Just stopping in for a moment to say hello. I have been resting today as I’ve had a lot on my mind. The words to numbers has been pretty steady and has turned out to be a great coping mechanism to help me riddle out things logically for myself. This morning I worked through through aspects of my life to include some of the major players in it and got some very interesting results. For example, the total numeric value for my Dad’s full name (186), the numeric value of the phrase “leave home” (86) and for the age I was when I joined the military (18 years and 6 months) all line up! What’s interesting also – I was born in 1968! I found out the numeric value of my birth mom’s full maiden name comes to 137 which is interesting because Becker means baker or “to bake”. Baker = 37! I was born in Sioux Falls South Dakota and the full numeric value for this is 273. It’s interesting that it took two to make the reverse version of my mother in numbers 73. In doing this, I found myself feeling like I’ve finally been let in on the “plan” for my life. I’m only half way in so that’s not too bad lol!
I went out to do some chalk drawing earlier and just couldn’t do it. What I did draw I knew was going to take me on a path I’m done treading – the 9/11 bit. I have to let it go and it’s so hard to. I want justice for what happened to EVERYONE involved with this and as it seems, there never will be. At least in this life!
I picked up the foot piece of the Blondie dog statue I had broken in anger a few months ago and examined it. There was a tiny spider hiding in it. If you remember, the number value for spider is 71/8 which is the same number value for God of 26/8.
I started crying thinking about and missing my Dad. Ironically the word Dad comes out to 9 in the numbers! It makes sense this word would be a 9 cycle. I feel like I literally have “Daddy issues.” Attachment problems. I love my Dad (and Mom) so much that I’m afraid to be close to him and have him leave me! This is stupid I know, but it’s like when my Grandma, his mother was still alive and I would call her. I used to just end up crying because I missed her so much. After a point she kind of asked me to stop calling her. It’s gotten that way with my parents. The last time Mom and Dad visited my Dad said to me, “You could always come home (274/13/4).” If it were only that easy to do! There are so many “if’s” attached to just picking up and leaving when you are grown up!
So I went and took a nap and had a dream that pulls this all together. Ironically the time I recorded it, 3:01 am (4).
The dream was about one of those decorative, huge vases you might see in a museum. There was something about rearranging furniture and this vase fell over and broke. It had been broken many times before. There was a discussion about putting it back together but there were so many pieces.
Some words and phrases that I did the numbers for about this dream:
https://www.gematrix.org = online word/phrase calculator
Give (43) Up (39) = 80/8 Resilient = 111/3 (666 in English Gematria) Broken (65) Vase (47) = 112/4 (4=D for Dad)
Rearrange = 87/15/6/3 cycle Start (78) Over (60) = 138/12/3 cycle Restart = 101/2 (# for system) Reset = 67/13/4 (13 day I was born, 4 for D)
Forget = 71/8 (I see Christ/Devil/God, self in here)
Anger = 45/9 cycle
Forgive = 82/10/1 (I see God (26), 2 people – the one who wants to be forgiven and the one who forgives, spirit (91) and self in this)
Psychological = 145/10/1 (9 cycle is in this number for 1 person)
Psychological Shock = 201/3 cycle (part of what creates PTSD)
Shock = 56/11/2/1
Trauma = 74/11/2/1
Psychological Trauma = 219/12/3 cycle (both 22 and 19 are in here, 22 = 4 which is first letter in Dad)
Assuming KIAs accurately represented age groups serving in Vietnam, the average age of an infantryman (MOS 11B) serving in Vietnam to be 19 years old is a myth, it is actually 22 [CACF]
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) = 368/17/8 (Eleven September Two Zero Zero One = 386)
Empath = 63/9 cycle — me Empathy = 88/16/7
He will give his angels charge over you in all your ways – Psalm 91:11= 564/15/6/3 cycle (my Bible cover from my parents)