12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends (edited version 17 April 2018)

(edited 17 April 2018)

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    The living room the dream was in, was like mine but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike” which is a phrase I have heard from poet Maya Angelou.  It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.


The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.  There are a lot of people I admire, of many different walks of life, that wear those sort of glasses so it could have been anyone.

Recently I bought a book about the life of Albert Einstein written by Elma Ehrlich Levinger from Half Price Books in Burleson TX.  I haven’t quite finished it, but what I have read so far has been very interesting.  I remember hearing or reading something about him saying that he hoped when he closed his eyes after looking at the moon that it would still be there when he opened his eyes.  He would have been an interesting person that I would have liked to meet to talk to him about my perception of God as energy.  I have had many people teach me about energy.  One recent person was Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.   I really enjoyed season 1 of his show and learned a lot from it and also his web site.  He taught me about better ways to walk our dogs by understanding that our state of mind when we walk our dogs can literally be sent through the leash to the dog we are walking.  I had at one time expressed a hope that he could come to Alvarado TX and help our Animal Control folks with all the large dogs they are having to find homes for.

Before Cesar was a man named Nikola Tesla.  Nikola is a man from history that I feel is so important and I am so grateful he existed.   Many years ago, I lived in Colorado Springs Colorado where they had a museum dedicated to his work there.  I regret never having made the time to go and see it.  He is a man from history, along with several others, that I kind of had a crush on lol.  I think this is because they remind me of my Dad when he was a young man.  My Dad was very handsome when he was younger and like me, didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the person he was then.  My Dad did his very best to make sure I had food, clothing and shelter all by himself and this was very difficult.

I’m not very close with the family of my past for many reasons.  Since moving here to Texas, I have had several problems that were similar in nature to what my Mom Jeanne went through.  I think, but do not know for certain, that this might be a contributing factor to our distance.  When I am around family and people from my past, old baggage gets unpacked in my head and this is very difficult for me.  I am hoping that for my future, I can get a fresh start.

To close, something really important about what I’ve shared here is principles I learned from attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.   In AA we learned about the 12 steps and also about making amends to those we have harmed.  Sometimes, I have found from my own experience, it can do more harm than good to make amends with some people.  Sometimes it’s better if you just go your own separate ways.  I have had to do a lot of healing on my own, away from the people of my past.  Having those same people back into my life would possibly cause me more personal harm than good.  It’s not to say I don’t want that the people from my past to exist and have their own lives, they just don’t have to be part of my current life.  It is my right as a human being to decide who is and who isn’t part of my life.

There are people in the world I haven’t met yet that I would like to meet.  I will turn this over to the care of the God of my understanding, energy.  I hope something here has resonated with you.  This edit, 17 April 2018, is me revisiting past blogs that I have here and providing more details or context.  I am not a healthcare professional, a doctor, a scientist or anyone like that.  Please, as you read what I write here, use discernment and or critical thinking.  Read and then decide for yourself if this resonates with you.  If it does not, please keep searching for your messenger.   Whatever I share here comes from one place, my heart and love energy.

My husband and I go over these blogs before I write them and he sometimes reads them on his own.  I hope reader that you have a good support system to help you today.

(A personal request I have is if you choose to use any of the material here, any of my pictures or art that you do so with the same intention with which I intended, not for profit.  There are people in this world who can’t afford to buy books or attend self-help workshops and might benefit from what I share here.  My intention at making this blog was never to profit from it, just to try and help anyone who might stumble into it.)


26 Oct 2017 Dream Walking and being different

Hello to you. It’s Thursday afternoon and I’m finally feeling good enough to write. My sinus’ have been acting up and it got real bad last night. With the cooler, drier and windier fall weather my sinus’ tend to get dried out and my allergies act up as there is a lot of stuff in the air getting shifted about. The most difficult part is the headaches.

I had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep last night because of the pain but when I did, I had a pretty detailed dream. I’m not sure if it was triggered by my looking at a travel guide for Pittsburgh or what but it didn’t feel like it belonged to me….like I was dream walking again.

5:10 am

Dreamt I was with a young black woman who was working towards a dream of owning a business. She was showing me some pottery piece she was working on and shaping with a hand-held tool that used heat to shape the clay. It looked like brazing? Just remember her holding the piece she was making and running the tool over it and shaping it.  She was still learning. She said she preferred wire work. Her store had crafts and jewelry in it. She had a prize that I was going to win helping her. She had made a ring and I had to go choose the stone from a shop she was working with. Her shop was in like a place like a mall. Before I woke up from this vivid dream, we were outside going into her shop, the sun was shining. A young black man gave me a long quizzical look as he went by us, she teased me about that.

Sometimes I don’t feel like what I dream belongs to me. Kind of like I’m dream walking.  Do you remember the show Quantum Leap starring Scott Bakula?  He would travel through time and when he looked in the mirror he saw himself but the people he was interacting with saw a completely different person.  It’s like this for me sometimes in the dream world.

Quantum Leap – Show Trailer | NBC Classics

2:16 pm – the dream this afternoon definitely belonged to me!

I dreamt about my Mom Dianne trying to understand me and who I am. She was realizing, with my help by my walking her back through my childhood, that I’ve always been this way. For as long as she’s known me, I’ve been different.

I don’t remember many specifics beyond this but that is the gist of what the dream was about. I think this dream was triggered by the drawing I did outside last night of me with flaming red hair and almost a ghostly appearance. Me as the red-headed stepchild nobody wants kind of theme with a tiny little flying insect next to me lol!

25 Oct 2017 – Drawing I did last night. Me as the infamous redheaded step-kid in this world.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I love who I am, but that’s what it feels like to be me in this world sometimes. When your different you are like a piece of a collection in a curiosity cabinet in a museum with a warning label, “Do not touch! Fragile! Damaged goods!” This blog is a way for people approach the “cabinet” I am in, read about me and be curious but at a safe distance.

It’s being this sort of person that makes me able to empathize and begin to understand a pretty wide spectrum of people. This is the gift of suffering can bring to our lives.  When you know what it’s like to go through something, you are more likely to have a heart for someone else going through similar circumstances.

As is said in this beautiful prayer by St Francis, it’s more important to understand than it is to be understood.

26 Oct 2017 A Simple Prayer St Francis that belong to Kyles Grandma Pat Hultgren