3 Aug 2016 Phantom cycles and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), apology to Hillary Clinton (yesterdays blog), The Veil (poem) and Into the Clearing (poem)

Hello to you, how are you?  I’m doing o.k….but I can tell I’m having a phantom cycle…the evil ovary this month.  I know you men reading this will probably roll your eyes and scroll on but may be you should read about this.  When your woman is “fixed” and is still being a “bitch” beyond reason (aka moody, irritable, wanting to rearrange all the furniture, wanting to sell things, wanting to make you sleep on the couch or even cyclic divorce talks, not sleeping, retaining water, bloated and gassy, eating everything she can get her hands on, restless, easily bored, can’t concentrate) she might be going through what I am.  Knowing is half the battle my lovely men folk!

Back in August 2005 I had a hysterectomy to have my uterus removed.  I kept getting cysts and we were worried they might end up being cancerous but they left me my ovaries which means I still have parts that can cause the same kinds of problems having the full set of equipment can.  I had surgeries two years in a row because of this problem, the second one being the hysterectomy.  I saw the pictures of what they pulled out afterwards….a lumpy, bumpy mess!   No, I never had children….the world was spared to the best of my knowledge.

When I had “everything” I was diagnosed with what’s called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD….a label for a woman having her menstrual cycle that is so horrible it had to get a special label!  LOL!   Every other month I was so miserable I would get nearly suicidal over it!  It is this problem that instigated my entering into the military mental health system and subsequently, through the course of 18 years, getting additional labels tagged on!

What is PMDD – from the Mayo clinic:


What’s the difference between premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and premenstrual syndrome (PMS)? How is PMDD treated?
Answers from Jacqueline M. Thielen, M.D.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Although regular PMS and PMDD both have physical and emotional symptoms, PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt your work and damage your relationships.

In both PMDD and PMS, symptoms usually begin seven to 10 days before your period starts and continue for the first few days that you have your period. Both PMDD and PMS may also cause bloating, breast tenderness, fatigue, and changes in sleep and eating habits. In PMDD, however, at least one of these emotional and behavioral symptoms stands out:

  • Sadness or hopelessness
  • Anxiety or tension
  • Extreme moodiness
  • Marked irritability or anger

The cause of PMDD isn’t clear. Underlying depression and anxiety are common in both PMS and PMDD, so it’s possible that the hormonal changes that trigger a menstrual period worsen the symptoms of mood disorders.

Treatment of PMDD is directed at preventing or minimizing symptoms and may include:

  • Antidepressants. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem, others) and sertraline (Zoloft), may reduce symptoms such as emotional symptoms, fatigue, food cravings and sleep problems. You can reduce symptoms of PMDD by taking SSRIs all month or only in the interval between ovulation and the start of your period.
  • Birth control pills. Taking birth control pills with no pill-free interval or with a shortened pill-free interval may reduce PMS and PMDD symptoms for some women.
  • Nutritional supplements. Consuming 1,200 milligrams of dietary and supplemental calcium daily may possibly reduce symptoms of PMS and PMDD in some women. Vitamin B-6, magnesium and L-tryptophan also may help, but talk with your doctor for advice before taking any supplements.
  • Herbal remedies. Some research suggests that chasteberry (Vitex agnus-castus) may possibly reduce irritability, mood swings, breast tenderness, swelling, cramps and food cravings associated with PMDD, but more research is needed. The Food and Drug Administration doesn’t regulate herbal supplements, so talk with your doctor before trying one.
  • Diet and lifestyle changes. Regular exercise often reduces premenstrual symptoms. Cutting back caffeine, avoiding alcohol and stopping smoking may ease symptoms, too. Getting enough sleep and using relaxation techniques, such as mindfulness, meditation and yoga, also may help. Avoid stressful and emotional triggers, such as arguments over financial issues or relationship problems, whenever possible.

Review your symptoms with your doctor. A thorough medical evaluation may determine if symptoms are due to PMDD or some other condition. If you’re diagnosed with PMDD, your doctor can recommend specific treatments to help minimize symptoms.

Sadly, I thought if I had a hysterectomy, the symptoms of PMDD would go away but they did not.  They are not nearly as bad as they were, but as is evidenced by this month….still happen.  You know what else sucks?  I still can get set off if I’m around younger females who are having their periods just like when I had all my stuff….thanks God!  GRUMFFFF!!!   You men truly got the better end of the deal in the reproduction department.  I’ve told Kyle that next time we hook up, I’m not doing the woman thing again…..boobs, being born with excess fat, cycles, pregnancy, having to worry about appearance and all that…fuck that shit!  I’ll be a dude.   If I could find a plastic surgeon I could trust (and afford) the only thing I’d want is a boob reduction!  I know TMI but hey….this is how some women think guys!  Most women don’t tell you these things because they are trying to please. appease and often tease you!  Kyle can tell you he’s had an awakening since we’ve lived together about how much of a burden those things that you find sexy and arousing are to carry around!  Where is my anti-gravity bra!!!  LOL!

Anyhew…enough of this line of conversation.  I looked at the headlines and they are still depressing but at least all the passengers in that plane crash in Dubai are ok!  Also I got a kick out of reading yesterday that Warren Buffet has challenged Donald Trump to a tax return comparison…..whose gonna be bigger?!  LOL!   Go get him Warren!  Also Federal Judge Daniel Hovland struck down a voter ID law in North Dakota that would have mostly burdened Native American voters – Dan is awesome sauce!  He basically struck it down because there was absolutely no evidence of voter fraud in North Dakota so what was the point?!  Hmmmmm….sounds familiar doesn’t it?!





I wanted to make an apology to Hillary Clinton, I know she doesn’t even know I exist but anyhew…last night I had trouble going to sleep and it was in part because of my calling Hillary a whore in my blog yesterday.  It takes one to know one and I am not innocent in regards to having “whored” myself for one reason, cause or another.  It’s an ugly turn of a phrase.  If you do read this Hillary, I probably won’t be voting for you but I pray for your very best in all this, whatever it is.  If you survive the crucible that is this fucked up election, honey you deserve your seat!  May the best man or woman win! (Ru Paul phrase lol). 

Some of my poems for you…….

The Veil – by Jackie  13 Oct 2011

Like a sheer curtain, the veil blows

Billowing in, billowing out, strange eyes do peer

The distance to home

Not far from here

By the shadow of the moon full and bright

Ones we’ve known

Visit in dreams or shine in the light

Tears are shed of longing for the tangible touch

Sometimes the burden of knowing

Is too much

Are they a phantom memory given form

Absent of solid presence

Leaving cold traces so they may once again be warm?

How cold it is to be but a shadow

The tangible world with it’s trappings a longing still

A longing to glow

The veil is thin between here and there

Only to be brave enough to open our eyes to see

The veil billowing, in the shadow we see it’s stare.


Into The Clearing – by Jackie 19 Dec 2011

I don’t know where the road is going

Right now I can only see where it has gone

I look behind me fondly, a steady stream of memories steadily flowing

People, animals and places I have treasured

Placed on the scales of time

Now carefully measured

Perhaps to know what is coming would be too much

I’d only lean on it heavily

As the injured to their crutch

Perhaps with open arms reaching out to the intangible

What is destined to come

Will be more manageable

I will just let out a call to the universe my positive hope

All will be well and whatever enters the clearing

Will all be things with which I can cope


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