14 October 2021 Redirection

Hello to you. How are you ? It’s Thursday already! Didn’t this week go fast? I got out and walked but only made it around once. My knees aren’t being nice to me lately. I also miss having someone to walk with!

So I was having a talk with a friend yesterday who suffers from OCD. It can be quite crippling. He gets stuck in his thoughts and exhausts himself. I suggested to him that when he had these ruminating thoughts he think or say STOP and at that moment put another thought in its place. Kind of like stopping a train on the tracks. When I do this for myself I will insert a thought like, “I don’t want to think about that right now,” “That is not helpful.” It’s kind of like making a new train route in the brain. It’s an attempt to redirect my thoughts.

Each day I have to use the advice I gave my friend . As a bipolar everything is a delicate balance in my life. Living alone I have time to ruminate a lot and a lot of times it’s not helpful stuff I’m ruminating on. When I do this it’s oftentimes very visceral. I feel what I am ruminating about and it makes me feel like gears are slipping in my brain.

With this kind of stuff going on and living alone I find myself turning to God more. I get frustrated though because sometimes it feels like God isn’t there. I know it’s not true but it’s just a feeling. I don’t know if it’s the Covid-19 or what but I have been feeling my mortality so much lately. The world feels fragile, like we are on borrowed time. How is it some people just go through life like there is nothing to worry about ?

Sometimes the gears in my brain feel like they slip

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