Hello to you this morning. We are up early again….Link and his bug bites! So we got up and I read in the headlines that they have ruled Chris Cornell’s death a suicide. This not only made his death for me even more sad but stirred a restlessness and very old ache in my heart. Evoking the “I don’t know what to do with these feelings” restlessness. He had struggled, as I had for a time, with addiction to alcohol (also drugs for him). After finally sitting still with Kyle for a bit I was lead to my bookshelf, and my copy of Alcoholics Anonymous. In particular page 63 which was from the last time I had visited it.
Page 63 Alcoholics Anonymous
we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter, We were reborn.
We are now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him*: “God, I offer myself to Thee–to build with me and dto do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
*For me God has no gender, just energy
Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.
Anyone who has been or is still involved with a 12 Step program like AA or NA, knows that part of our creed is to pay it forward, to share our experience, strength and hope with others in recovery. I have adopted that creed with themes here in my blog and life to carry the message beyond to those who may not have reached their bottom yet but are on their way. I want to reach those who “turn their lights on” or put on a mask to the world but are in darkness inside….live in duplicity. Living a life of falsehood to our true self creates resentment which on page 64 is at the root of addiction and further still…spiritual sickness.
Even though we may not drink, drug, have sex, shop, and or work too much…”act” like or even truly believe we are recovered, as Chris has shown us, we may still not be entirely recovered in our core….in our spirit. Recovery is an inside to outside job and for most of us, it is a life-long venture with constant vigilance required.
I hope wherever his heaven, he has found peace and my prayers and love go to those he left behind. My mother committed suicide when I was barely a year old, not old enough to truly “know” her and it ripples through me still. I can only imagine the agony an older child facing such circumstances. I hope there is and or will be a great support systems to help them navigate through this.
- Spouse: Vicky Karayiannis (m. 2004 – 2017)
- Children: Lillian Jean Cornell (Daughter) · Toni Cornell (Daughter) · Christopher Nicholas Cornell (Son)
It’s interesting to note that we have yet another very public death with pharmaceuticals. How many people who aren’t famous have also taken their own lives under these conditions? Is this being studied and if so, what can be done to reverse this disturbing trend?
He was apparently taking Ativan: : http://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/music/chris-cornell-dead-possible-suicide-was-guiding-force-grunge-music-n761476
Cornell’s wife and lawyer issued a statement pushing back at the notion that Cornell wanted to die. The lawyer, Kirk Pasich, said that the singer was a recovering addict and was taking an anti-anxiety medication that may have contributed to his death.
“The family believes that if Chris took his life, he did not know what he was doing, and that drugs or other substances may have affected his actions,” Pasich said, noting that his anti-anxiety medication, Ativan, can cause paranoid or suicidal thoughts.)