16 Aug 2015 Better out than in – Men and emotional pain

Have you ever had a song you don’t like pop into your head and you just can’t stop singing it? Most of the time the only way to “make it stop” is to actually hear it or sing it….drown it out with something else.

Well I don’t have a song stuck in my head, it’s a blog topic. For several weeks now I’ve had the subject of “men in pain” on my mind and unlike topics of the past….this one just won’t go away. I have to write about it or it’s just going to keep bugging me!

So let me preface, as I have many times before that I am not a medical or science professional with pieces of paper framed on the wall. I am a humble observer and Kyle reassured me this morning that a major part of what scientists do is observe!   He’s got a point.

Men in pain….what do I mean by this?

Even before I became consciously aware of Dr. Wilhelm Reich and his works with orgone – ether – life force energy, I had come to suspect it might be excess negative energy storage that is the culprit behind sex crimes and assault. What if men who committed such acts were only doing it because they couldn’t find the release in a healthy way? I had begun to notice that when Kyle was under a lot of stress and we didn’t have sex, he started having more frequent emotional and physical problems. I had always known this about myself and it was interesting to make the connection with men also.


“Reich’s clinical work convinced him otherwise. He devoted himself to matters of technique in an attempt to overcome the limitations of psychoanalysis in treating neuroses. And in doing so he observed that sexual energy is more than just an idea, and that sexual gratification, in fact, alleviated neurotic symptoms. He discovered that the function of the orgasm is to maintain an energy equilibrium by discharging excess biological energy that builds up naturally in the body. If that discharge function is disturbed–as it proved to be in all of his patients–this energy continues to build up without adequate release, stagnating and fueling neurotic disorders. Reich also discovered that in psychic disturbances, this biological energy is bound up not only in symptoms, but more importantly, in the individual’s characterological and muscular rigidities–what he called “armor.”

What Dr. Reich discovered in his research was that the human orgasm was a mechanism designed to release excess negative energy stores in the body. When this function was inhibited over a sustained period of time, this is when mental and physical problems started to manifest.   He discovered that without a regular release of excess negative stored energy people went cray-cray.

At the core of “dis-ease” is negative energy. He surmised that cancer is an “energy disease.”

This morning on our walk with Link and Spot something came to me. It was like a story I want to say. A story of a little boy who cried and being told not to by his Dad. I could almost hear it. The boy hurt himself and started to cry and went to his Dad for comfort and his Dad gave him a disapproving look and said, “Quit yer crying yah big pussy, big boys don’t cry!” This made the little boy cry even harder and made his Dad even angrier….angry enough to pop him on the head, “There! That’s something for you to cry about! Go to your room!” Instead of going to his room, he went to his mother and she comforted him.

When a baby is born one of its primary survival tools is crying. They use this tool to alert their caregivers if they are in pain or have an unfulfilled need such as being hungry, tired or a dirty diaper. Crying is one of the ways our body removes toxins from the body and I believe one of those toxins is negative energy.


“The third type of tears is emotional tears. It all starts in the cerebrum where sadness is registered. The endocrine system is then triggered to release hormones to the ocular area, which then causes tears to form. Emotional tears are common among people who see Bambi’s mother die or who suffer personal losses.

The phrase “having a good cry” suggests that crying can actually make you feel physically and emotionally better, which many people believe. Some scientists agree with this theory, asserting that chemicals build up in the body during times of elevated stress. These researchers believe that emotional crying is the body’s way of ridding itself of these toxins and waste products.”

When you obstruct someone from crying when they are expressing physical, emotional or spiritual pain, you are doing something like telling someone to hold in a really big gas bubble…a fart. I’m using this example because any human being reading this knows how painful it is to hold in a lot of gas. If you don’t fart for long enough you are going to develop lower abdominal health issues.


In the course of my life past and present I’ve been surrounded by the sort of men who find it easy to fart but impossible to cry or express true emotions. I’ve often wondered if it’s a primal thing? Kind of like if you show any kind of weakness you will be culled from the herd like a lion takes out the weak gazelle. Is it the role men have traditionally taken as providers – hunter/gatherers – living in the survival mode aspect of existence that has made them this way? Machismo gone awry?!  A lot of these same men I know suffer from cancer, heart disease, obesity, mental health issues and addiction.

It has always been considered “normal” for women to cry and express emotions. Heck in our modern culture we even make fun of women for being emotional. Women are raised to be the maternal ones, the caregivers, the support…the heart. People expect women to cry but they don’t expect men to and I think this is the crux of a lot of our past and current problems.

Crying and expressing emotions is seen as a sign of weakness….most men perceive women to be the weaker sex. For a man to be perceived as a woman is unacceptable. A man perceived as weak gets bullied, gets overlooked by coaches, teachers, recruiters and prospective employers.

I am here to say a man who doesn’t express emotion is a dead man. If you look it up, the life expectancy for most men compared to women is significantly less. So who is the weaker sex really?!


Men and women in England and Wales will be living for longer than they currently are by 2030, according to a new study.

Average life expectancy for women in England and Wales could be approaching 90 by 2030. Men are also set to live longer than official estimates predict as the historic gender gap narrows.

But life span differences between better and worse off communities are likely to increase to levels that mirror those dividing Western and developing countries, say the researchers.”


“The researchers found that white men with 16 or more years of schooling can expect to live an average of 14 years longer than black men with fewer than 12 years of education.(For white and black women with the same educational differences, that gap was 10 years.)

The stark differences the researchers uncovered are troubling, but the findings also suggest that — while access to healthcare and other factors are at play — improving educational opportunities may be a key part of making health disparities a thing of the past.”

There is no ONE thing you can do to stay healthy and prevent/avoid disease. There must be a balance of all things and a part that is often left out in men fitness and health is emotional health.

Here is what I’ve come to on this. From my own personal experience and my experience with others it would appear the root cause of “dis-ease” starts well before the disease or physical ailment even happens. The “dis-ease” is only the visible manifestation of emotional and spiritual imbalance. It’s like an ignored child who finally gets fed up and just throws something in your face to get your attention! “I’M HERE! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! SEE ME!”

Another analogy is it’s like having an ignored splinter or piece of shrapnel in your skin. The longer it takes for you to get it out, the more embedded it becomes. Over time layers of skin will grow over it, it might even get infected, it may seem like the splinter is gone and the area healed….but it’s still there under the surface. This is what happens with negative emotions. A negative emotion may start as just a little splinter but left unchecked it can become a festering wound waiting to burst.  Some men implode and hurt themselves and lately we’ve seen a lot of men explode and take many innocent people with them.

So my personal message to our men is this. Get the splinter out before it gets infected!

I’m personally tired of it being considered a sign of weakness for a man to cry when he’s hurt emotionally or physically. When I see a man cry I am relieved! I know by crying he is releasing tangible and intangible toxins from his body. Ironically, it’s the intangible, the emotional toxins that are the most deadly of all. It is VITAL, it is CRUCIAL for emotional toxins to be released this way, in addition to the other more “accepted” methods of flushing toxins from the body like Poop, Pee and Sweat.


American soldier crying – the tears he sheds are far more courageous than what his country asks him to do to “keep the peace.”  The peace a soldier keeps outside is often at the expense of their own internal peace.  Me.


5 comments on “16 Aug 2015 Better out than in – Men and emotional pain

  1. It’s no shame to cry, even for ” big boys” or “big girls”, if it wouldn’t help to deal with something we then our body wouldn’t have that feature…but it’s special touching to see a man crying, it’s a sign for me that a super tough thing happened…

    • It’s ok for big girls to cry too 🙂 I’m the “who dropped the hat lady” my husband is threatening to get a keychain with a hat on it and every time I cry for happy or sad reasons he’s going to drop it LOL. Thank you for reading and as always, “getting it.”

  2. Pingback: 2 Oct 2017 Horrible start to our day – news of mass shooting in Las Vegas Nevada | As I see it

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