Hello to you, hope you are doing well today or doing as best as can be expected for whatever you are going through. Some of us in the world are going through more than our fair share of “stuff” right now. My life seems like a nostalgic farm scene painting compared to much of what I see and feel going on around me! It’s going to be another really hot day. I know it’s real hot when Spot doesn’t even want to stay in the backyard more than a couple of minutes.
When it’s hot, reading is a great past time. So I have continued reading about Philip K. Dick and came across something that made me get chills, the word “Zebra.”
“He referred to the “transcendentally rational mind” as “Zebra”, “God” and “VALIS”. Dick wrote about the experiences, first in the semi-autobiographical novel Radio Free Albemuth and then in VALIS, The Divine Invasion and the unfinished The Owl in Daylight (the VALIS trilogy).” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_K._Dick) (Valis is the other book I bought the other day!)
When I was at Huguley in September 2015 and at Mesa Springs in March of this year, I can remember hearing in my head the phrase “You are a Zebra. A Zebra changes it’s stripes.” At one point, a man named Patrick I met at Mesa Springs was sitting near me talking on the phone and I thought I heard him say “Zebra is on” or something to that effect. He was “around me” a lot during my stay there and we talked and played cards some. He often watched me wander around the recreation yard whilst “doing my thing” which included yoga and singing. I felt safe when he was around and I even tried to help him with his coughing fits (did some Quantum Touch with him)….he wouldn’t stop smoking!
Last night I looked through my notebooks from my times at the hospital to see if I had written anything about the “Zebra thing” but I didn’t find anything. What I did find was like looking at the what vomit from a computer might look like! Random data all over the place… zomg! I don’t know if I’ll ever make sense of those words…another intersection with PKD for me. All three times I’ve been in the hospital, similar circumstances each time, it’s taken me a long time to sort out what happened afterwards.
*side note to those taking Lamictal: If you didn’t already know, don’t eat Grapefruit (citrus) and take Lamictal….fucks you up!!! That’s what we think caused the second episode.
Last night I had a cool dream. This will be another example of how the brain uses our conscious inputs during the course of our day, our lives even, to make our dream content.
I dreamt about being in a sort of classroom and everyone was playing the violin. On a screen at the front of the room, the notes to the music they were playing was flashing very quickly “A” “G” “C” for example. I didn’t have a violin and didn’t know how to read music. So the teacher of the class showed me an instrument I could play how I wanted and still be part of the class. It kind of looked like those things people have on their desks with balls attached to strings that you can set in motion but it was a musical instrument…it sounded like bells when you played it and the balls were crystals. Philip mentioned the woman of his mystical experience taking him to a paradise and he heard bells. The balls on the string I guess they were singing crystals which ties in nicely to the something I read recently about at Stonehenge rocks having musical properties. The teacher said I could play along while the others played their violins….I could fill in the blank spaces….but she said, “Just don’t overdue it!”
“A team of researchers from London’s Royal College of Art (RCA) have discovered that the stones used to construct Stonehenge hold musical properties and when struck, sound like bells, drums and gongs. It is suggested that these properties could be the reason why the builders were willing to travel so far to source the stones from Wales and bring them to the site in Salisbury Plain, England”
What I got out of this dream is a truth for myself. Even if all these pieces in the dream are just my minds way of processing conscious data, there was a message for me in it.
I don’t follow the music written by others, I never have. I have always played my own tune. I have a lot of musical instruments in my house that I play my own tunes on – a couple of recorders (one from grade school!), the Polish lap harp I’ve shown you, the tuning fork and chime, my drum and I sing my own tunes…singing has gone all the way back to me being a small child….singing to the neighbor girls using a jump rope handle or singing gibberish operas while washing the dishes. It’s not just musical instruments in which I’ve played my own tune….my entire existence I’ve tried to be myself and often met with great resistance! A rebellious child, a rebellious student, a rebellious GI, a rebellious patient, a rebellious woman and citizen and a rebellious wife. A rebel WITH a cause, the sole cause, to preserve ME.
What a fight it has been and continues to be! Sometimes the consequence of being your true self is a life of isolation and loneliness. People keep their distance, even if they care about you, because they just don’t “get you” or don’t feel comfortable around you.
My life with other people, even Kyle at times, has been a life often littered with misunderstandings and confusion. Those who do attempt to penetrate the walls of my “rainbow fortress”, often have difficulty beginning to comprehend what I am saying, what I am thinking and feeling. The way I express these things is alien to them. It’s so frustrating to be around people sometimes because I don’t feel like I can be entirely myself for fear they will think “I’m off the rails again”….silence or aloofness is oftentimes the panacea for that! When you are someone like me, people don’t mean to but they do not weigh you on the same scale as they do “normal” people. I feel like much of what I express gets discounted as “part of my condition” to put it politely or just more “conspiracy theory” or “crazy talk” and it hurts to know that even if it isn’t “said”. Many people can’t handle what being around me makes them feel so they will keep their distance. As an Empath and HSP (Highly Sensitive person) I usually can’t handle what being around other people makes me feel I keep my distance too! So you see I am both the prison and the warden at the same time! (I do best in very small groups and if there is emotions involved…outside is best…it’s “big enough.”)
It is so easy to get swept under the tide of our “civilization” and “societal norms”…..much of which is the stuff of nightmares and amnesia. We are born fresh and yet I wonder if we are born “knowing” in our “unknowing” blank slateness. We come here knowing deep within ourselves why we are here and the world we are plunged into strips away our possibility of ever “becoming” that being. It is my suspicion that if we all “became” who we were born to be, this current time of ours would be quite different….beyond our wildest dreams.
Time to wrap up this visit from my dimension to yours lol. Thank you for visiting from wherever and whenever you are (Mr. Keshe always says that when he opens his teachings and I like that!) and if no one has told you today, “YOU ARE AWESOME SAUCE! I LOVE YOU!”
PS congrats to the beautiful inside and out Latrice Royale and her beau Christopher Hamblin. Latrice proposed and he said yes!!! I absolutely love Latrice who was one our favorite Drag Queens on Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Latrice actually makes the effort to acknowledge my comments when I make them on her Facebook page which says a lot…she has millions of fans besides me! Love you both! AWESOME SAUCE!!!
We are thrilled to report that Drag Race star Latrice Royale has proposed to her boyfriend Christopher Hamblin this weekend.
https://www.instagram.com/p/w7EgqRJrr6/embed/captioned/?v=7Latrice got down on one knee and proposed at R Place in Seattle’s gay neighborhood.
JuJubee captured the entire proposal:
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Congratulations to the happy couple!