Hello to you. How are you? I hope wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day. My day has started out with some anxiety about different things…..the theme of the dreams I had last night, finding three new areas in the house that are splitting apart to include a cracked tile. This summer and living next to an increasingly busy road has been really rough on the house and on me. We’ve been talking about future plans and whether or not we would be able to sell this house with everything that is happening to it right now. Everyone seems to think we won’t have a problem.
I told my therapist yesterday I just want to be where God wants me to be. It seems, for now, right where I am. So until a plan unfolds, I will keep dragging out the mud and caulk to patch the cracks in the walls!
The dreams last night started out with the actor who played Dr. Who, David Tennant and just went from there. The whole stream of images and what passed through were what seemed to be dead people. Everyone from soldiers, news anchors like Morley Safer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morley_Safer – died 19 March 2016) and random people I’ve never seen before. I woke up very sad and anxious. There was something that happened that was a little different. There was this young blonde woman who was in the dream but wispy I want to say. The emphasis of what I saw of her was her face. While I was in this sequence she walked by and turned and looked at me with these sad eyes like she had been crying. It was like she was really looking at me beyond just what happens in dreams if that makes sense.
When I was writing down my notes about all this, trying to make sense of it, and this came to me. “Being dead can be physical or being alive and a feeling.” Then I realized where I had seen the blonde woman, she looked like Ellie Soutter the British snowboarder who recently took her own life on her 18th birthday. I was very upset when I found out about the manner of her death. I guess my mind was trying to process my sadness.
I’m never sure when I dream about dead people if I’ve gone to where they are or if it’s just my mind putting together all the pieces of information my waking world gives it. Then going on to cast characters and make a feature length movie! It’s really hard to say. We don’t really know “where we go” when we dream. They can hook up machines and do studies all they want but I don’t think, like death, they will ever have a definitive answer – another great mystery!
Sometimes the dream experience is so vivid it feels like I’m actually there and interacting with the people and environment. There have been times that I became aware I wasn’t awake and consciously interacted with the dream environment. Like seeing myself in a mirror and waving at myself sort or being able to just jump up and start flying sort of thing. Those types of dreams are very rare.
I told Kyle about this dream and he was of course concerned. I’ve always been a sort of “door” with regards to the dead. We agreed we need to make sure we have a screen or storm door installed so that we don’t get unwelcomed guests visiting us again. He says this because the last time I had an episode I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and things went downhill from there. During my last episode, it felt like I was constantly being walked through by some different disembodied person. Once it starts, it’s hard to kick them out!
Anyhew. Was thinking about painting today but just not sure if I’m in the right frame of mind for it. It might be a chalk day instead! Just have to wash off my canvas and dry it! Sending positive vibes out to you – send some back my way ok?!
I was thinking about the grid and “beings” I saw when I woke up the other morning and then I remembered this drawing – it has a sort of grid to it!