Good morning family. It’s Friday at 9:33 am as I start to write to you. How are you doing? I had an emotional start to my day.
I woke up after after a dream about being with my cat Amber who died last year. Kyle and I used to talk about all the things we were going to do with the house and our lives “when the cats were gone” a lot but it’s different when you are just talking from when it’s actually reality! Even as I write this a visual montage of “moments” of her is running through my head. She was with me 17 years!
So there I was sitting on the toilet in the dark crying this morning thinking of how she used to greet me as I sat there in times past. She loved coming to get a scratch behind the ears and under the chin. This was “our” time because the rest of time was usually monopolized by the dogs. I can remember her loud purr and how her chin would turn pink…how soft she was. I can remember sometimes picking her up and just holding her and feeling so much love for her I’d just start crying. The other night I burst into tears laying in bed with the nightstand light on. I realized why may be Amber used to love to sleep in the same spot…it is warm and it feels good kind of like sunshine! It’s the little things. She was my dream kitty(helped me sleep), my nurse, my therapist, my comfort…..my dear friend. I don’t miss the “body” things about her but I miss everything intangible that made her Amber. Ironically all that is left now is intangible and I am unfulfilled…I miss her tangibility! Typical human nature….never satisfied right?!
Well the dream was of me being in a strange house and there she was! This is the first time I’d dreamt of her since she left us on 21 Oct 2016. It was so vivid. I couldn’t believe she was alive because I knew she was dead. I can remember her having some yellow fluid in her mouth. Well I was able to hold her and I can remember screaming and crying her name as I did. I guess I knew it was a dream and we weren’t going to get to stay together like that. I lost track of her and spent the rest of the dream looking and calling for her but no luck. There were other cats in the dream but she didn’t appear again. There was a weird intermission of me being in the same strange house with my mother-in-law Beth and her son Cole and a couch had just been moved. Well apparently underneath it was a bunch of jewelry that had fallen under there. Some of it was crushed and bent beyond repair. I can remember seeing a little pinky size ring in the shape of a tree or something like that and trying it on.
CATS – Memory (with lyrics) – (one of my favorite songs even though I’ve never had the honor of seeing the actual musical!)
Memory (From “Cats”)
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
The time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every street lamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters at the street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
It’s so easy to leave me
All alone with my memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You’ll understand what happiness is
Look a new day has begun
Anyhew…..so yesterday I did some more drawings outside and in. The Crystal Eye drawing conjured an image of this device in the shape of an eye, almost like a kaleidoscope. There would be the clear faceted crystal in the middle and on the sides all these loose crystals of various colors that you could shake into the faceted crystal to make multi-colored images of light if you held it in the sun. A different kind of “Etch-a-Sketch” lol….”Shine-a-Stretch.” Yeah….no.
Anyways it’s the weekend again already and if it is for you too, I hope you have a good one! Much love to you!
Daily Good feature for today in case your interested: