Recently I received notifications in my email that a couple WordPress folks started following my non-existent blog. I’ve been away from here for quite some time, trying other venues all with pretty much the same results…few views, few comments, people I want to reach “don’t have time.” I started making a Youtube “vlog” from July to October this year with mixed results. The primary audience I was trying to communicate with didn’t have the time to watch the videos, so I discontinued making them. I had started a Wix.com website around the same time and that didn’t go anywhere either.
So I’ve been “out there” wondering what now. Then I get the WordPress emails and start to wonder if may be it’s a sign for me to try this venue again. Who knows right?! Aren’t we all looking for some sign to lead us to our ultimate purpose in this world? An answer to why the “bleep” we are here?! When I was doing the Youtube videos I began to think, for a fleeting moment, I had found my purpose but then….NOPE! May be I give up too easily, expect too much….may be I worry I’m running out of time? Have a squandered or wasted my 46 years?! Again…who the f knows. Only that mysterious life force, or God, or Goddess or dark matter that surrounds and makes our perception reality truly does. Sometimes I think they are seriously f-ng with me with some of the starts and stops I’ve had with “purpose.”
Anyhew – here I am again. I am a 16 year retired, disabled Air Force veteran living in North Texas for the past nearly 5 years. A great portion of my reason for disability stems from my condition of being an Empath, or as many would say, a “highly sensitive person.” I pick up other living things and places energies all too effectively and in having this condition, it is often hard to tell what is mine and what’s not. It’s a very conflicting and at times emotionally exhausting existence. I prefer the company of educated/informed, open minded/like minded, like afflicted adults, animals/nature and children. To manage my condition, which resulted in the assignment of many DSM 5 labels and subsequently medication, I have found many tools to help me cope when the medication doesn’t scratch the surface. I spend a lot of time alone, I spend lots of time outside either exercising, doing chores, praying, meditating….lots of crying. I have found Mother Nature to be the most fulfilling and capable of therapists and friend. No drug I am on or other tool I use (crafting, writing, drawing etc) works as well as she. Having said this, I often connect to her a lot like people describe when they take Ayahuasca or other mind altering substances. In this connection, I get rebalanced and reconnected..relief. Part of this connection involves a process I call “show me.”
This process I call “show me” is me taking a blank piece of paper and basically just asking for what I need to see or need to know. Sometimes what comes are cryptic drawings and other times it’s writings. The drawings often are about movies, tv or other media I will watch or experience at a later time. Sometimes there is a connection to events or things I am working through in my personal life…things happening in the world I feel strongly about and am trying to reason with and process.
As I See it, this blog, will be dedicated to these “show me’s” and sharing them with whomever stumbles in here. Some of what you will find here will be cryptic, seem bat shite crazy or may be as insightful for you as it becomes for me. It is what it is and it helps me make sense of this world I find almost intolerable to live in at times. It is difficult to be a spirit trapped in a flesh suite. Sometimes the pain to the spirit is as it might be for someone with some or all of their flesh on fire. Every nerve raw and exposed to the world.
I will close for now. I am not sure why I am here, writing and sharing this here, but so it is. My first Show me for you is from November. I have years of these scanned but have limited space here, so I’ll just post those from here on as I can.
Finally, thank you for stumbling to me. Most people who find me in whatever medium I’m using at the time, there have been MANY, find a message specifically for them, exactly when they need it. We are all messengers, catalysts for change to our fellows. I have come to believe that is our primary “purpose” should we choose to accept it. I hope you find what you are seeking in what I have to offer you.