Hello there! It’s a rumbly, misty and gray morning here as I write. I’ve just been outside with my therapist as I have felt a real disturbance in the force the past couple of days. The past couple of days I’ve had a real sense of sadness and as always, it could be any number of reasons why. Something just as simple as there hasn’t been much sunlight for several days now and that is depressing! I don’t know specifically the source of my sorrows but have been hearing that sound like I do sometimes before I find something out about someone or something. Is it spiritual or just my ears getting older lol. Human beings and our body functions, hormones, chemicals, sensitivities, reactions, emotions……all that stuff makes the whole job extremely complicated doesn’t it?! Least it does for me.
Anyhew…so on the dog walk Kyle and I agreed that I needed to get myself back to self….a little off. After we got back from the walk I went out back as I mentioned and got myself sorted out. I am a sensitive person, some call it being an Empath, some call it being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and others might just say I am one crayon short of a whole box….whatever. Being the sort of person I am makes that being human job I mentioned even more complicated. It is hard sometimes for me to determine if what I’m feeling physically, emotionally and even spiritually is “mine” or belongs to someone else close to me. Most of the people that I let into my life have a lot of shite they are going through right now and because I care about them, their shite can warp my perception of what my own shite is. Hope that makes sense. In a nutshell: “O.k. God, what is mine and what isn’t?! Please help me sort this out.”
So my prayers with my brand new plants, Kyle’s brother Cole’s plants and just all the nature surrounding me was to expel what is troubling me, and asked for what “isn’t mine” to be taken out of me and restore me to self. Restore me to the peaceful, happy, joyful and loving self I really like to be….restore me to balance. I felt the words that came and later the mournful song with no words in the breath of the trees….in the lightning and in the thunder that followed. As I sat in this state of being, I could see flashes of lightning in my minds eye and when I opened my eyes it was real. At this point I went inside. I feel so much better now…..I feel “sorted.”
The truth is “things are doing things” right now in our world at an escalating pace and being as sensitive and “awake” as I am makes seeing these things toxic at times. Almost daily I am facing that duplicity of human nature I’ve been talking about. The dichotomy of either staying “awake” or forcing myself to go back to sleep and just not caring anymore what happens to the lives of those I share this planet with. This morning I considered, for the umpteenth time, deactivating my Facebook account and just not even getting on my computer – unplugging myself almost completely.
Sadly, I know even that won’t stop the discomfort I am experiencing.
We are all connected and when any one of us suffers, at some level, we all do….consciously or subconsciously (not sleeping or waking up a lot in the night for example). Kind of the Donnie Darko effect. You know something is wrong or a light has gone out in the world but you can’t pinpoint it…it just is this mysterious “hole” in our existence.
My hope for you is if you are in a weird space now too, that you will find a personal, positive and loving way to get yourself “sorted” out.
Much love from my Universe to yours!