26 May 2017 Outdoor meditation – My Mother’s Suicide – Guns with Divine Numbers

Hello, it’s 9:47 am, think this will be the last post for today but in light of me seeing something about President Trump going to be talking to the National Rifle Association, this can’t wait.  I don’t expect that he even knows of my existence but there is power in words and pictures – so I will go on.

On 24 Dec 1968 my Mother Jeanne Faith Becker, age 26, a mental patient, took her own life using my Dad’s .38  – shot herself in the heart.  They say she had trouble with post partum depression but from what I can tell from her journals and other things, it was more than just because I came into the world that she suffered in her heart.  If anything,  my coming here gave her a fleeting glimpse of Hope.  That’s what I would like to think anyways.  Ever since I found out the manner and cause of her death and have been myself through the “mental health system”,  if that is what you want to call it, I have had resentments against gun and weapon manufacturers and “the system” as a whole.  What all of us are involved in is a system….a mechanism…..a machine.  Each of us cogs of the “wheel” which has also caused great resentment in me during the course of my life.  Being considered a ways to a means….and end…. instead of a beginning.

So this meditation revolves (like the pun?) around the premature death of my Mother and what it did to my Dad’s heart, soul and life afterwards….to me….to everyone.  For those who keep up with me, you know how I feel about violent deaths….it’s like shattering a round glass globe into a million pieces.  All those shards getting into everything – the food, the water, the soil, the air…into people.

Some will say that guns are just tools and it is people that kill people not the guns.  People would say if she didn’t use the gun she would have found something else – yes but may be she could have been saved!  TIME!!!!  Guns take away TIME!!!  We are feeding “hell’s well.”  What I say is what I’ve said about thoughts, about intention, about purpose and design of the “thing.”  Guns indeed are tools and they are good for one thing – killing people, killing animals, destroying property, threatening and intimidating people by filling the carrier with false pride and superiority.  They were designed with the intent to kill whereas a knife or another tool has multiple – USEFUL – purposes besides being used just for destruction.




7 comments on “26 May 2017 Outdoor meditation – My Mother’s Suicide – Guns with Divine Numbers

    • You can take back an unkind word, you can be stabbed and may be bleed a lot but still live. Guns with a well-placed or careless bullet are permanent solution makers to temporary problems. The same can be said for all forms of weapons of this nature.

    • Thank you Cindy. I’ll just keep on trying to help by sharing my experience strength and hope until this world becomes what I hope to experience in reality. I can’t do it alone 🙂

  1. I’m so sorry, Jackie, that your mother felt such a powerful need to leave this world.

    I think guns are weapons, not tools. In my lexicon, tools are what we use to create, build, make something. Weapons destroy. Guns are not tools. 😥 xoM

    • I agree M – she had come home after being at Yankton SD State Hospital and while she was there she was heavily drugged and even experienced, from what I’ve heard from family, electro-shock therapy the way they used to do it. When she came home from that she just wasn’t in her right mind – she wanted to spend Christmas with her family but there was a huge snow storm that prevented it. That’s the pieces of her story I’ve been able to put together through the years and overheard. I was so young that they just couldn’t tell me all the truth I guess. Everything that happened to my mom, what happened to me in the system and you add guns….yep. This is why what is happening with my fellow military veterans and acting members of public services like police, fire and EMT’s are such a passion of mine – PTSD etc. Anyhew – much love to you M!

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