It’s about 12:18 pm as I write to you on this very mixed emotions Friday. This morning, at about 8:30 – 8:35 am we said goodbye to our precious family member, friend, confidant, therapist, life coach and spiritual advisor….our cat…Amber. It was time for Amber to “travel on ahead” of us.
Last night I was watching the Dr. Strange Hollywood Premiere Live on Marvel’s Facebook page when we heard a strange noise in the cats room. Kyle thought it was just Link in there eating food or messing around likes he’s always done but no, he was on my lap! Then we heard Amber yowling like she does when she’s playing or has cornered something. We thought nothing of it but then…..Kyle saw her come out to the front door rug and basically just roll over. She had lost her ability to keep herself upright! There wasn’t anything else going on to indicate what was wrong. No matter how or what I tried….she just wanted to be in a fetal position.
I shut down my computer and just held her intermittently with trying to get her to move on her own….nope!
I cuddled with her in bed through the night, checking on her and talking to her in between bits of sleep….hoping she would slip away in her sleep but it wasn’t to be. She even found the energy to purr for me! (How I will miss her singing me to sleep!) I even had gone outside and talked to the moon that looked like an eye looking down at me and the stars that were so clearly visible. My favorite cluster of stars, one I think of as my star home in the sky…Pleiades…(Plea I Aid). I pleaded for the God of my understanding to take her in her sleep, to spare Kyle and I the suffering of going to the vet office and having to have them put her to sleep….nope. God said no because she was still with us, if you want to call it that, in the morning.
There was to be meaning in her death, a lesson she, Kyle and I would teach the Alvarado Veterinary Clinic for the 3rd time since we’ve move here on 9 Nov 2009. The lesson is something it seems left to the four legged ambassadors from the God of my understanding to teach humanity. Amber was “broken” and in a condition beyond any pill, beyond any surgery, any matter of poking, prodding and x-rays. All she wanted was kindness, gentleness, love, affection, soft voices and warmth….peace.
Kyle and I, as those she made a bond with, had to do what was best for her. I told Dr. Finch as he began to talk about blood work and x-rays that I felt like we were talking about things that would not help her now. All the possible “artificial extensions” would do nothing but cause her fear, stress and anxiety at a time when she should only know the very best humankind is capable of. She was a 17 year old cat and her body was failing her…..it was time to do for her what she couldn’t quite do for herself or her body wouldn’t allow her to.
If we could only be this way for our fellow human beings? Think about what is best for them and avoid completely or as much as possible that anyone should profit from their misery at a time when there should only be grace, love and peace.
Our heart-felt thanks to the Alvarado Veterinary Clinic staff that has to muster the courage and compassion to go through what they did with us sometimes several times a day! One of the techs that came in to talk to us was the one who administered Sammy’s “pink shot” and I was so grateful for her coming in! She is one of those people God put on this earth that can handle this service they provide….alleviating misery and suffering from a dying animal in as loving and compassionate way possible. She had held Amber while she was in back and she said Amber was so sweet, just purring. (Cats purr to soothe themselves first and in turn soothe us I found out recently!) Dr. Finch, Amber and her all did everything they could to help us get through this difficult moment in our shared times. Bless you and thank you for understanding and helping us do what was best for Amber.
In the gallery I’m going to share with you now are just snippets of Amber’s life with me before Kyle and I got together and times since. Today is her birthday and it is a day to be joyous and happy for her! I will be honest in saying I won’t miss the “body” stuff about her because as we age, it’s the same with pets….the body fails and it’s just not fun. I will miss her energy, her behaviors, her personality and all the little things that made her uniquely Amber. I will miss the cuddles, playing, singing to her, telling her I loved her, scolding her for messing with the dogs, her incessant and LOUD begging for canned tuna, and the companionship we shared together. The thing is, so long as I live (Kyle probably too but she more my cat), she and I will continue to have those things….just in the intangible dimension of my heart and memories.
Translation of what I wrote in my Pink Spirit Book (for those who have to use translator programs):
21 Oct 2016 8:35 am
*Top of page note
*I say private but they were very public. Our entire existence is part of a conversation with our God
21 Oct 2016 8:35 am
Rainbow crossing — our Amber is free. The color of the liquid in the “shot” that gave her release and peace was pink. Perfect. The technician that administered it was also named Amber and she was kind and good. The doctor that oversaw it all was Dr. Daniel Finch…like a bird. Days before Ambers 2nd “birthday” that is today there have been many birds above — God was preparing me in our “private” conversations using people, nature and tech(nology) to do it. *they don’t know about it but I do. (see top page note)
On the 18th I bought two skeletons and 2 bats to hang outside and took pictures of the skeletons on the couch and at my seat, my skeleton, the last place Amber and I cuddled this morning…an bright orb appeared in just one picture…broken jam jar, anniversary of Michelle Sullivan’s tragic death, Dr. Strange movie premiere, Ben and Tilda and Tom with pics of him and his cat, so many “signs” the gray bird feather on the dog walk I found and lost yesterday and thinking it was for a human….no. Puzzling out together layers of existence….disembodied energy all within this week. My God trying to cushion the blow to come and I love them for it but I must do Amber and myself the honor of grieving our severed bond.
As Amber’s essence left her body, Kyle and I could feel the peaceful energy of it – “relief” for all 3 of us…but when I felt, like I did with Sam, that point when I touched her and felt ice pull my heart like it was being pulled into two…I told Kyle we had to leave, not to let me touch her again — it’s like a vampire drinking the last drop of their victims death and absorbing it into themselves–best analogy that readily comes to me (note – from Queen of the Damned lore, also I entered a contest during these days preceding for stay in Bran castle in Romania). She wasn’t there anymore…pure energy traveling now.
On the way home from walking Link and Spot when we came home I found some round pieces of decorative glass (there were 9 pieces but only 8 were salvageable). When I held them in the sunlight I told Kyle, “This is what Amber looks like now — pure light energy.”
We told Amber as she left we loved her, thank you, say hello to Sam, Blondie, Pita, Kiki (so many dogs, cats and birds names I didn’t write down to include Kyle’s dogs Bailey and DD!) Now she can be with me wherever and whenever I am. Never hungry, thirsty, bored, jealous or lonely again…oh and cold….she was always cold.
It’s so hard she’s not tangible here and that attachment I have to her “body” is what brings forth the waves of sorrow and longing! In my clarity, the still moment as I write, again, I am so happy for her! She is free. Today is her birthday. We get 2 we “know.” When we arrive and when we “leave.”