Hello. It’s Sunday morning as I write. Laundry is chugging away and everybody is still in bed yet. We have been struggling to get restful sleep for some time now. I’m hoping as we get closer to fall and cooler days that this will change too.
Had a couple interesting dreams this morning. One was one of those really brief flash dreams. It looked a bit like a computer simulation of a black circle moving through space. It made me think of a slinky. A circle leaving an “after image” behind itself. A slinky actually has a bunch of them tangibly connected to it. Don’t know what that was about!
The other one was about walking into a dusty room and an Aaliyah like woman was standing there as a hologram….so I thought. We started to sing together. I did the harmonizing thing I do and walked closer to her. I reached out to touch her because what we were doing seemed like something two real people would do not a hologram. When I touched her she was warm. I was surprised and said, “I didn’t think you were real!” and she said, “Neither did I!” The song stuck in my head as I was writing down this dream was Aaliyah’s song “One in a Million.”
https://www.aaliyah.com/ – her official site
Aaliyah’s tragic death hit me really hard. I used to sing and harmonize with her songs to try and comfort myself.
I’ve been thinking about these police involved shootings and thinking about reflexes. I was thinking about survival instincts and what people do, no matter how much training they have had, when they are afraid. People are typically afraid of what they cannot see. When you encounter someone who is unstable, mentally ill or that you have a fear about, I suspect reflexes and survival instincts kick in. You can’t see “what someone is going to do” in situations like what happened with Vanessa and so many others now.
Speaking as a person who has been through this, I honestly don’t know how well you can prepare yourself. Unless you can read minds or you are like a dog and can read even the slightest tick in body behavior and respond accordingly it seems like your screwed no matter what you do! I think there is hope in sensitivity training and application of that training in various hands-on scenarios. Reading about and or clicking buttons through a scenario simulator aren’t enough. I think you actually need interactive training for this.
The way the police dealt with me to make sure I was ok came at many different levels. One was they reminded me of my brother-in-laws I love so that helped. Two they did not approach me in an aggressive or threatening manner – very kind. Three they managed their energy with the tone of their voice and body language – the way they spoke to me was very soothing and enlisted my trust. Four I am a white woman who speaks English. I wonder if I were black, Hispanic or some other nationality if things would have gone the same? When I think of our town police who I respect greatly, I’d like to think it would have gone just the same but I don’t know.
The internal clashes of culture, of all the labels we all wear, do not end when someone puts on a badge. We ask human beings to suppress so much of themselves to become police officers. I think under duress, sometimes, all those normal safety catches get lifted and the bullets fly. We get angry when the cops don’t respond quickly enough to our time of crisis and hate them when they do. We ask human beings to be armed angels and are surprised when some of them fall.
I don’t know if this is an appropriate example but it’s what Kyle and I were talking about yesterday. It’s like zombie movies. The person looks like a human, acts like a human but behaves like something else completely. Is this the person I knew or is it a zombie?! You just don’t know what the zombie is going to do! How can you prepare yourself to deal with this type of scenario? Do you shut off any sort of human empathy you have and just shoot before finding out the zombie isn’t a zombie or do you use the empathy inside of you and risk being hurt, bitten or eaten?
To me, this is what many of our police are facing today. They are having to deal with a lot of people who look human but under fear and duress become something completely different. We are seeing the police survival instincts versus the survival instincts kicking in for a person who is having the worst day of their life. In more cases than not, this is a lethal combination.
1006 am – Betrayed = 80 (Vanessa = 81 Rodriguez = 123 = 204) 204-149 = 55 (#value for cuffs) 204-80 = 124
Aaliyah – Rock The Boat
Aaliyah = 57/12/6/3 cycle