I set my husband above the place of God in my life.

Now that I am alone, I am realizing the one I am getting up for isn’t any tangible being….it’s the Holy Spirit….it’s God. After all it was God that helped me write the blogs I wrote in the past, draw the pictures, do the chalk drawings and take the photographs . It was the invisible force of God that would give me a subtle nudge one way or another to do some of the most creative things I have done. I kind of forgot to give the glory to God and wasn’t specific about it. I have been praying for God to “show me” again, to re-establish the relationship we had together before everything feel apart. Show me in ways I can understand why I need to get up in the morning – to start my day. I want to be an instrument for God.

I will keep working on getting up for my family and the head of my family is God. God can be where my family cannot.

“get up for your God” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 (month and day I was born!)(light and shadow process, for one, yes, no, may be)

“get up for your family” in the English Ordinal system equals 253 (light and shadow process, all senses, yes, no may be existence)

2 March 2021 Reclaiming Joy

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing in your where and when as you visit me here? I have been having a pretty quiet day listening to some people like Joyce Meyer. One of the things she talks about a lot is how we can get robbed of our joy by “the enemy.” I don’t believe in a Satan, but I do believe for every positive force in the world there is an equal and powerful negative one. So if I am happy for whatever reason, there is an equal unhappy “something” waiting in the wings to swing the pendulum of my life.

So what I do when I feel like I am being robbed of my Joy, (my middle name)is I have to evaluate what’s going on in my life and see if there is anything I can do to “right the ship.” Some of it for me has to with something simple as routines. This morning I didn’t follow the routine of getting up, taking my medications and vitamins, making coffee and eating breakfast. Instead I decided to go and get groceries; something I dread doing. Just this minor change in routine affected my entire day and affected my “joy.”

A big part of reclaiming a sense of joy is to decide I am going to do it. I have to make a conscious decision that I want to be happy instead of dreading life. Lately I have been praying to God, the Holy Spirit in particular, for help with this because I know I can’t get out of the depression rut alone. Remembering to be thankful is a big key when I am in the process of reclaiming joy in life. Simple things like saying thank you for a meal, for a particular place and or person in my life. It’s the little things that add up to make a life worth living. It’s little things that are the building blocks to joy.

I am trying to get in the habit of writing everyday as a form of therapy. If there is anything you would like me to write about please let me know in the comments!

“Reclaiming Joy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 141

In case your curious about Joyce Meyer:

27 Feb 2021 “Why Now?!”

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am still trying to process news I got yesterday about my Dad. He and my Mom decided that in the near future my Dad will be moved into an assisted care facility. It came as kind of a shock. My initial reaction was selfish asking “Why Now?!!” I have just been through so much and am starting to get some semblance of order in my life and then this news!

“You need to Grow More!” Is the answer I heard to my question just as I was about to write this. What else could I possibly have to learn and or grow about God?! I feel like I barely catch my breath from one “learning opportunity” when another one, usually more difficult in nature, shows up. Sometimes it feels like there is no immediate reason things happen in my life. It isn’t until sometimes much later that the answers come.

Part of what is giving a problem is the thought of having to go see my Dad in the condition he’s in. Ever since my last hospitalization, my relationship with my parents has been strained. We haven’t been keeping in touch much and my Dad’s health has gone downhill really fast. I am unprepared for this stage of my life. I’m not ready to grow up! Sadly I have no choice, every grown child that has parents has to face this phase of their life. Even if I am kicking and screaming along the way it’s still going to happen!

Something that comes to me about this and what I am supposed to be learning is forgiveness. There is a lot I haven’t forgiven. So I am going to do a lot of reaching out on this and pray that God gives me guidance and wisdom on how to face this new stage of life.

“Why Now? You need to grow more!” in the English Ordinal system equals 346 (34 = one 46 = body)

24 Feb 2021 Manifestation

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and Good Morning. How are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. I had some cereal and coffee and Link has been out. It’s very cold this morning so the walk will have to wait!

Lately I have been feeling like I am back in “life school.” My Dad told me a long time ago and I believe it, that life is school and we are never out of class. In the past year I have been through some pretty heavy duty courses! I have been going through a divorce, sold a house, bought a house, got my license plates and driver’s license in another state just to name a couple things. The lions share of the course work seems to be about my figuring out how to not be codependent.

It wasn’t until I really started to grieve the lost of my marriage did I realize how codependent of a person I could be. I used to be perfectly fine being alone but that was when I knew I had someone to come back to. Now that I am alone with Link I am having to figure out how to be truly alone. I’m back in school and the class is Manifestation.

I am having to remember I have the power to manifest my reality – I’ve done it before. I did it through writing, art, and various other means to make the reality I wanted to live. When I practiced manifestation before it was trying to bring about the relationship I really wanted. I want to manifest another relationship but before that I want to be healthy in myself. I don’t know if it’s possible to be open for a new relationship and a new life at the same time. I am having to turn to God about this. A couple affirmations from yesterdays reading really stuck out:
*All difficulties between me and ______ are now being healed *The more I love myself the more I love ____.

I love __________and _________ loves me. *Pg 132 Creative Visualization

My temptation was to put my husbands name in the blank spaces but then instead I put God. I want my husband to want me back but his every word and deed is in opposition to that. When you strip away all the possibilities it is God that still remains. When I think of the way things have been the past couple of years, I was married but was spending most of my time with an intangible God. Now is my opportunity to see what it’s like with no one in the way of that relationship. It’s been a rough start but I am coming around to the idea. I want to be complete and whole inside and these thoughts are all part of the manifestation process I’m going through again. The man I want to share my life with must believe in a power greater than himself – God.

So we’ll see what happens in the time that is before me. Lets see what manifestation is in the numbers:

“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

“manifestation” in the English Ordinal system equals 146