25 Oct 2017 Identity Crisis

Hello to you in your where and when from mine. How are you today? Today was quieter “upstairs” but around lunch time I found some thoughts that came to me. I grabbed a notepad, ironically the one I got from the Veteran’s Land Board folks at the State Fair, and just started writing. I recognize my own experience from what I wrote down. I hope there might be something from my notes today for you too.

25 Oct 2017/1200 pm

We don’t know who we are anymore — roles. Goes back to “label” problem. With labels there are associations made…definitions…color, function and purpose…place in the world. When we don’t match or live up to expectations of our label, we have an identity crisis. With the crisis can come unexpected, previously unaddressed emotions and grief.

Each time we change it’s a sort of “death” to a self we used to be. If we were really attached to our former self and that self “dies” it can be very disorienting, confusing — anger, resentment, betrayal and deep sorrow…lash out, lash in…act out or retract within. This is when addictive and destructive behaviors set in. The seeking of the external to soothe the internal like people, places and things in a feeble attempt to exert influence, power and ultimately control. When control of self is lost, most turn outward. We were and continue to be taught to do that.

AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) helped me with doing that. Sometimes the most dangerous and toxic place to dwell is with ones own company….within ones own mind, body and soul. Especially if there has been “bad programming.”

How then to stay tethered?

Faith and looking to nature is what I’ve come to for myself.

Find the God of your understanding and raise the white flag not out of defeat but surrender. Realize you don’t have all the answers and it’s o.k! Let God be God and show you the way.

Like when I’m drawing a picture or thinking of what to draw and get “stumped.” I’ll hear my inner voice say, “Just draw!” I would say, “Have Faith!” Just be you. We are co-creators in this endeavor of life and as I’ve experienced many times now…I’m not in charge and when I think I “know” I find out I don’t know shit!

There is always more to learn in Earth school!

Dilemma – In spirit



23 April 2017 Making a connection (outside time, chalk and pen and ink drawing)

Just a quick hello and sharing of my chalk drawing and the pen and ink I drew after I was finished because I really loved the image.  As I was drawing it, I was thinking about how it feels for me when I truly connect with nature when I’m outside.  Just becoming one with the God of my understanding — energy made of multi-colored light.  The Hum is still going on today.  This morning it was peaceful and relatively still and felt so great!  Around 11:48 am it started picking up stronger and I tried to spend most of the day outside to avoid the shaking in the house.  Our back bedroom wall is separating again.  I was laying in there resting so I wouldn’t disturb Kyle, and could just hear popping and cracking.  Freaks me out!  I know some of it is the soil settling like it does here after it rains and then dries out (expansive clay soil really isn’t meant to have regular slab foundation homes built on it!) but being shaken like a flour sifter doesn’t help either!   Anyhew – much love to you today – hope you had a restful Sunday!

Some quotes from the Daily Good that resonated:

A mind in peace is heaven; a mind in pieces is hell.
K. Bhujang Shetty

I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization.
Roger Ebert

If you live for having it all, what you have is never enough.
Vicki Robin

To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.
Audrey Hepburn

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
Mother Teresa

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
Kahlil Gibran

16 Oct 2016 3 Fires Pendant, Dreams (Missing Child, a question), dancing with the Golden Moon (Peter Pan shadow dance), Attachment is at the core of our suffering (Buddhist wisdom)

Hello to you, it’s about 7:16 am on this Saturday morning as I write to you from here. Just waking up…..Kyle is about to make his wonderful coffee….that will help!

Yesterday afternoon I was inspired to make a 3 Fires Pendant in honor of the Tsalagi, Voices of Our Ancestors:

I decided to take a nap yesterday afternoon and I had a dream that seemed to be about a missing child. They found a drawing the child had done and one white shoe and that’s how they knew the child was missing. When I woke up, the drawing was so stuck in my head I had to try and replicate it and this is what I came up with. The drawing was just an outline and not “colored in at all” in the dream.

15 Oct 2016 - after I woke up from the dream the image of the childs drawing was stuck in my head!  In the dream the child in the drawing was just the outline - all light.

15 Oct 2016 – after I woke up from the dream the image of the childs drawing was stuck in my head! In the dream the child in the drawing was just the outline – all light.

Last night before bed I went out to admire the golden moon as it rose in the sky. The spider I thought was missing had returned and was busy weaving her new web. I stood listening to music and held my favorite frankincense incense in one hand and a candle in the other. I said prayers for this world – the election, the conflicts…just everything. As always I prayed, “Whatever you will, whatever is for the greatest, most positive and loving good in all things.” I expressed gratitude for all of my blessings which are great.

Then suddenly the candle blew out and I couldn’t relight it! I took this as a sign to just spend time with the moons brilliant glow. I did something that I do with the sun when I go out in the morning sometimes….I danced and played with my shadow. For me this was symbolic. Night or day we must be at peace and love all the parts of ourselves….both the light and shadow part of ourselves.

So unlike Peter Pan lol….I danced with my shadow and instead of trying to catch or possess it!  I love Tinker Bell’s reaction to seeing herself in the mirror in this clip lol…I do that lol!  Anyhew, unlike Peter in this clip here, my shadow and I made shapes together like birds, triangles, eyes and dogs. Remember playing shadow puppets as a child?  I felt so light and happy when I went inside to go to bed!

Another dream…..

So about 645 am this morning I got up and wrote down fragments of the dream I had before waking because it affected me so much!

The dream had an image of a bullet hole through a Bible. A voice in the dream asked, “The soul or the Bible?” Another voice answered, “The Bible.” This seemed to be about suicide but not my Mother Jeannie’s as I thought at first. The energy was masculine. Apparently the Bible was used as a shield by the man but it didn’t save him.

Even for all that the Bible is, all the faith in the world will not stop a bullet….will not stop physical death. The soul? Who does our soul belong to? For me, it’s not the Bible, but to myself and the God of my understanding. A God of energy that makes my existence and all that we share together even possible. Everything in our shared reality is Energy! This masculine and feminine Energy is the ALL of creation. No tangible thing can come into existence, to include us, without Energy.

It is to the Energy that we return when our physical life is ended — by or for whatever reason or means. If you look, specifically at the life cycle of a tree, this is the Way.  The existence of Energy is about Birth, Life, Death, Rebirth…always existing but in various forms through the course of our journey.

Humans with our attachment to the tangible – people, places and things,  make things so complicated…..cause ourselves so much suffering.  This is a principle I learned from Buddhism that has helped me so much when it comes to this:

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htmuse this link to read the rest of the article

Why Do Buddhists Avoid Attachment? “Attachment” May Not Mean What You Think It Means

By Barbara O’Brien

Buddhism Expert
Updated January 18, 2016.

You may have heard that Buddhists are supposed to be free of attachments. That sounds a bit grim. Does that mean we Buddhists have to abandon our friends and loved ones?

Thankfully, no, it doesn’t. In Buddhism, “attachment” doesn’t mean what you might think it means.

What Is Attachment?

In order for there to be attachment, you need two things — the attacher, and the thing to which the attacher is attached. In other words, “attachment” requires self-reference, and it requires seeing the object of attachment as separate from oneself.

The Buddha taught that seeing oneself and everything else this way is a delusion. Further, it is a delusion that is the deepest cause of our unhappiness. It is because we mistakenly see ourselves as separate from everything else that we “attach.”

Zen teacher John Daido Loori said,

“[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, nonattachment is exactly the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to have attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s attaching.

In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to what?”

Because we think we have intrinsic existence within our skin, and what’s outside our skin is “everything else,” that we go through life grabbing for one thing after another to make us feel safe, or to make us happy.

Much love, light and hugs through these wires from my dimension to yours!