9 June 2018 Songs of our time – What Else Is There (Royksopp) and More Than This (The Cure)

I don’t know who wrote this.  I found it on the internet this morning without an author attached to it.  It was interesting to me:

Time
If the Particle in question
is to also move in time
it should change its energy
Or it stands still in time

Hello to you.  It’s morning in my here and now.  Already battling dust bunnies and ants but mercifully there is coffee and I am not the lone witness to these petty struggles lol!  How are you?  I hope this finds you well.

This morning I wanted a couple of songs for my post and What Else Is There by Royksopp and More Than This by the Cure stood out.  Songs with messages that speak to our current times.  The struggle I think so many, to include myself, are facing these days.  What else is there to this life?  Is there more than “this?”  What exactly is “this?”

For some the “this” seems to be a struggle from the moment they are born until the moment of their departure.  For some it seems only given a moment to be born and a few short days, months of years to struggle to be here and fade away.  For some the “this” is never knowing any pain, conflict or difficulty – a pampered and sheltered existence their entire lives.

Everyone seems to arrive and depart with assigned positions on the stage of life with very few roles being cast off to another player.  Painters painting, tradespeople trading, the usury using, talking heads talking, politicians politicking, soldiers soldiering, lawyers lawyering, police, fire and emergency responders flying with unseen wings from one crisis to another.  All the possible colors and textures of our skin be it human or otherwise the costumes we adorn for this blurring dance.   In between all “this,” the first of us be they of wings or fins, frantically sew all the holes we are tearing open across this planet closed with the beauty their existence.

Ever since last January I have experienced and sensed a big change in what “this” is for me personally.  I have drifted out to the darkness and looked over the edges quite a bit.  The tether that keeps me from drifting completely away made of family, friends, love, faith and hope.   I know I am extremely blessed to have this tether as far too many in this world don’t even know any of that exists!   I have seen many others also drifting out there in the confusion that is now America.  I think there is a great sense of futility in the air.  We must stay tethered to what matters most and the wisdom of the deepest part of our heart….our souls.

I’ve experienced, spoken and written many times that there is nothing of this world that can fill the void of spirit.  If you rely completely on other people, food, drink, places, things, conquests for power, do things that garner negative attention etc. to fill you up inside, you will always be left wanting more.  Just like any addiction, it takes bigger and bigger “doses” to achieve the same results until you finally realize there will never be enough to fill you up.   Then will come the questions I think people we are seeing that have lost hope are asking, “Is this it?!  Is there nothing more than this?!  What else is there?!  What do I have to do to feel alive?!”

Röyksopp – What Else Is There? (HD)

Lyrics

It was me on that road
But you couldn`t see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn`t see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads ends getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

I don’t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It’s about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What have I and what I ache for

I`ve got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

There is no room where I can go and
You`ve got secrets too

I don`t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

Songwriters: DANNY SHOSHAN,ROBERT HUXLEY,ROGER GREENAWAY,SVEIN BERGE,TOBJOR BRUNDTLAND,KARIN DREIGER,OLAF DREIGER,TONY MACAULEY
© Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.,Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC,Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

 

Sometimes I will grasp around for something to energize me, to make me happy and often find there is nothing.  So I go outside with my music and just flop down on my cot and look up or take off my shoes and just stand still with my arms raised to the sky.  The “this” I am seeking most often finds me then.   In the eyes of my husband and my dogs, in the songs of the birds, the buzzing of the bees, the dirt between my toes, the petals of the flowers, the whispers of the trees, the blazing sun, the gentle breeze that caresses my arm and the billowing clouds overhead all is “this”…God.  

 

8 June 2018 – Drawing yesterday. The word “corners” came to mind after I was done with it.

 

the cure – more than this

 

Lyrics

For this second of your life,

Tell me that its true,

Waiting for a sign,

That’s all I want of you.

Your heart hides a secret

A promise of what is,

Something more than this.

 

Just a second of your time,

Any one will do,

Taste of any other,

Is all I want from you,

You offer me the world,

And how can I resist

Something more than this?

 

Make believe in magic

Make believe in dreams

Make believe impossible,

Nothing as it seems

To see touch taste smell hear

But never know if its real

 

For this second of your life

Tell me if its true

Anyway we are

Is all I want of you

Your lips lies a secret

A promise of a kiss

Something more than this

 

Just a second of your time

Any one will do

To know any other is all I want for you

Giving me the world

Now I can’t resist

Something more than this

 

Make believe in magic

Make believe in dreams

Make believe impossible

Nothing as it seems

Never really understand what anything means

 

Another second of my life

Not knowing if its true

Make believe in nothing

Is all I want of you

Whisper me your secret

Whisper me your ears

Always something other

Something more than this…

 

Songwriters: JAMES SMITH,NATHAN BARDEEN,RORY DOLAN,TODD EISENKERCH

© Universal Music Publishing Group

For non-commercial use only.

Data From: LyricFind

 

 

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12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends (edited version 17 April 2018)

(edited 17 April 2018)

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    The living room the dream was in, was like mine but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike” which is a phrase I have heard from poet Maya Angelou.  It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.

 

The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.  There are a lot of people I admire, of many different walks of life, that wear those sort of glasses so it could have been anyone.

Recently I bought a book about the life of Albert Einstein written by Elma Ehrlich Levinger from Half Price Books in Burleson TX.  I haven’t quite finished it, but what I have read so far has been very interesting.  I remember hearing or reading something about him saying that he hoped when he closed his eyes after looking at the moon that it would still be there when he opened his eyes.  He would have been an interesting person that I would have liked to meet to talk to him about my perception of God as energy.  I have had many people teach me about energy.  One recent person was Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.   I really enjoyed season 1 of his show and learned a lot from it and also his web site.  He taught me about better ways to walk our dogs by understanding that our state of mind when we walk our dogs can literally be sent through the leash to the dog we are walking.  I had at one time expressed a hope that he could come to Alvarado TX and help our Animal Control folks with all the large dogs they are having to find homes for.

Before Cesar was a man named Nikola Tesla.  Nikola is a man from history that I feel is so important and I am so grateful he existed.   Many years ago, I lived in Colorado Springs Colorado where they had a museum dedicated to his work there.  I regret never having made the time to go and see it.  He is a man from history, along with several others, that I kind of had a crush on lol.  I think this is because they remind me of my Dad when he was a young man.  My Dad was very handsome when he was younger and like me, didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the person he was then.  My Dad did his very best to make sure I had food, clothing and shelter all by himself and this was very difficult.

I’m not very close with the family of my past for many reasons.  Since moving here to Texas, I have had several problems that were similar in nature to what my Mom Jeanne went through.  I think, but do not know for certain, that this might be a contributing factor to our distance.  When I am around family and people from my past, old baggage gets unpacked in my head and this is very difficult for me.  I am hoping that for my future, I can get a fresh start.

To close, something really important about what I’ve shared here is principles I learned from attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.   In AA we learned about the 12 steps and also about making amends to those we have harmed.  Sometimes, I have found from my own experience, it can do more harm than good to make amends with some people.  Sometimes it’s better if you just go your own separate ways.  I have had to do a lot of healing on my own, away from the people of my past.  Having those same people back into my life would possibly cause me more personal harm than good.  It’s not to say I don’t want that the people from my past to exist and have their own lives, they just don’t have to be part of my current life.  It is my right as a human being to decide who is and who isn’t part of my life.

There are people in the world I haven’t met yet that I would like to meet.  I will turn this over to the care of the God of my understanding, energy.  I hope something here has resonated with you.  This edit, 17 April 2018, is me revisiting past blogs that I have here and providing more details or context.  I am not a healthcare professional, a doctor, a scientist or anyone like that.  Please, as you read what I write here, use discernment and or critical thinking.  Read and then decide for yourself if this resonates with you.  If it does not, please keep searching for your messenger.   Whatever I share here comes from one place, my heart and love energy.

My husband and I go over these blogs before I write them and he sometimes reads them on his own.  I hope reader that you have a good support system to help you today.

(A personal request I have is if you choose to use any of the material here, any of my pictures or art that you do so with the same intention with which I intended, not for profit.  There are people in this world who can’t afford to buy books or attend self-help workshops and might benefit from what I share here.  My intention at making this blog was never to profit from it, just to try and help anyone who might stumble into it.)

10 Feb 2018 Houses and Becoming (17 April 2018 edited version)

Hello again. It’s cold and getting colder by the minute as I write. Today will be an inside day I think! This morning I finished working on the blanket I started working on back in January of last year! It’s a corner to corner pattern that my friend Erin and Red Heart Yarn taught me how to do and it’s pretty much the only one I use now lol.

I did get out for a quick chalk meditation this morning and some interesting stuff came forward. For many, what I am sharing with you may not resonate with your belief systems, culture, morals or value system…may seem strange even. You may not agree with what is here and that is perfectly fine! Everyone has a comfort zone….a “warm blanket” if you will. I am just passing on what came to me with no expectation from you the reader.

A phrase kept popping into my head this morning, “Old God’s in New Houses.” This is a phrase that came from a film called Queen of the Damned and sadly, one of my favorite female musicians was in it, Aaliyah.  After Aaliyah died in a terrible plane crash I was devastated.  It is so sad to me that such a tragedy should happen to such a talented young woman as she was.  Every time I see the movie, I am reminded of what a great loss was suffered by the music world at her passing.

Who are you? Did you know once a long time ago but the world beat and or numbed it out of you? I am hoping to empower you to be who God brought you here to be. To remember who you are and if you can’t and want to, do the work here in this shared dream this planet-sized school we are all in, and find out!

When I think of Aaliyah and from my own personal experiences of what I’ve observed in the world, this seems to be happening.  Have you ever met someone and felt like you met them before? What was it about them?  A look, a gesture, a walk, a way of speaking, something they said, sharing sentences…a smell?  Some of this is just nature of course but I believe there is more to it than that.  Perhaps on some level you have or did. If you think about the entire cycle of life, death and new life why would that not be possible? What if the energy all around us, capable of making an entire planet full of life, not have such a system? Recycling? Repurposing? What is energy? To me? God! What is God? Life, death and new life. How do we get there? It’s a process and it takes time but it is eternal.  I believe the Gods of many understanding and my own have kept their promise to all of us with this beautiful blessing of earth.

The  most valuable lessons I have learned from this life thus far has come from my observance of trees and nature.  The tree of life symbol from various different religions and walks of spirit is what resonates with me the most.  I believe that whatever we feel we have lost in the passing of someone we love is returned to us beyond measure.  This happened with our loss of our precious fur babies Sam, Blondie, Amber and May.  In the void left by their passing, they have returned to us in other ways.  I see their return and presence in nature and all of it’s forms.  The Wiccan, Native American and Buddhist walks of faith  have been milestones for me from my Christian and Catholic foundations in faith.  Each walk of faith, in my opinion, has had a contribution to my overall perspective of spirituality.

When I was stationed at Travis AFB, one of my ex-husbands roommates was a Satanist.  He was a good man and we actually were able to communicate about difficult subjects.  We never completely got a long but there was good in him.  I try to find the positive in all people, the best I can find and sometimes it’s almost impossible.  When I feel I can’t find anything positive about someone, I will pray for them and I say this in the context of not being any particular walk of spirit.  I don’t believe in hero’s and villains, good or evil or any labels put on people that make them either good or bad.  This is why I have chosen a “no labels” path for myself….it is a very lonely path to walk.  I have had a dream for a long time of all of us walking together as one but not to be ruled or made slaves.  My dream is that we would all walk together as family.

Part of the walking together involves something called forgiveness.  I think it was Oprah Winfrey that I learned this from.  We will forgive but that doesn’t mean we forget.  Right now I am feeling like a bunch of stuff I had already worked through is getting brought back up for someone else’s benefit or may be I thought I was finished with it and perhaps wasn’t.  I don’t believe we experience anything for no reason….it’s not a coincidence.  I believe everything is connected to divine timing and just how the God of energy operates.

I hope something here resonates with you today.  I am revisiting some of my blogs here and if you should come across some that are incomplete or missing pictures etc. it’s because I was considering deleting this blog entirely just so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.