Hello to you in your where and when from mine. How are you today? Today was quieter “upstairs” but around lunch time I found some thoughts that came to me. I grabbed a notepad, ironically the one I got from the Veteran’s Land Board folks at the State Fair, and just started writing. I recognize my own experience from what I wrote down. I hope there might be something from my notes today for you too.
25 Oct 2017/1200 pm
We don’t know who we are anymore — roles. Goes back to “label” problem. With labels there are associations made…definitions…color, function and purpose…place in the world. When we don’t match or live up to expectations of our label, we have an identity crisis. With the crisis can come unexpected, previously unaddressed emotions and grief.
Each time we change it’s a sort of “death” to a self we used to be. If we were really attached to our former self and that self “dies” it can be very disorienting, confusing — anger, resentment, betrayal and deep sorrow…lash out, lash in…act out or retract within. This is when addictive and destructive behaviors set in. The seeking of the external to soothe the internal like people, places and things in a feeble attempt to exert influence, power and ultimately control. When control of self is lost, most turn outward. We were and continue to be taught to do that.
AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) helped me with doing that. Sometimes the most dangerous and toxic place to dwell is with ones own company….within ones own mind, body and soul. Especially if there has been “bad programming.”
How then to stay tethered?
Faith and looking to nature is what I’ve come to for myself.
Find the God of your understanding and raise the white flag not out of defeat but surrender. Realize you don’t have all the answers and it’s o.k! Let God be God and show you the way.
Like when I’m drawing a picture or thinking of what to draw and get “stumped.” I’ll hear my inner voice say, “Just draw!” I would say, “Have Faith!” Just be you. We are co-creators in this endeavor of life and as I’ve experienced many times now…I’m not in charge and when I think I “know” I find out I don’t know shit!
There is always more to learn in Earth school!
Dilemma – In spirit