31 March 2023 What I wanted to be growing up

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was five or so I wanted to be famous. I used to sing to the neighbor kids using a jump rope handle. I wrote stories to include one about vampires when I was in kindergarten. I also wrote stuff you might see in the Bible at a very young age. It was so good people didn’t believe I wrote it. I had that dream for many years beyond being five! I liked to draw, write, sing and dance. My Mom used to read my stories and something she said always stuck with me, “You don’t have to be famous to be somebody.” Her saying that truly helped me keep things in perspective! She was so right!

I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70’s. We didn’t have The Voice or America’s Got Talent. We had stuff like Solid Gold – I loved the dancing and would try those moves in our living room when I had the house to myself which was quite often as my parents both worked a lot. The other thing I spent a lot of time doing was drawing my favorite musicians like David Bowie for example. I can remember spending hours on just one drawing.

My dream to become famous never happened. I’m glad about it as I don’t think I would have survived to the age I am now! I see what fame does to a lot of people and it’s not pretty most times! With how sensitive I’ve always been I would have been a wreck. I look at people like Michael Jackson, Prince and Chris Cornell to name just a few. Their fame was a source of severe anxiety and public scrutiny.

27 Feb 2021 “Why Now?!”

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am still trying to process news I got yesterday about my Dad. He and my Mom decided that in the near future my Dad will be moved into an assisted care facility. It came as kind of a shock. My initial reaction was selfish asking “Why Now?!!” I have just been through so much and am starting to get some semblance of order in my life and then this news!

“You need to Grow More!” Is the answer I heard to my question just as I was about to write this. What else could I possibly have to learn and or grow about God?! I feel like I barely catch my breath from one “learning opportunity” when another one, usually more difficult in nature, shows up. Sometimes it feels like there is no immediate reason things happen in my life. It isn’t until sometimes much later that the answers come.

Part of what is giving a problem is the thought of having to go see my Dad in the condition he’s in. Ever since my last hospitalization, my relationship with my parents has been strained. We haven’t been keeping in touch much and my Dad’s health has gone downhill really fast. I am unprepared for this stage of my life. I’m not ready to grow up! Sadly I have no choice, every grown child that has parents has to face this phase of their life. Even if I am kicking and screaming along the way it’s still going to happen!

Something that comes to me about this and what I am supposed to be learning is forgiveness. There is a lot I haven’t forgiven. So I am going to do a lot of reaching out on this and pray that God gives me guidance and wisdom on how to face this new stage of life.

Why Now? You need to grow more!” in the English Ordinal system equals 346 (34 = one 46 = body)