Hello family. It’s 6:32 pm as I start to write to you on this first day of March. I wanted to stop in and say hello even if I don’t have much to say and I don’t feel very cheerful to do it. Our senior cat May hasn’t been doing so well here lately. Thankfully she did eat some food Kyle went and bought especially for her today but not much. I set up that sun lamp I bought recently in her room and she seems to be enjoying that. The sun doesn’t get to that side of the house and we can’t take her outside in her current condition.
I’ve been a mess the past couple of days worrying about her and just kind of waiting for her to let me know, and I know she will, when it’s time to go. After just going through losing Amber this past October and ending up in the hospital over that, I’m just having trouble rallying the courage for May’s journey now. This has to be the hardest part of having four legged family members…..shit any kind of family member right?! It’s all roses when we are babies, when we are young and reckless, when we are mature and ambitious but the “fading” part….the last part….it hurts so much for those who can only watch….can only try to make it “comfortable” to transition from this world into whatever comes next. It’s especially hard when it comes to animals it’s so much harder because they can’t tell you what they want or what they need….it’s just a painful guessing game of “do you want to eat this?” “are you in pain?” “what can I do to help you be more comfortable?” We are doing the best we can and staying in a loving space for her.
So the chalk drawing today is for May kitty….for Kyle and I (drawing it was great therapy)…for all those in the world going through what we are and or worse….lots are going through worse.
Somewhere in the suffering and trying not to be overly attached to both the suffering and the object from which the suffering springs…..there is love, there is light, there is hope and there will be relief.
(this is a song my friend Cindy shared with me when we lost Amber)