10 Feb 2018 We Lead By Our Example

Hello to you.  Last night Kyle and I watched the Olympics Opening Ceremonies and I was brought to tears by the beauty of what I saw and also very disappointed in my country.  My favorite moments included watching The Map to The Stars – it brought tears to my eyes.  It has been so refreshing for Kyle and I to see new faces, hear new stories and learn about a culture that is so intricately woven into our own.  Kyle even recognized the Cardinal Directions.    He used to buy and read Manga and he introduced me to anime which we both now really enjoy.

http://ecumenicalbuddhism.blogspot.com/2010/02/four-symbols-five-cardinal-directions.html – excerpt, recommend if this peaks your curiosity you read this.

The Four Symbols (Chinese: 四象; pinyin: Sì Xiàng) are four mythological creatures in the Chinese constellations. They are:

  • Azure Dragon of the East (青龍)
  • Vermillion Bird of the South (朱雀)
  • White Tiger of the West (白虎)
  • Black Tortoise of the North (玄武)

Each one of them represents a direction and a season of the year, and each has its own individual characteristics and origins. They have been portrayed in many historical Chinese and Korean myths and fiction, and also appear in many modern Japanese comic books and animation.


9 Feb 2018 – My thoughts lead me to the Akashic records. One of my favorite vampire flicks, Queen of the Damned starred Aaliyah who played Akasha…the Mother of all vamps.

The Box, Map to the Stars reference makes sense to me now as it was part of the Opening Ceremonies for the Winter Games to include a man who sat in a box and I was disappointed in his behavior, #2 Mike Pence.  Here was an opportunity for launching a path to peace and our country made choices to the contrary.  This is what conditional love looks like to me.   Progress not perfection though, at least all the “players” were there and willing to be in the same physical vicinity as one another.   It’s not the “body” that matters, it’s the behavior of the energy wearing the body that does.  Actions speak louder than words.    If you want peace in this world, you are going to have to work a lot harder on your behavior to get it.  It’s about behavior when it comes to the quality of our character not our physical appearance or presence.

13 Oct 2016 – It looks like for this particular game, the white piece defeated another white piece….

 Kim Jong-un’s sister Kim Yo-jong showed great courage to me, a woman, trying to lead by her example and at least try to change the course of history.  When I watched her, I had to smile.  She strikes me as someone with a wicked sense of humor.  I know there are “violations” and “wrongs” that have happened but America has lead by it’s example with blood on the streets every day.  How many mass shootings in just these few days of the year in this country.  We are in no position to judge anyone.

Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.


Winter Olympics 2018: Pence skips dinner with N Koreans

US Vice-President Pence (R) was seated near Kim Jong-un's sister Kim Yo-jong (L) at the opening ceremonyImage copyright AFP/Getty Images
Image caption Kim Jong-un’s sister Kim Yo-jong was seated in the row behind US Vice-President Mike Pence at the opening ceremony

US Vice-President Mike Pence has skipped a dinner at which he was due to share a table with North Korea’s ceremonial head of state Kim Yong-nam.

Mr Pence briefly encountered Mr Kim but they tried to avoid directly facing each other, Yonhap news agency reports.

Later South Korean President Moon Jae-in shook hands with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s sister, Kim Yo-jong, at the Winter Olympics opening ceremony.

The Games are taking place amid tension over North Korea’s nuclear programme.

Mr Yong-nam did briefly meet with United Nations Secretary-General Antonio Guterres at the dinner. According to a UN spokesperson, Mr Guterres reiterated a hope for “peaceful denuclearisation” on the peninsula.

What happened at the dinner?

Mr Pence and Kim Yong-nam were being hosted by President Moon before the opening ceremony in Pyeongchang.

But the US vice-president left the reception venue after five minutes, South Korea’s Yonhap said.

While Mr Moon and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe both shook hands with Mr Kim, Mr Pence did not, South Korean officials said.

Media playback is unsupported on your device

What we’ve seen of Kim Yo-jong from North Korean media

Exit player

Media captionWhat we’ve seen of Kim Yo-jong from North Korean media

At the event Mr Moon said he hoped the Winter Olympics would be remembered as the “day peace began”. He is due to meet the North Korean delegation for talks on Saturday according to Yonhap.

At the opening ceremony, Mr Pence, Kim Yo-jong and Kim Yong-nam were seated in close proximity to each other.

Mr Pence has brought to South Korea as a guest Fred Warmbier, the father of a young American who died after being released from prison in North Korea.

Who is Kim Yo-jong?

The highest profile member of the North Korean delegation to the Games, she is the first immediate member of the North’s ruling family to visit the South since the 1950-1953 Korean war.

Ms Kim, who is said to be very close to her brother, was promoted to the North’s powerful politburo last year.

She is on a US sanctions list over alleged links to human rights abuses in North Korea.

Ms Kim is thought to be about 30 years old, around four years younger than her brother.

Ms Kim (C) shook hands with Mr Moon at the opening ceremonyImage copyright Reuters
Image caption North Korea’s Ms Kim shook hands with South Korea’s Mr Moon at the opening ceremony

Her visit is being seen as a sign that Kim Jong-un is serious about improving ties with the South, the BBC’s South Korea correspondent Laura Bicker reports.

She adds that some are also speculating that Ms Kim might be bringing a message from her brother.

How will the Koreas compete at the Games?

Athletes from both North and South Korea marched under one flag at the opening ceremony, bringing spectators to their feet.

They are also fielding a joint women’s ice hockey team.

Alongside 22 athletes, Pyongyang has sent more than 400 delegates to the Games, including a team of cheerleaders and an orchestra.

North and South Korean athletes marched under one flag at the opening ceremonyImage copyright AFP/Getty
Image caption North and South Korean athletes marched under one flag at the opening ceremony

However the opening ceremony was not shown on North Korean state TV, which was broadcasting patriotic songs and slogans celebrating industry and the armed forces.

Have relations warmed?

Experts have cautioned that the current burst of sports diplomacy does not put an end to underlying regional tensions.

On Thursday North Korea had held a military parade that was originally scheduled for April but was brought forward.

Nevertheless, 2018 has got the countries off on an improved footing.

Kim Jong-un surprised many in his televised new-year speech, when – amid threats against the US – he expressed support for the Winter Olympics and a wish to “melt the frozen North-South relations”.

The South had already said the North would be welcome to send a delegation, but few believed it would happen.

Later in January, a communications hotline was reinstated between the two countries, whose authorities then met for the first high-level talks in two years.

The Korean peninsula has been divided since the 1950-53 war and the two sides have never signed a peace treaty.


9 Feb 2018 Love and Abandonment (Morning meditation)

9 Feb 2018 /1019 am

I was outside preparing to do some “chalking” when a revelation about connection between “wisdom,” Why of Life and Death and Tree of Life came. It was instigated by my finding seeds that blew down from cotton tree to my hoodie. My good friend the cotton tree helping me again. What came brought forth a lot of tears. If I (we as a species) had remained ignorant, didn’t need to find out why (curiosity) I (we) wouldn’t know or care about living and dying. Sentience and consciousness, “awareness” would never have happened and may be we would have been happier — “Ignorance is Bliss” philosophy.

17 May 2017 – Cottonwood seed ships

Love changed everything because with love comes “attachment.” Something I learned more about through Buddhism’s the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold Path. When you lose something or someone you love more than “existence” you will tear heaven and earth apart to find it, reclaim it. What I was willing to do at Mesa Springs when I didn’t know where Kyle was. What happened to me for 3 years after we lost our Sammy.

Source Internet: Seed of Life. I loved that this is made in stained glass with chakra colors.

Abandonment creates some of the largest energy vortexes, human black holes. It can be “perceived” or intentional abandonment but the abandoned feel it all the same. Why?!Where did you go?! When are you coming back?! Will you come back?!

(My mother, my Grandparents….all those I’ve loved and lost for whatever reason. I had to grieve and heal — fill the holes their “abandonment of me” left behind.

All of us have lost people, places and things through our shared journey. Are we so attached to these that we are willing to destroy ourselves and a planet to retrieve them? This is just what I see for myself. I hope there is something in this morning meditation that resonates with you….is helpful. I would ask you, what positive, loving aspect of existence can you put in the “holes” some sort of abandonment has made in your mind, body and most importantly your soul?

What do I do? All through my blogs here is what I’ve learned to do for myself with unseen guidance and loving nudges from the tangible elements that surround me. The arts, meaningful work, chores, spirituality, helping others and educating myself about people, places and things I don’t understand before making judgements about them. It is in the latter I have come to realize I can judge no one nor is there anyone on this earth who can either. We are all imperfect and it is in that imperfection we are amazing creations capable of greatness beyond our wildest dreams. We are here for each other. No one person can fix this shared mess our world has become. We must learn to build bridges instead of more walls.

17-feb-2011-my-puppy-sammy-and-his-tennis-ball (Sammy crossed the rainbow bridge 27 April 2011)

My Mom Jeanne and my Grandpa Harold (Hal) Becker on her wedding day, 21 Nov 1965.

8 Feb 2018 Dr. Wilhelm Reich books The Cancer biopathy and Function of the Orgasm Alvarado TX

8 Feb 2018 Jackie Wygant Blue Book for Alcoholics Anonymous Alvarado TX meditation about addiction like sugar etc

8 Feb 2018 Two books from Grandma Becker and Aunt Ruth to help me heal inside when I was younger I read from How to Be your own best friend out loud Alvarado TX

1 Feb 2018 Life and Art

Hello there.  It’s 7:50 am on this Thursday morning as I write to you.  I hope you are well.  I had a frustrating time last night trying to get good pictures of the rare moon lol.  This drawing about sums it up:

31 Jan 2018 – drawing I did yesterday afternoon. Well later in the evening, when I was fighting with my Nikon to get pictures of the lovely moon, the figure in this drawing makes me think of how frustrated I was lol. People kept driving by each time I was trying to concentrate and it wasn’t their fault, just frustrating living behind a busy road!

Anyhew, we then tried to watch Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales and that didn’t help my mood either.  Kyle will probably be finishing it by himself.  He’s more of a fan of the Pirates theme then I am.  I showed Kyle the drawing I had done earlier.  Many of the themes in it were like what we were watching in the movie that ironically had the Blood Moon as part of the story, “the compass in the eye”:

31 Jan 2018 – My drawing yesterday, Convergence, which seems to have a lot of elements from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie Dead Men Tell No Tales Kyle, at random, decided we were going to watch last night. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean:_Dead_Men_Tell_No_Tales

The dream I had before waking was interesting.  There was something about a pretty girl in a library who could sing.  I wanted to get to know her and get closer, but another guy was in the way blocking me.  He even put his feet in my face saying in an irritated voice, “Do you mind?!”   Then there was the part with other kids in the library and my telling them everything is energy, everything is alive, “Just look at the core of the earth!  All living things have souls!”

This dream calls to mind the stories from the show Glee.  There were many relationship rivalries to include what was going on with Corey Monteith and Mark Salling and their characters in the show.  How difficult it must be for actors and actresses to just turn on and turn off  their emotions.   What if something real evolves but it is not reciprocated or too many would be harmed to go any further?  This problem resonates with me and my own experience playing FFXI.  I was married when I met Kyle online and initially we were just role playing and then it evolved.  A lot of damage was done to make our relationship happen.  We both have paid for our choice but do I regret it?  No.  That’s my honest answer.  The only thing I regret, is hurting my ex-husband.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and have had to pay for them in one way or another – my conscience, my heart and the God of my understanding won’t allow for anything else.  When you do something wrong, you have to own it and do the best you can to make amends to those you have harmed in doing that wrong.  You don’t pile new wrongs on top and bury things.  Burying your poor choices just makes it worse.

31 Jan 2018 – Only picture that turned out from last night and ironically the background is bluer than the actual moon lol.

2 Jan 2018 Super Moon and Sum of the parts (Drawing)

1 Jan 2018 – When I drew this yesterday I didn’t consciously know about the coming Super Moon. When I added the white dots for stars I guess I should of got a clue lol. This figure is very Marilyn Monroey to me and I also was thinking of the Woman in White but had more pink chalk than white.

1 Jan 2018 – view of the Wolf or Super Moon from our back yard. I am experimenting with Nikon my in-laws gave me. Need more practice. I used to use cameras with light filters! We are so spoiled now aren’t we?!

1 Jan 2018 – I loved that I was on my computer and turned to see the moon watching over my shoulder through the window! So beautiful!

1 Jan 2018 – Drawing I did yesterday afternoon. The thoughts of “sum of the parts” came to mind. How with the light and shadow parts of ourselves we are one body trying to navigate this complex existence.

These folks had some great pictures people around the world took of the Wolf or Super Moon if you are curious.

My favorite was this one:

Source Earthsky article: moon-full-supermoon-1-1-2018-Prague-Czech-Republic-Raymond-Johnston-e1514850292329

Raymond Johnston caught the January 1, 2018 supermoon from Prague, Czech Republic.


See it! New Year’s supermoon

By Deborah Byrd in Human World | Today’s Image | January 2, 2018

What a great way to start 2018! Photos here from the EarthSky community of 2018’s closest and brightest supermoon. Thanks to all who submitted, and happy new year to all!

My prayers go out to those in this world that have a new year already filled with struggle, strife, sorrow and tragedies.  It seems inescapable except for one place of our choosing – within.  I revisited a mantra this morning, thanks to noticing someone visited a blog I wrote a couple of years ago (thank you mystery person!).   I need to make it a resolution for this year.

Yesterday I was outside and the sky was clear for the first day in a couple of weeks and sure enough, the “sprayers” came and just pooped all over the clear sky!  Oh I was angry!  I allowed myself to be angry about something I’m pretty much powerless to do anything about.  I had some ideas in my fit of anger of course, but any of those would involve me spending the rest of my existence behind bars!  I think focusing on this line of thinking in the mantra from this old blog is a much better idea.  Getting angry at people, who Kyle suspects don’t even know are doing this – they are just flying their planes because they can, is like drinking someone else’s poison expecting to cure yourself!!

This picture is an example of what the “sprayers” do:

25 Nov 2017 – all the crap in the sky yesterday morning. Sometimes I wonder if they aren’t doing a sky sweeping to clean it because there hasn’t been any rain coming from this activity.


“It doesn’t matter what THEY are doing, what matters is what I am doing. What matters is how I react, think and feel and do in my day to day life.   I will pray for the greatest good that can be for my fellow beings that seem to have thrown away their hearts for money, wealth and power and hope the Source, “God” of all my understanding is more forgiving than I can ever hope to be.”

27 Dec 2017 Peace Fragile As Glass and Metallica – The Unforgiven (Video)

Hello to you.  It’s 7:55 am as I write from here.  Another gray and cold day it looks like!  We had a nice holiday with Kyle’s family and got to see Link’s (and ours) family for a short visit before they headed back to Oklahoma.  Erin talked me into reactivating my Facebook account to keep in touch.  I went through and basically sterilized whatever I’m following.  Got what shows up in my feed to mostly just family and friends versus famous people who don’t have anything to do with the pages in their names.  I’m sure I won’t be missed lol.  I also whittled out a bunch of other stuff that I allow to depress and anger me.  Testing the waters!  I go back in knowing full well that I chose to do so.

This morning I had something interesting happen when I tried to attach a star to a tree of life I had made that hangs on my bathroom mirror.  Just as I tried to attach the “broken star”, the glass peace symbol I’ve shared here before fell off and shattered!  I cut myself trying to pick up the pieces.  Is this symbolic or what?!  It was to me.  Peace is as fragile as glass and if you wreck it, there is bloodshed!


David Mitchell

“Glass & peace alike betray proof of fragility under repeated blows.”

David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

Yesterday I moved a bunch of “my stuff” into what was Amber and May’s room aka “the cat room”.  When I tried to remove the cat tree, I felt what I would describe as a “claw to my heart” and I burst into tears!  Yep….felt a physical pain in my heart at the mere thought of removing the tree.  So that tells me I’m still grieving and need to wait before passing the tree on to our friend Rhonda’s two cat boys Gio and Cocoa!
Dreamt about going to see Metallica this morning.  What’s funny is Kyle is the one who has seen them live!
Metallica – The Unforgiven (Video)

METALLICA – The Unforgiven Lyrics


Album: The Black Album

Genre: Rock

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he’s subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules

With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on

He’s known, a vow unto his own
That never from this day, his will they’ll take away

What I’ve felt, what I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never be, never see
Won’t see what might have been

What I’ve felt, what I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never free, never me
So I dub thee unforgiven

They dedicate their lives
To running all of his
He tries to please them all
This bitter man he is

Throughout his life the same
He’s battled constantly
This fight, he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares

The old man then prepares
To die regretfully, that old man here is me

What I’ve felt, what I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never be, never see
Won’t see what might have been

What I’ve felt, what I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never free, never me
So I dub the unforgiven

You labeled me, I’ll label you
So I dub the unforgiven

22 Dec 2017 Casting parts – All the World is a Stage (Dream)….Time (Hans Zimmer)

*edited 17 Jan 2018

Hello to you.  It’s 6:35 am in my here and now and it’s raining again.  I looked out and the handsome man I had drawn yesterday was washed away.  A space made for a new drawing….fresh canvas when the weather finally clears.  Not complaining about the weather – very grateful for the rain in light of California being burned to ash.  I’m pretty sure they would welcome our steady rains!

The dreams were interesting and in unusual fashion, kept to a particular theme – role casting.  I’m not quite sure what part was being cast but there were lots of phone calls being made.  A message that came through was how if you keep casting the same people, big names, you never get new talent.  New talent never gets a chance.  There was something about a woman with a circle.  The words “green tea” or “green toe” were written around the circle.  Then I heard a bell tone or chime sound like I’ve heard before but it was in the dream not with my ears like before.  What came to me was this dream wasn’t just about the arts – movie casting – this is about all parts people are cast for.  It’s about giving people a chance.  The world is a stage came to me after I finished jotting my notes.

Yesterday when I was out looking at the clouds and talking to the God of my understanding as I often do, I was thinking about this subject.  How it feels like we are all born to play a part and even equipped to do it but once we “get here” we aren’t always allowed to manifest into those parts.  We are obstructed either by the world or by our own personal acts of sabotage.   Then we get to where I am, about mid-life, look in the mirror with the world racing beyond us and can sometimes feel useless and like a waste of flesh.   It is so rare in this world to see people who get to “just be” who they were always meant to be.

“What the fuck am I here for anyways?!  I thought I knew but everyone said no….then I began to say no too…and here I am in the knowing of what “no” truly means.  We don’t have all the time in the world to build and live our dreams.  Mortality, the cruel rub of sentient-hood.”

Anyhew…..in my own way, I’m finding a way to truly manifest completely into who I was sent here to be in spite of obstructions outside of me or inside of me.  God is very patient with me, the long-time patient.


As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII [All the world’s a stage]

William Shakespeare, 1564 – 1616

Jaques to Duke Senior

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.

Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,

Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad

Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,

Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,

Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lined,

With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances;

And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Lines 139-166. This poem is in the public domain.

I chose a couple different examples of people speaking this work out loud.

Monologues by Pedro Louis “All the world’s a stage.”

All the World’s A Stage (The Seven Stages of Man) – Shrewsbury School Variety Show 2014

Hans Zimmer – Time

6 Dec 2017 Pete Davidson (SNL) Survivor of 9/11

For the past couple of days I have been trying to soothe Kyle and I with our recent loss by turning to one of the greatest medicines on earth – laughter through comedy.  Yesterday afternoon and this morning we’ve been watching Saturday Night Live skits on You Tube.  In particular we love the videos with Pete Davidson and his portrayal of a character named Chad.  The first time we were introduced to Pete and this character was when one of my favorite actors, Benedict Cumberbatch, was hosting the show.

This is the video where we first met Pete and his hilarious character Chad:

Office Hours – SNL
Published on Feb 21, 2017

A professor’s (Benedict Cumberbatch) chats with a student (Pete Davidson) help him realize something about himself.

Get more SNL: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live
Full Episodes: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-liv…

I was surprised to find this video this morning:

Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Mental Health – SNL
Published on Oct 7, 2017

Pete Davidson explains how SNL could help ease his depression.


After watching this, I wasn’t sure if it was entirely fact or just another skit and decided to see if there was any information and found this Rolling Stone article:


‘Saturday Night Live’ Star Pete Davidson: I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Comedian explains he originally thought his mental breakdowns were caused by weed

and then I found this US Magazine article.  When I put it all together, this helps me understand why Pete might be having problems with depression!  He lost his Dad, Scott Davidson, a fire fighter to 9/11! Pete’s mental, spiritual and physical reaction to this horrific experience and loss makes perfect sense to me.


Celebrity News

Pete Davidson, Who Lost His Dad in Terrorist Attack, Responds to Steve Rannazzisi’s 9/11 Lies

By Rachel McRady
September 16, 2015

Comedian Steve Rannazzisi’s lies hit a little too close to home for Saturday Night Live newbie Pete Davidson. On Wednesday, Sept. 16, after Rannazzisi, 37, released a public statement saying he’d lied about being in the World Trade Center on 9/11, Davidson took to Twitter to give The League star a piece of his mind.

“It’s ok @SteveRannazzisi people make mistakes … Can’t wait to meet my dad for lunch later,” the SNL actor, 21, tweeted.

Davidson’s father, Scott Davidson, was a firefighter who died after rushing to the scene on Sept. 11, 2001.

Rannazzisi missed Davidson’s dark humor, tweeting, “thank you pete. i really appreciate it,” which the SNL star retweeted, writing, “I think you missed the point…” Rannazzisi later deleted his tweet.

Davidson later tweeted, “All kidding aside this @SteveRannazzisi story sucks because he’s actually a funny comic and I love The League. It’s f—ked up.”

Fortunately, Rannazzisi attempted to right his wrong, and Davidson gave an update to his 175,000-plus followers.

“Take it easy on @SteveRannazzisi … He reached out to me and is truly sorry,” he tweeted. “We all sometimes lie and exaggerate a story to seem cooler …Unfortunately this is a very touchy topic n very near n dear 2 peoples hearts.Its years later but he apologized n owned up 2 it like a man.”

This young man is a classic example of what such things do to people, to families, to countries….to an entire world.  It eviscerates our very souls.  Pete is an example of not giving up, asking for help when you need it and trying to give back as you heal yourself.   I think his Dad would be proud of him – he is a survivor!

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?


Borderline Personality Disorder


Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.

Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.

While mental health experts now generally agree that the label “borderline personality disorder” is very misleading, a more accurate term does not exist yet.

Signs and Symptoms

People with borderline personality disorder may experience extreme mood swings and can display uncertainty about who they are. As a result, their interests and values can change rapidly.

Other symptoms include:

  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
  • A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
  • Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self
  • Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
  • Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
  • Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
  • Having stress-related paranoid thoughts
  • Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality

Seemingly ordinary events may trigger symptoms. For example, people with borderline personality disorder may feel angry and distressed over minor separations—such as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plans—from people to whom they feel close. Studies show that people with this disorder may see anger in an emotionally neutral face and have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder.

Some of these signs and symptoms may be experienced by people with other mental health problems—and even by people without mental illness—and do not necessarily mean that they have borderline personality disorder. It is important that a qualified and licensed mental health professional conduct a thorough assessment to determine whether a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder or other mental disorder is warranted, and to help guide treatment options when appropriate.

Tests and Diagnosis

Unfortunately, borderline personality disorder is often underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed. A licensed mental health professional experienced in diagnosing and treating mental disorders—such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker—can diagnose borderline personality disorder based on a thorough interview and a comprehensive medical exam, which can help rule out other possible causes of symptoms.

The licensed mental health professional may ask about symptoms and personal and family medical histories, including any history of mental illnesses. This information can help the mental health professional decide on the best treatment. In some cases, co-occurring mental illnesses may have symptoms that overlap with borderline personality disorder, making it difficult to distinguish borderline personality disorder from other mental illnesses. For example, a person may describe feelings of depression but may not bring other symptoms to the mental health professional’s attention.

Research funded by NIMH is underway to look for ways to improve diagnosis of and treatments for borderline personality disorder, and to understand the various components of borderline personality disorder and other personality disorders such as impulsivity, relationship problems, and emotional instability.

Risk Factors

The causes of BPD are not yet clear, but research suggests that genetic, brain, environmental and social factors are likely to be involved.

  • Genetics. BPD is about five times more likely to occur if a person has a close family member (first-degree biological relatives) with the disorder.
  • Environmental and Social Factors. Many people with BPD report experiencing traumatic life events, such as abuse or abandonment during childhood. Others may have been exposed to unstable relationships and hostile conflicts. However, some people with BPD do not have a history of trauma. And, many people with a history of traumatic life events do not have BPD.
  • Brain Factors. Studies show that people with BPD have structural and functional changes in the brain, especially in the areas that control impulses and emotional regulation. However, some people with similar changes in the brain do not have BPD. More research is needed to understand the relationship between brain structure and function and BPD.

Research on BPD is focused on examining biological and environmental risk factors, with special attention on whether early symptoms may emerge at a younger age than previously thought. Scientists are also studying ways to identify the disorder earlier in adolescents.

Treatments and Therapies

BPD has historically been viewed as difficult to treat. However, with newer and proper treatment, many people with BPD experience fewer or less severe symptoms and an improved quality of life. Many factors affect the length of time it takes for symptoms to improve once treatment begins, so it is important for people with BPD and their loved ones to be patient and to receive appropriate support during treatment. People with BPD can recover.

If you think you have BPD, it is important to seek treatment.

NIMH-funded studies indicate that BPD patients who never recovered may be more likely to develop other chronic medical conditions and are less likely to make healthy lifestyle choices. BPD is also associated with a high rate of self-harm and suicidal behavior.

If you are thinking about harming yourself or attempting suicide, tell someone who can help right away. Call your licensed mental health professional if you are already working with one. If you are not already working with a licensed mental health professional, call your personal physician or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

If a loved one is considering suicide, do not leave him or her alone. Try to get your loved one to seek immediate help from his or her doctor or the nearest hospital emergency room, or call 911. Remove any access he or she may have to firearms or other potential tools for suicide, including medications, sharp edges such as knives, ropes, or belts.

If you or a loved one are in crisis: Call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential.

The treatments described below are just some of the options that may be available to a person with BPD. However, the research on treatments is still in very early stages. More research is needed to determine the effectiveness of these treatments, who may benefit the most, and how best to deliver treatments.


Psychotherapy (or “talk therapy”) is the main treatment for people with BPD. Current research suggests psychotherapy can relieve some symptoms, but further studies are needed to better understand how well psychotherapy works.

Psychotherapy can be provided one-on-one between the therapist and the patient or in a group setting. Therapist-led group sessions may help teach people with BPD how to interact with others and how to express themselves effectively. It is important that people in therapy get along with and trust their therapist. The very nature of BPD can make it difficult for people with this disorder to maintain a comfortable and trusting bond with their therapist.

Types of psychotherapy used to treat BPD include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help people with BPD identify and change core beliefs and/or behaviors that underlie inaccurate perceptions of themselves and others and problems interacting with others. CBT may help reduce a range of mood and anxiety symptoms and reduce the number of suicidal or self-harming behaviors.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): This type of therapy utilizes the concept of mindfulness, or being aware of and attentive to the current situation and moods. DBT also teaches skills to control intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. DBT differs from CBT in that it integrates traditional CBT elements with mindfulness, acceptance, and techniques to improve a person’s ability to tolerate stress and control his or her emotions. DBT recognizes the dialectical tension between the need for acceptance and the need for change.
  • Schema-Focused Therapy: This type of therapy combines elements of CBT with other forms of psychotherapy that focus on reframing schemas, or the ways people view themselves. This approach is based on the idea that BPD stems from a dysfunctional self-image—possibly brought on by negative childhood experiences—that affects how people react to their environment, interact with others, and cope with problems or stress.
  • Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS) is a type of group therapy that aims to educate family members, significant others, and health care professionals about BPD and gives them guidance on how to interact consistently with the person with the disorder using the STEPPS approach and terminology. STEPPS is designed to supplement other treatments the patient may be receiving, such as medication or individual psychotherapy.

Families of people with BPD may also benefit from therapy. The challenges of dealing with a loved one with BPD on a daily basis can be very stressful, and family members may unknowingly act in ways that worsen their relative’s symptoms. Some therapies include family members in treatment sessions. These types of programs help families develop skills to better understand and support a relative with BPD. Other therapies focus on the needs of family members and help them understand the obstacles and strategies for caring for a loved one with BPD. Although more research is needed to determine the effectiveness of family therapy in BPD, studies on other mental disorders suggest that including family members can help in a person’s treatment.

Other types of psychotherapy may be helpful for some people with BPD. Therapists often adapt psychotherapy to better meet a person’s needs. Therapists may also switch from one type of psychotherapy to another, mix techniques from different therapies, or use a combination of psychotherapies. For more information, please see the NIMH webpage on Psychotherapies.


Medications should not be used as the primary treatment for BPD as the benefits are unclear. However, in some cases, a mental health professional may recommend medications to treat specific symptoms, such as mood swings, depression, or other disorders that may occur with BPD. Treatment with medications may require care from more than one medical professional.

Because of the high risk of suicide among people with BPD, health care providers should exercise caution when prescribing medications that may be lethal in the event of an overdose.

Certain medications can cause different side effects in different people. Talk to your doctor about what to expect from a particular medication.

Other Treatments

Some people with BPD experience severe symptoms and require intensive, often inpatient, care. Others may use some outpatient treatments but never need hospitalization or emergency care. Although in rare cases, some people who develop this disorder may improve without any treatment, most people benefit from and improve their quality of life by seeking treatment.

Finding Help

More information about finding a health care provider or treatment for mental disorders in general is available on our Finding Help for Mental Illness webpage. You may also find additional information through the NIMH Outreach Partners or the NIMH National Partners.

How can I help a friend or relative who has BPD?

If you know someone who has BPD, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do is help your friend or relative get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment and go with your friend or relative to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment or to seek different treatment if symptoms do not appear to improve with the current treatment.

To help a friend or relative you can:

  • Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement—change can be difficult and frightening to people with BPD, but it is possible for them to get better over time.
  • Learn about mental disorders, including BPD, so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing.
  • With written permission from your friend or loved one, talk with his or her therapist to learn about therapies that may involve family members. Alternatively, you can encourage your loved one who is in treatment for BPD to ask about family therapy.
  • Seek counseling from your own therapist about helping a loved one with BPD. It should not be the same therapist that your loved one with BPD is seeing.

Never ignore comments about someone’s intent or plan to harm himself or herself or someone else. Report such comments to the person’s therapist or doctor. In urgent or potentially life-threatening situations, you may need to call the police or dial 911.

How can I help myself if I have BPD?

Although it may take some time, you can get better with treatment. To help yourself:

  • Talk to your doctor about treatment options and stick with treatment.
  • Try to maintain a stable schedule of meals and sleep times.
  • Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress.
  • Set realistic goals for yourself.
  • Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can, as you can.
  • Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or family member.
  • Tell others about events or situations that may trigger symptoms.
  • Expect your symptoms to improve gradually over time, not immediately. Be patient.
  • Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.
  • Continue to educate yourself about this disorder.
  • Don’t drink alcohol or use illicit drugs – they will likely make things worse

Clinical Trials

What are Clinical Trials?

Clinical trials are research studies that look at new ways to prevent, detect, or treat diseases and conditions, including BPD. During clinical trials, treatments might be new drugs or new combinations of drugs, new surgical procedures or devices, or new ways to use existing treatments. The goal of clinical trials is to determine if a new test or treatment works and is safe. Although individual participants may benefit from being part of a clinical trial, participants should be aware that the primary purpose of a clinical trial is to gain new scientific knowledge so that others may be better helped in the future.

Research on BPD treatment is focused on the development and evaluation of psychotherapy and pharmacological interventions to prevent self-harming and suicidal behaviors, which occur at a higher rate among people with BPD.

Please note: Decisions about whether to participate in a clinical trial and which trial may be best suited for you should be made in collaboration with your licensed health professional.

How do I find Clinical Trials at NIMH/NIH on Borderline Personality Disorder?

Scientists at the NIH campus conduct research on numerous areas of study, including cognition, genetics, epidemiology, and psychiatry. The studies take place at the NIH Clinical Center in Bethesda, Maryland and require regular visits. After the initial phone interview, you will come to an appointment at the clinic and meet with one of our clinicians. Find NIH-funded studies currently recruiting participants with BPD by using ClinicalTrials.gov (search: BPD). NIH also supports clinical trials nationwide and in other countries.

How Do I Find a Clinical Trial Near Me?

To search for a clinical trial near you, you can visit ClinicalTrials.gov. This is a searchable registry and results database of federally and privately supported clinical trials conducted in the United States and around the world. ClinicalTrials.gov gives you information about a trial’s purpose, who may participate, locations, and phone numbers for more details. This information should be used in conjunction with advice from health professionals.

Learn More

Federal Resources

Related NIMH Booklets and Brochures

  • Eating Disorders: About More Than Food: A brochure about the common eating disorders anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder, and various approaches to treatment.
  • Depression: What You Need to Know: This booklet contains information on depression including signs and symptoms, treatment and support options, and a listing of additional resources.

Last Revised: August 2016

Unless otherwise specified, NIMH information and publications are in the public domain and available for use free of charge. Citation of the NIMH is appreciated. Please see our Citing NIMH Information and Publications page for more information.


1 Dec 2017 Morning Meditation

Hello to you. How are you doing in your present moment as you visit here? I hope you are less conflicted inside than I am! I am excited about seeing Lindsey Stirling tonight and sad with the news that our neighbors sister died yesterday after not recovering from complications due to an automobile accident! Rhonda was apt to remind me there are pills for my being happy and sad at the same time. I reminded her I’m taking some of those and it’s not helping with my predicament today!

There are more than a few things just popping some pill or another won’t provide any sort of consolation for. Coping with mixed emotions is an inside job to tackle with the God of your understanding if you have one or spending time in prayer, meditation, a long walk….for some to even smoke some weed! It’s important to allow ourselves to feel emotions and not just use people, places and things to obstruct or mask the experience. We are human beings and having feelings is part of being human!

Had an early morning wake up, like 1:38 am or so. It was like someone was standing right next to my side of the bed with a cup of prepared coffee! The mystery kind of got solved when I let the dogs out later and smelled the same sort of smell outside. Must have got into the house via our HVAC system or something.

So this morning’s meditation included my cards and a map of the United States I got from the Sierra Club many years ago. The messages spoke to me but also seemed to speak to what I see is happening these days in our country…in our world. I want to stress cards of any kind and there are millions of different types people use, are just tools. Sometimes I feel like my chalk drawings are too ambiguous and vague. Adding the cards lately is helping things get more specific.

It’s important to not read too much into such things..the phrase “self-fulfilling prophecy” comes to mind. There is always a fork in the road and we can choose, at any moment, which road to take.

1 Dec 2017 – overall reading

1 Dec 2017 – closer look at the cards ad their positions. The direction, facing up or down, changes the overall meaning.

8 of Cups face up- Tells you you will get what you’ve hoped for, but you may be being over-cautious

8 of Swords face down – Warns of unexpected calamities

Knight of Cups face up- Most often represents a lover, or the messenger of true love

8 of Wands face up – This is a time to take action, to be hopeful, to plan your next moves.

2 of Wands face down – Portends something unexpected will happen or enter the picture, or loss or failure in your new enterprise

Ace of Swords face up – Represents triumph by force

3 of Wands face up – Problems can be resolved if the person remains calm, dignified, intelligent

The World face down – Symbolizes complete mastery and understanding of your own inner nature and of the forces surrounding you

3 of Swords face up – Indicates the disintegration of alliances

6 of Swords face down – Indicates a journey, or visitor or message

Special: 5 of Wands face up – Signifies Greed, competition for financial gain, hardship

1 Dec 2017 – the “special” card today speaks directly to America.

The drawings that came up, especially the one with Vladimir Putin dressed in the colors of our flag, political parties and surrounded in “Cheeto Orange” comes with messages that resonated with me with the recent indictment of Michael Flynn. The messages, “They all play in this game” and “Takes many sheep to make a lamb” were what came forth after the poor drawing of Putin. In my perception, it’s not fair to just go after one person when so many are probably involved with this whole thing.  I think it’s important for transparency in this whole issue and to focus on how to make these wrongs right instead of just tearing more people and this country apart.   Sometimes looking at or hearing the news headlines in this country seems like what it may have been for the Romans in their Colosseums!  Just watching people being shredded alive!  Only in our day an age it isn’t flesh being ripped apart by lions, it’s their characters…their very souls. 

1 Dec 2017 – this poor rendering of Vladimir Putin dressed in red white blue and surrounded by Cheeto orange and the messages that came are about how it seems a lamb is chosen to take the fall for everyone and no one ultimately benefits from this. Everyone involved should be held in account!

1 Dec 2017 – my dream has always been a unified earth. Enemies we all share Greed Hate and Fear, Fear being the worst in my feeling. This is me ruminating about the plethora of sexual misconduct allegations we are seeing that are destroying people’s lives. We have to be careful about this tactic.

The other messages pertains to what is going on with people, mostly men, being ripped apart and their legacies laid waste with sexual misconduct allegations. It came to me, as someone who has experienced sexual misconduct many times in my life, that bringing such things to light out of a heartspace of spite does no one any good. It’s just pouring more gasoline on a fire. We don’t heal as a nation and a people by attacking each other out of spite and vengeance.

http://variety.com/2017/politics/news/michael-flynn-guilty-charged-russia-probe-1202627430/ – use link for complete article

Michael Flynn Pleads Guilty to Lying to FBI in Russia Probe

WASHINGTON — Michael Flynn, President Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, plead guilty to one count to lying to the FBI as part of an agreement reached with Special Counsel Robert Mueller in his probe into Russian interference in the 2016 election.

Mueller charged Flynn with “willfully and knowingly” making false statements to the FBI regarding his conversations with Russia’s ambassador, Sergey Kislyak.


I told Kyle this morning that in a way, despite how ugly this whole year has been in this country, I am becoming almost grateful for it.  I am seeing it has been the sort of humbling experience this country has needed for a very long time.  We can learn from what is happening in this literal and figurative dismantling of America.  We can come together as a nation and instead of rebuilding other countries as we’ve done in the past after wars….begin to rebuild ours in peaceful cooperation with the rest of this world.   


1 Dec 2017 – this was the last drawing and looking at it after talking to our neighbor about the tragic loss of his sister makes me wonder if this was for her.

19 Nov 2017 Drawings and In Shadow (Lubomir Arsov animated film, Flowart station)

Hello to you.  Just a quick post.  Sharing a couple of drawings and a link for a short film Flowart Station (here on WordPress) also shared called In Shadow.  They had it on You tube also, so sharing it from there.  It’s not an easy film to watch but sometimes we can gain insight from watching such things.  My husband and I really like the animated film genre, so this resonated with us on many levels.  If you aren’t into animated films, this might be the introduction you need to explore the genre.

– Link to Flowart Station Magazine post to view it on Vimeo:

IN-SHADOW – This impressive short film is a violent criticism against capitalism

Published on Nov 13, 2017

Embark on a visionary journey through the fragmented unconscious of the west, and with courage face the Shadow. From Shadow into Light.

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
-C.G. Jung

Written, Directed & Produced by Lubomir Arsov
Original Soundtrack “Age of Wake” by Starward Projections
Composited by Sheldon Lisoy
Additional Compositing by Hiram Gifford
Art Directed & Edited by Lubomir Arsov

Gallery quality ART PRINTS available here: https://www.inprnt.com/gallery/inshadow/

Film Website: https://www.inshadow.net/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/inshadowmovie/
Music Composers: https://www.starwardprojections.com/
Contact: light@inshadow.net

© Lubomir Arsov 2017

IN-SHADOW – This impressive short film is a violent criticism against capitalism