31 Dec 2016 12 New Year’s Eve’s ago

Hello family, how are you?  I’m coming down with a “something” and I’ve been in bed most of the day.  Luckily for you, visiting me this way you won’t catch whatever the something is lol.    I figured getting out of bed for a bit and writing to you might help me feel a little better.  I’ve not been writing “real letters” lately and I feel bad about that…..just haven’t had the motivation for much of anything.  My one “life preserver” from the Universe was Ru Paul’s Season 2 of All-Stars and we ate through it in just a couple of days!  Ru Paul and his girls always make me so happy!  I love their personalities and the color and shine they bring to my living room and so does Kyle.  I said I hope Ru Paul lives to be a thousand so we always have his shows to watch lol!  Love yah Momma Ru!

Today marks the 12 years since the first time we met each other in person….we call it our “real anniversary.”   It was 12 years ago Kyle bought himself a plane ticket to Orlando Florida so we could meet in person.  We initially met playing the online MMORPG called FFXI.  I was in a party as a White Mage (Prinzessa) in the Valkrum dunes (desert area in game) and one of our members left and we needed someone.  The someone that came was Kyle’s Black Mage, a  Tarutaru named Efess.   It was a couple of years that we spent after that meeting getting to know each other from the inside out.

Before Kyle’s arrival, I can remember how we debated what we were going to wear for our first meeting.  Our colors from the very beginning were always black and white, him black and me white.  We had talked about dressing up in those colors but we ended up deciding on APC (A Perfect Circle) band t-shirts he had bought for us instead….perfect.  I can remember how nervous I was waiting for him to walk off the plane!  Would he turn around and walk back up the ramp after he saw me?!  Nope!  During the course of his visit we went to Universal Studios where we saw our first movie in a theater together, A Series of Unfortunate Events.  We ate our first sit down meal together there at the Hard Rock Café.  Another night we went to a Medieval Times Banquet dressed in our colors and they actually seated us in the black and white Knights section lol.  Our knight “won” but of course got cheated out of his win by another cheating bastard knight lol.  We still have the two sided dragon sun catcher Kyle bought for me from their gift shop hanging in our car.

Memories like this help me through times when I’m not feeling my best!  I hope your 2017 is filled with lots to be grateful for – sending much love, hugs, prayers and positive vibes in your direction!

This is a song that Kyle and I settled on as “our song.”   To some it may seem morbid but for everything we went through to be together, much I’ve written here in bits and pieces, it’s perfect.

The Noose

So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heavens help you cast your demons out

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I’m more than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about making your amends
To the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if they’re all
Someone else’s atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I’m more than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about making your amends
To the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down

But I’m more than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about making your
More than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about making your
More than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about making your amends

Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
To choke you now

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
For non-commercial use only.
Data from: LyricFind



30 Dec 2016 Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds Oprah show interview, what will happen to my stuff after I die, my drawing before bed, Breaking Benjamin (Angels Fall)

Hello family.  How are you today?  The past couple of days have been emotional for me.  For some reason the death of Carrie Fisher just really  hit me hard.  I think it’s because when I hear parts of her story, especially the mental health aspects, she just resonates with me.  I think she had so much courage to come out with this part of herself and put it out there.  My friend Natalie shared this interview yesterday on Facebook and Kyle and I watched the whole thing.  I cried a lot.  Hearing Kyle talk about his almost taking up drinking this last “episode” of mine and the distance between myself and most of my family makes me suspect the pain Debbie Reynolds expressed about watching what Carrie went through is probably pretty close to what my family and friends feel about me.  There is a sense of powerlessness in all of it.   Powerless for them to be able to reason with me and powerless for me to be able to reason with myself when I’m in a manic state.

*had to find another copy of this as the other was deleted.  I apologize if this one disappears too.

The morbid part of myself started ruminating about what’s going to happen when it’s my time to go.  Specifically what will happen to “my stuff.”  Sometimes I look around our house at the stuff we’ve accumulated and just get overwhelmed.  I want to gather it all up into boxes and put it at the curb because I know if I’d try to have a garage sale nobody would buy most of it.  So many people have their own houses full of shit they don’t often look to go buy somebody else’s shit unless it will add to their existing collection.  I have a room full of sock monkey’s, the only room in our house that actually has a “theme”, and we never go in there!  The rest of the house is just random “stuff” that at some point, somebody is going to have to figure out what to do with.  One thing I’ve been doing is as I lose emotional attachment to things, I get rid of it but for every one thing I get rid of…..hello Christmas….here is some more random stuff to squirrel away.

I have a trunk full of journals and CD’s that are filled with my life story as well those of many of the lives I’ve encountered along the way.  When my  neighbor Michelle passed away tragically a  couple of years ago, she had a bunch of stuff like this.  She had poems and writings she’d done and nobody wanted them.  Most of it just ended up in the trash.  It was very sobering for me!  Kyle and I don’t have any kids to pass stuff on to that would actually care.  We aren’t close to any younger people in our family that will care either.  Will anyone give a shit about all the stuff I’ve recorded since high school or will it all just end up in a landfill somewhere?  My secret fantasy is that aliens would come and find my writings and it would be a time capsule for them to figure out what the fuck happened to us down here lol.  I’ve told Kyle if he doesn’t want it to use it as kindling to burn me up lol.  This is the morbid kind of shit that comes to mind at different times in life, when people in your generation die tragically.

I told Kyle that this is why there are so many gaps in human history.  The stuff that I’ve written down is exactly the stuff people doing genealogy would love to have from their ancestors but can never find.  No one in their line had the education, the means, gave a shit or even thought it important to record the little details about their lives and that of their families.  People are conditioned to believe that their stories don’t matter and that is so not the truth.

I would love to have a professional archivist show up at my door lol!  I told Kyle I’m surprised there isn’t a large market for archivist.  I would pay such a person to spend however much time it took to get all the negatives I need put into pictures, journals archived, letters scanned and photo albums organized because it’s just too hard for me to go back through my “archives” it’s too visceral!  Every time I’ve tried to get my journals into digital form I am a basket case afterwards…..the burning idea has been sounding better each year lol.

Anyhew…..sorry for the morbid subject matter but those of you who know me, know you can count on me for treading on subjects others avoid lol.  It can’t be rainbows, unicorns, puppies and chocolate all the time….a good portion of the time but we do need breaks into between!

29 Dec 2016 drawing before bed I did. I was thinking of Carrie and Debbie trying to find each other between worlds...the veil. Like reaching for someone in the darkness.

29 Dec 2016 drawing before bed I did. I was thinking of Carrie and Debbie trying to find each other between worlds…the veil. Like reaching for someone in the darkness.

Breaking Benjamin Angel’s Fall lyrics:

I try to face the fight within
But it’s over
I’m ready for the riot to begin
And surrender
I walked the path that led me to the end
I’m caught beneath with nothing left to give

When angels fall with broken wings
I can’t give up, I can’t give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I’ll carry you and we will live forever

Grey skies will chase the light away
No longer
I fought the fight now only dark remains
Divided I will stand

And I will let this end

When angels fall with broken wings
I can’t give up, I can’t give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I’ll carry you and we will live forever

The sun begins to rise
And wash away the sky
The turning of the tide
Don’t leave it all behind
I will never say goodbye
When angels fall with broken wings
I can’t give up, I can’t give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I’ll carry you and we will live forever

26 Dec 2016 Finding your way out of a personal Shit-Storm – message of gratitude and hope for 2017

Good morning family. It’s the day after “the Christmas” here as I write to you. How are you doing? When I got up this morning Kyle told me that 2016, what I’ve now dubbed the serial killer of famous icons, had taken singer George Michael! Just yesterday my mother-in-law Beth had been singing, pretty much the whole time she was working on Christmas dinner, “Last Christmas I gave you my heart the very next day you gave it away….”

On the dog walk Kyle and I did a verbal gratitude list the whole way and that helped.

Sometimes when the shit is hitting your fan in whatever varying of degrees it’s happening…you need to find that list and remind yourself that there are still good things about your life. I know it’s hard to do but the way we do it is just by saying, “What are you grateful for today?” The first answers between us are usually, “I’m grateful for you being here” and it blossoms from there. There has got to be ONE THING. Something like just having food to eat or a moment of clarity….something.

There are people in my life right now,  and I won’t single them out,  but if they read this, they will know I’m talking to them.  These people are in the midst of a shit storm and it’s miserable. There doesn’t seem to be a clear path out of the swirling flurries of confusion, frustration, blame, regret, remorse, hatred, self-loathing and apathy….the desire to just say “fuck it all.”

I would say to you I’ve been there!  I may not have been or currently be in the exact set of circumstances as you are in, but I’ve had my own share of being completely lost in the blinding flurries of an epic shit storm!   I will tell you that eventually there is a clearing in it all and this clearing can take on many different forms. For me it has been the right person or animal, the right place, the right word, the right song, the right tv show, the right medication (ugh), just the sun breaking through the clouds for a moment like it’s looking specifically at me……there has always been a “something” that has presented itself to me…..my life preservers I call them. The God of my understanding and their agents have NEVER completely abandoned me even if at the time it felt like they may have.

There is always something if you have the consciousness to seek….to look….but it all begins by your asking. All you have to do is ask for help and do not place expectations on the answer. The problem with most people in crisis is they have been taught to place expectations on how the God of their understanding answers their prayers and this causes so much disappointment, resentment and heart-ache. 

“God of my understanding I pray for my greatest, most loving good whatever that may be. Not as I would have it but as you would have it. Amen.”

So as we embark on 2017, that is my prayer for the entire world. I am imagining a most transformational, positive, awe-inspiring, loving year for us all. I don’t know what that will look like but I have faith it’s going to be amazing.


24 Dec 2016 The Greatest of these is Love (1 corinthians 13:1-13), Bing Crosby and David Bowie Little Drummer Boy and my drawing before bed

Good morning family, it’s Christmas Eve morning as I write to you.  It’s gray, wet and surprisingly warm here in North Texas.  Instead of spinning the prayer wheel at the World Prayers website I found this prayer in their list of prayers of peace and it resonated with me this morning.  When I think of my spirituality, at my core is the faith in Love so this passage from the Bible is appropriate.  It is this time of the year that Love is such a powerful player in everything we do isn’t it?  Pretty much everything we do around the holidays seems to have Love as a primary motivator whether that be in the positive or negative direction.  My prayer today for everyone is for the power of Love to be a healer to all who need it.  For all those who are sick, poor, hungry, have made bad life choices and are in circumstances they can’t see a way out of…..let Love be a beacon of light today for these.   I wish you all well!


If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love,
I have become sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.

And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and
all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.

And if I dole out all my goods, and
if I deliver my body that I may boast
but have not love, nothing I am profited.

Love is long suffering,
love is kind,
it is not jealous,
love does not boast,
it is not inflated.

It is not discourteous,
it is not selfish,
it is not irritable,
it does not enumerate the evil.

It does not rejoice over the wrong,
but rejoices in the truth

It covers all things, it has faith for all things,
it hopes in all things, it endures in all things.

Love never falls in ruins;
but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or
tongues, they will cease; or
knowledge, it will be superseded.

For we know in part and we prophecy in part.

But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will be superseded.

When I was an infant,
I spoke as an infant, I reckoned as an infant;
when I became [an adult],
I abolished the things of the infant.

For now we see through a mirror in an enigma, but then face to face.
Now I know in part, but then I shall know
as also I was fully known.

But now remains faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.

1 corinthians 13:1-13

My Drawing Before Bed last night:

23 Dec 2016 - my drawing before bed last night. I was thinking about my concept of heaven and how everything we are goes up after we die and how it also comes back down - hence the title Return.

23 Dec 2016 – my drawing before bed last night. I was thinking about my concept of heaven and how everything we are goes up after we die and how it also comes back down – hence the title Return.


23 Dec 2016 Finding the sun within yourself for healing (Inside Sun poem), my Spirit Guide and Light by Sleeping at Last

Hello to you, hope you are well today.   Not much to say today *gasp!   It’s another gray and dreary morning.  I was laying in bed this morning and the thoughts came to me from my spirit guide, Deagen (Celtic for dark-haired one, I asked several years ago for a name and that’s what they said), to focus within for illumination and light.  So I held the citrine crystal and did just that.  My feet that have been cracking from the dry and cold weather started to hurt really bad….that healing feeling.  When an area of my body is troubling me, I focus on it being better and have faith that it will.   Most times, with the help of the God of my understanding, spirit guide, crystal family,  and the right food, drink and or activity I have success.  I imagined, with the help of my spirit guide, that my entire inner being was illuminated with healing light.   This is a good exercise for a monkey-mind (chatter brain) like mine!


The name “Deagan” is one of the many spellings of the English translation of the Irish name “O’Duibhghinn” pronounced as O’Dwigan. The Irish name of this sept simply means descendants of (O’) the black (dubh) headed one(ceann).

The most commonly used spelling , found in Ireland today, at least in Tipperary and surrounding counties is “Deegan”. The largest concentration of Deegans appears to be in Counties Laois (Queens), Ofally (Kings) and Tipperary. There are still ruins of Deegan Castle in County Laois on the main road between Nenagh and Dublin.

In my perception, half of did-ease is in our mind and the rest is external forces.   I still find myself longing for the external sunlight on days like we’ve been having, the sun lamp I bought is helping!

The Inside Sun – Jackie Wygant

In the gray of the morning I find myself seeking warming light

Sometimes red, pink, orange or golden

Illuminating and bright

Alas it is veiled to me

So I close my eyes and call it forth within my center

There is what I seek

Like a song only I can hear

There is my inner sun

To bring me morning cheer


*for JRM and Mara’s little angel alien baby on the way……

I hope wherever and whenever this finds you, on a holiday or not, that you are well and if your not that the resources you need are available to you to overcome whatever you are facing.  Remember you are not alone.  There are people like me all over the world who pray for everyone – for some that’s all they do is pray for the world!  My Mom Dianne regular participates in prayer circles at church.  Someone is praying and thinking about you even if you think you don’t have a soul in the world who cares. 

22 Dec 2016 Flash dream (Vikings Lagertha – how some tv shows get into your dreams) and making memories for the holidays

Good morning family, how are you today?  I haven’t been feeling my normal self lately but with the help of love from my family, rest, food, hydration and my crystal family….doing better.   It’s amazing how much better I feel holding crystals as I sleep!

So speaking of sleep I had one of my flash dreams, a really quick dream but it affected me so much I had to get up and jot a note down so I wouldn’t forget it.  Let me preface things by saying we’ve been watching the History Channel Show Vikings and I will say since we’ve started watching it, my dream life has been more active.  We are almost to the end of Season 2.

Source Internet - Katheryn Winnick at Lagertha from History Channel Vikings

Source Internet – Katheryn Winnick at Lagertha from History Channel Vikings. I think Katheryn is absolutely beautiful. It’s fun to watch the characters she shares the screen with treat her a lot like a modern day rock star lol!

So the dream was just seeing a huge vision of a woman looking like Lagertha and someone said something but I can’t remember what they said.  She was the size of  the woman from The Attack of the 50 Ft woman (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051380/?ref_=nv_sr_2) and I do remember hearing she was the Wind Goddess Azula.

From what I could find, there isn’t such a goddess but there is Azula from Avatar the Last Airbender.  Both of these women are powerful but the latter goes literally mad with her powers.  Like I said, ever since I’ve started watching Vikings, my dreams have become very active.  Kyle and I think that it is because of themes and nature of the show.  I believe that exposure to certain things can “light up” parts of our DNA….our code….activate it.  Things that may have been latent or asleep can be awakened with the right stimuli.   With this in mind, we are taking our time with the show!


http://www.normandescendants.org/lagertha/ – very interesting article about the history of the real Lagertha



From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

/wiki/File:Lathgertha_by_Morris_Meredith_Williams.pngLagertha, lithography by Morris Meredith Williams (1913)

Lagertha was, according to legend, a Viking shieldmaiden from what is now Norway, and the onetime wife of the famous Viking Ragnar Lothbrok. Her tale, as recorded by the chronicler Saxo in the 12th century, may be a reflection of tales about Thorgerd (Þorgerðr Hölgabrúðr), a Norse deity.

Her name as recorded by Saxo, Lathgertha, is likely a Latinisation of the Old Norse Hlaðgerðr (Hladgerd).[1] It is frequently rendered in English-language sources as “Lagertha”, and has also been recorded as Ladgertha, Ladgerda or similar.



Princess Azula (?????? Ā Zǔ Lā?) is a fictional character and antagonist of Nickelodeon’s animated television series Avatar: The Last Airbender. Created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, the character is voiced by veteran voice actress Grey DeLisle.

In the show, Azula is the crown princess of the Fire Nation and a Firebending prodigy.[2] Upon Fire Lord Ozai’s orders, she begins a quest with her childhood friends Mai and Ty Lee to retrieve her exiled brother Prince Zuko and their uncle Iroh, while also attempting to capture the Avatar, a transcendent being capable of manipulating all four elements (Earth, Water, Fire and Air). Azula is known to be cold, cruel, manipulative, and, as her brother Zuko says, ‘always lies’.[3] Throughout the series, she is shown to be capable of a much higher level of bending and yields blue flames, instead of red and orange, as well as having the rare firebending ability to generate pure whitish-blue lightning

Kyle and I were talking this morning about how it doesn’t seem like Christmas is only a couple days away.  I use to be much more in tune with the holidays than I am now.  Now I care more about the weather and the seasons than I do about the “Hallmarks” we’ve attached to them.  We are looking forward to seeing Kyle’s family and watching Love Actually or Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (Mystery Science Theater 3000 version) with his Mom on Christmas Eve.  It’s those types of things that make the  holidays for me – the memories we make together!

20 Dec 2016 Sun Lamp, The Mad Dog, The Double (scary dreams) and prayer for peace today

Hello family, how are you today?   Let me just thank you for stopping by whenever and wherever you are.  Let me tell you that I’m so grateful for you whether you are a regular friend I’ve made here or someone just stumbling in because you  made a typo in the search window lol.

I’m doing a little better today.  My sun lamp arrived yesterday and I’m very pleased with it.  After watching airplanes seemingly making a concerted effort to blot out the sun, seriously at one point yesterday morning I watched three of them flying together,  I decided I needed it.  I’m starting to wonder if Texas is the Hellmouth and is filled with vampires who are paying people to blot out the sun lol.  How is that for a conspiracy theory?!  Round up the troops Buffy! lol

We live in the middle of the flight paths of international flights which never leave those kinds of trails nor do most of the jets.  The planes that leave the huge trails are the white, unmarked planes.  I don’t have a problem until the trails they leave spread out, make the air taste bad and blot out the sun.   There are conspiracy theories that they are spraying us as a form of global birth control.  My neighbor just had surgery to have a malignant cyst removed and they asked her if she smokes because it’s something they normally see with smokers and she said no.  She’s never smoked.  This story has been one I’ve heard more than once from people living in this area and getting cancerous growths.   We live in an area heavy with  manufacturing as well as what’s going on in the air so I shouldn’t be surprised.  America is one of the top air polluters on the planet.

http://www.peri.umass.edu/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=74&Itemid=459/ – Toxic 100 Air Polluters Index (2016 Report, Based on 2014 Data)

So this morning I had what I’m calling a “double.”  I dreamt I walked into a bedroom and someone was under the covers but it wasn’t a human being it was a demon on sorts made of toxins.  I couldn’t see it’s face but it moved and made noise and I woke up.  Well I fell right back asleep and it was in a different place now and came after me.  I was petrified and trying to say something but when your in between sleep and awake, things don’t work right.  It was after I was conscious and still felt it’s presence I said “Jesus Christ, get out!”  It’s been a long time since I’ve had a dream like that with phantoms.  My friend Linda, a devout Christian,  says that I’m under attack because of who I am and what I do.  After all the stuff I’ve been through these past couple of years especially, I believe her.  I have chosen my team and there are many forces that would love for me to embrace the Mad Dog I am capable of becoming at times….I call the shadow part of myself The Mad Dog.   When I was in the hospital this past time they got a taste of the Dog.   It is certain people (like Kyle) and my faith in the God of all that keeps that Dog with leash and collar.

A prayer for peace in all the corners of our world today.  I  heard about the truck in the Christmas Market in Germany yesterday…..just so sad.  The holidays are already hard enough without that too.


Let us see one another through eyes
enlightened by understanding and compassion.

Release us from judgment so we can receive the stories
of our sisters and brothers with respect and attention.

Open our hearts to the cries of a suffering world
and the healing melodies of peace and justice for all creation.

Empower us to be instruments of justice
and equality everywhere.

prayer for everyday for all creation

Collectively authored by the Millionth Circle Initiative,
5th World Conference on Women & Circle Connections.


18 Dec 2016 3 Nov 2006 (my words), Silence is impossible (Prison writings-my life is a sun dance-leonard peltier) and Silence Must be Heard (Enigma)

Hello family.  How are you today?  It’s really cold here and unpleasant for me to spend much time outside so I find myself here at this console writing to you.  I have become a horrible “real letters” writer and anything tangible….this weather has paralyzed me somewhat.  I feel like a bloated “kind of” hibernating bear right now lol.  All I want to do is eat things with sugar and sleep!  So I am trying very hard to find my mental gratitude list and speak items from it when I find myself getting low.   In a day or so my sunshine lamp will be here and I plan to add that to my daily therapy.  Kyle and I joked that I can take it into our garage and we’ll get a bunch of fake plants to make it seem like outside lol.   I’d forgotten what it’s like to live in the cold and the gray!  This too shall pass.

I am grateful to have a safe home, shelter, clothing, food, a healthy body and most of all LOVE!  There are so many in this world who do not even know what these things would look like!  Such things are not nor have ever been a part of their moment to moment existence!  So when I start to complain I remind myself of this sobering fact and pray for all the others.

I hope the very best for you today wherever and whenever this message finds you.  

23 Jan 2015 took this one through back window that has multiple layers of glass so it made multiple moons

23 Jan 2015 took this one through back window that has multiple layers of glass so it made multiple moons

Untitled 3 Nov 2006 Jackie Schmidt

The edges of autumn with their fancy dresses dance

Shadow moon glows overhead in a crisp sky of shards

We walk in the stillness

The glimpse of what has been and what is to come

Spreads out before covered eyes

The shadows begin to walk in time to rythyms of another door

The door that opens only to the light

The light that seems to shine brighter than all the others

To this they come

They are in their simplest form and shape; the burden easy to bare

Voices silenced and but mere whisper in a unquiet mind

In a world that rises and has begun to fall

The crevice that separates is opening wider

The vision is clearer

What was and what is to be

What has been and what was but a mere dream

They are becoming but one vision

In the beginning and the end

There is but one

The halls of the mansion spread forever

The doors each a unique key

There is more than one way in

There is one way out

The stories all with different voices

Different choices

All bound to the same light

The one within and without

14 April 2016 afternoon sky with clouds Alvarado TX 5

14 April 2016 afternoon sky with clouds Alvarado TX 5


Silence, they say, is the voice of complicity.
But silence is impossible.
Silence screams.
Silence is a message,
just as doing nothing is an act.

Let who you are ring out and resonate
in every word and every deed.
Yes, become who you are.
There’s no sidestepping your own being
or your own responsibility.

What you do is who you are.
You are your own comeuppance.
You become your own message.

You are the message.

prison writings – my life is my sun dance – leonard peltier


17 Dec 2016 Midnight message: “Get out of God’s Way” (don’t place expectations on how your prayers are going to get answered)

Good morning family, it’s Saturday morning.  I let the dogs out and all the clear blue sky from yesterday has disappeared into more gray, wet and warm?  It was gray, wet and cold.  I actually ordered myself a lamp that simulates sunlight yesterday to try and help me with my “SAD” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder).  Hopefully it will help.  Lately when the sun comes out I’ve been taking my cot outside and just laying in it lol.

This morning I woke up to a message relating to my experiences yesterday afternoon.  I was asked to share my gifts with regards to energy healing yesterday and it was a very rewarding experience!  Truly an honor every time!  Well  one of the women I attempted to work with was in a particularly difficult state of being and I felt like I was bumping up against a wall with her.   I won’t go into any details because it’s personal to her, but I will say the wall I felt is literally inside of her mind and she told me so.  It’s frustrating when you can’t reach the person you need to reach the most.  So I’ve been praying for her the prayer I pray for everyone I pray for to include myself, “Whatever is for her greatest good, not as I would have it but as you would have it.”   

It was her that I was thinking about when I got out of bed and wrote this message:

17 Dec 2016/1212 am Get out of Gods way - when you pray for help the answer doesn't always look like you expect or when...but an answer comes. Get out of the way and allow God to answer.

17 Dec 2016/1212 am
Get out of Gods way – when you pray for help the answer doesn’t always look like you expect or when…but an answer comes. Get out of the way and allow God to answer.

When you place expectations on how God, Source, The Universe, Allah, Buddha, Odin…..whatever the name of your divinity….is going to answer your cry for help, you are more times than not going to be disappointed!  The reason you will often be disappointed is you can’t place expectations and or “parameters” to the will of God, Source, Universe, Energy.   I used to pray with conditions and have learned that when I prayed like that, I was putting up road blocks to God answering me.   When God didn’t answer me just like I asked, I got resentful and my faith wavered.  I’ve had to learn to let go and let God.

(The God of my understanding is pure energy and everything in existence is a manifestation of God – we are all fragments of one energy force or one God)

One day I listened to a woman I know tell me she needed to have her fence fixed and couldn’t do it by herself.  I asked her if she had help or if anyone had offered and she said dismissively that a relative had offered but she didn’t want THEM to do it.  I then asked her, “Have you been praying about it?” and she said “Yes, of course.”  I then said to her, “Then let your relative fix your fence! there is the answer to your prayers!”  She was taken aback a bit but I could see in her eyes she got what I was saying.  She was praying, God was answering and there she was judging the answer!

Have you been praying to the God of your understanding for something to happen in your life or been praying for someone else?  Are you placing conditions on the answer?  Are you placing expectations on God as to how “things should go?”  STOP!  You are obstructing the flow of a power greater than yourself.   Let go, let God!

Even if you claim not to believe in a “God” or source of divinity (for me God is pure energy – “everything”), I tell you the winds of this planet are more powerful than you.  You have no more power over the wind than you do over God.  There are people on this planet who are playing with these forces of nature and it will be all of our undoing if they continue.  For those who claim to have no faith in anything but themselves or Science, I would say there is force greater than you and if you are placed in the right conditions, you will find faith in that force.  We all do in the end.